(Closed) My father was almost ARRESTED at my rehearsal, then told me to “rot in hell”

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1003 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Nlmiele: I am glad your family was able to help you out. As many people on this board say, “Weddings bring out the best and WORST in people.” Honestly, I think I would of text/said much nastier things if I was in your situation. And yes, you forgot to tell him about the switch off but you know what? He shouldn’t of been sloshed before the rehearsal dinner and he should of handled it like an adult. He didn’t. You are only human and weddings are so stressful, you were bound to forget something.

I come from a family of alcoholics, not as volatile as your father seems but still they have caused me a lot of pain and distress. I know a lot of people turn to http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/. I haven’t, I have done private counselling. I am not saying your father IS an alcoholic, I mean, I don’t know you nor interacted with your father but to me people who use alcohol like that, as a social crutch, are alcoholics.

Again, I am glad you have a tight knit family that got you through this.

Post # 4
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

(((hugs))) the important part is that you’re married, and you’ve got lots of friends and family who loves you, it sounds like.

You’re absolutely right when you said none of this is your fault – your dad has a problem and it’s not your responsibility to fix it. I’m sorry that he so negatively affected your wedding day though.

Post # 5
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow I’m so sorry he was like that.  I would probably just cut him out of my life and move on without him.  He doesn’t seem like a good person to be around.

Post # 6
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Yikes!  Sounds like my family!  I am glad that there were people who did support you and pitch in.  Hugs to you.

Post # 7
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m so sorry things went down like that.  I remeber your post and how you wanted to honor all the people in your life, it was a wonderful attempt by you to include everyone.  I’m sorry your father couldn’t appreciate that – but thank god for the other people in your life who clearly have your back.

And congratulations on the wedding. 🙂

Post # 10
2867 posts
Sugar bee

@Nlmiele: This is my life (except my dad doesn’t drink).  For me, not talking to him, having any contact with him, is best for my emotional well being.  He’s hurt my sister, my mother, me, my family so badly it’s irreparable.  My thought on the matter is to not talk to him for as long as you need to.  I’m sorry this happened to you, but it’s good to know that you do have family that love you and sympathize.  It’s not your fault, it’s his and he’ll have to face his actions one day.

Post # 11
2867 posts
Sugar bee

Also, maybe you can throw a big party on your 1 year anniversary, redo the vows and enjoy yourself!  I’m sorry he ruined your day.

Post # 13
1805 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

As the daughter of a woman who told me last month to “Get the hell out and don’t even bother coming to my funeral!!”, in front of me and Fiance and 2 of our children, and then told my brother she wished she’d aborted him (and said that in front of my oldest child)…I know how bittersweet it all is.   My mom is an alcoholic too.  The difference is, her problems have developed just in the past few years.  She was ONCE a good mom and now she’s insane and awful. But she is up and down and sometimes like the “old” mom I remember so I am continually  torn.

I’m sorry but it’s probably a hidden blessing that this happened BEFORE the wedding and not the day of!

Post # 14
2867 posts
Sugar bee

@Nlmiele:  I agree, take it one day at a time.  My dad and I had two big blow outs where I actually stood up for myself, I gave my dad a second chance and he ruined it.  So after that, I was like “I’m done.”  However, only you can make that decision (your hubby sounds like he’ll support you).  One day at a time will be best.

As for family events, I pretty much avoid the events and all of my family is aware of how my dad behaves, and they don’t harbor bad feelings for me avoiding the event.  Is your dad’s side of the family aware of his behavior and what he did at the wedding?

Maybe later in life, your father will get his shit together and be sober (sounds like he’s an alcoholic), and will apologize.

Post # 16
71 posts
Worker bee

I’m so sorry that you had to deal with that.  Small blessing is that he freaked out at the rehearsal, not at the ceremony.  I’m so glad that your family rallied around you and will be there for you, so you can leave this behind.  I wouldn’t worry about reconciling until there is enough distance for him to see how inappropriate his behavior is, which may not be for a very long time. 

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