(Closed) My father says Wait… My boyfriend takes it as a NO

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Do it, in the end you dont loose anything, your 24 and hes 28, yall arent getting any younger. If you love each other, thats all that matters. Just tell your dad you appreciate his concern, but your doing this your way now and tell him you would love for him to be there and support you and your hubby to be as yall say yalls vows, then ask him if he do the honors and walk you down the aisle. after all you dont want to be 35 when you are just settling down, sometimes its harder for fathers to let go of their precious little girls.

Post # 18
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You are both adults. It’s not up to your dad. You even provided “evidence” of how adult you both are with your jobs, benefits & living together. So honestly, you need to make your own adult choices…together, then. 

If he wants your dad to say yes but then you say your dad doesn’t want to be asked again then how will he ever get an official answer? I’m sorry but if your dad is holding your bf responsible for the two of you living together, he’s not considering you as a unit or you as an adult. He sounds like he’s assuming you can’t make your own choices & both of you have confirmed that to him by “waiting”.

If your boyfriend wants to propose… HE WILL, all on his own, dad be damned.  So the two of you sit down & if you both want to be married then you tell him as an adult you are ok with him not asking dad again & he will be on his own for an official okay. And leave your dad out of it as he as requested. 

If he is bent on doing things the traditional way, you are either under your dad ‘s thumb or he has to let that go & compromise. 

I am a bit curious why your dad thinks y’all aren’t ready? I haven’t heard a parent say that about their adult child…

Post # 19
Member
30 posts
Newbee

@thatgirldukez:  You are an adult.  You are indepedent and in an adult relationship, your not a little girl anymore.  Permission and a Blessing are two different things.  He should be asking for a BLESSING, not permission.  I think you should do what is best for you.  Your on your own, both have a steady job and have been together for some time.  Trust your gut, sometimes you can not please everyone.  Your father had his life, now its time for you to HAVE YOURS.

Post # 20
Member
3076 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@bebero:  You know what? The BF asked, the dad gave his opinion. So be it. That’s what you get when you ask .

The OP seems to have all of her ducks lined up, so I say: go forth and marry with my blessing!

No more sit downs with dad, he seems to be holding a grudge (or perhaps he has real reservations) but we will never know on this board.

 

Post # 21
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

 

Sounds like you can either wait for your Dad to adjust to the fact that his little girl has grown up and that your BF isn’t going away, or you can get married now, and your Dad will adjust later and give his blessing maybe a a few years down the line.

Sometimes, it can take fathers a long time to realize they have an adult daughter.

In my case, we didn’t even consider public marriage (outside of our personal commitments to each other) until we knew we’d have the blessing with ease.  We got it, but this took many years of waiting, after starting off with complete refusal by my father to even meet my BF.  Your circumstances don’t seem quite that extreme, doesn’t seem like you’ll be breaking apart any family by getting married.  So do whatever you feel most comfortable with.  You two are grown people!

Post # 22
Member
2451 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@thatgirldukez:  This is 2013 not 1813. You don’t need his consent.

Post # 23
Member
2449 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Part of me thinks its cute when a guy goes to dad and asks for his daughters hand in marriage.

 

But then I had a old BF go to my dad and ask.  My dad’s reply?  “I don’T know! You’ll have to ask her….that’s a decision she has to make!”

and Im super grateful.  

I’m confused abyour dad dad though.  He said wait til he’s ready……but then said you’re the one who has to make The decision?  Sounds a bit confusing for your bf….and I guess I sort of understand why your bf doesn’t want to move forward….he must think he’s respecting your father.  But yeah, it’s 2013….and your guy should realize this. 

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