(Closed) My feelings are hurt. NWR.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Pinksapphire:  i am so sorry you are having a difficult time right now. I think while in the beginning L wanted you to be there, for some reason she has changed her mind. Maybe she is only allowed 3 people in the room?

I truly think that you have not heard from her as much because she has made this decision and feels bad about telling you. As a good friend, you need to take it easy on her, and be understanding.

Don’t forget how much you love your friend. I have lost a friend over her not attending my daughter’s 1st birthday party. I truly regret that choice because even though we have reconciled, our friendship will never be the same.

Post # 4
Member
1695 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Pinksapphire:  I think it may be a little more complicated than you think.  That’s not to say that I don’t completely understand how you feel.  My now SIL asked me to be her bridesmaid.  Later, she had to rescind because of family issues.  And while I completely understood, I was devasted. 

Maybe she had to tell someone else they couldn’t be there and the only way to do that was to limit it to those three people?  Either way, I’m thinking she already feels bad and this is an emotional time.  I’m sorry that you are feeling this way. 

Post # 5
Member
46375 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s hard to  have those kind of feelings.

I think it is totally reasonable for her to change her mind. Personally I had my husband and no one else. For me, birth is not a spectator sport, nor do I need anyone else there other than Darling Husband, the nursing and medical staff.

Have you tried to put yourself in her place? She may have been carried away in the beginning of her pregnancy then decided she really didn ‘t want extraneous people in the delivery room. Would you have acted differently or treated her differently throughout her pregnancy if you hadn’t been expecting to be in the delivery room?

The fact that Mother-In-Law told you implies to me that L knew you would respond this way and wanted to avoid dealing with it. It would have been nicer for her to have told you herself, but at the end of a pregnancy many women focus totally on themselves as a self-protective mechanism.

Post # 6
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Pinksapphire:  people change their mind about those types of things. She probably felt bad and didn’t know how to tell you she had changed her mind. Try not to be too hard on her.

My sister originally said she only wanted her husband in the delivery room with her. When the time came, she wanted my mom and sister to be in there with her, too.

I really wouldn’t take it too personally. 

Post # 7
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

OP, you are right; she, as the mother, can have anyone there she likes (depending on hospital rules), and can change her mind at any time.  I’m with you thouhgh, why couldn’t she just tell you herself?  I really dislike people asking other people to be messengers of bad news; it just makes things all the more touchy.  Anyway, just keep being her friend and support her.  Maybe in time she will give you an explanation for why she rescinded her invite.  

Post # 8
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m sorry to see you’re feeling this way.

Is this L’s first baby? If so, maybe she was caught up in the excitement earlier in her pregnancy and simply asked because she felt it was a sharable moment. As time has gone on, perhaps she’s realized that she would prefer other support people. That’s not saying you wouldn’t be a support, but having her mom and your Mother-In-Law, as women who have been through that, might make her more comfortable. It’s hard to say.

I can tell you from the perspective of a pregnant woman, pregnant with my first child, the idea of labor and delivery is very scary for me. It didn’t seem like much at first. Once I started reading through loads of pregnancy books, birth stories, and even watching birth videos, reality set in. Going through labor and delivery is major. I’m 3 months away from my son coming into the world and the process scares me. It’s not pleasant. And as a PP said, it’s certainly not a spectator sport.( In fact, my Darling Husband and I have an agreement, he’s not to look below the waist – he can only be by my head, in support mode).  If it weren’t for the fact that my hospital only allows 1 support person, I would still choose to have Darling Husband and absolutely no one else.

As a PP said, put yourself in her shoes. It’s an emotional time. Yes, she should of talked to you about changing her mind. But please take it easy and don’t take it personally. It sounds like you have been a wonderful source of love and support, and she’s been lucky to have someone like you in her life.

Post # 9
Member
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m sorry, that was really stinky of her to change her mind and then have your Mother-In-Law tell you. I would be hurt too. Yes, people are allowed to change their minds, and I get that pregnancy/birth are emotional etc. but she should have taken more time to think through her decision before she asked you. I personally get annoyed with people like this because I am very conscientious about carrying through with what I tell people I will do. Others are not so much 🙂 Anyway, try to let it go because it’s not that big of a deal at the end of the day. 

Post # 10
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

The questions isn’t about “if she has a right to change her mind:, the question is WHY couldn’t she put on her big girl panties and tell you herself. Having someone else tell the OP just totally seems insensitive and as if the OP isn’t important enough for a converstion face to face.

OP I think you have every right to be upset over this! Just because she can change her mind at any time, doesn’t give her the excuse to treat her friends this way.

Post # 12
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Is it possible that this wasn’t L’s idea, that one of the mothers or her Darling Husband wanted to keep it more private? Because it does seem odd to me that she would kick you out now, and would only tell you once the baby was born and not even when she went into labor.

I’m sorry OP! It completely sucks to be excluded at the last minute like this. You sound like a great friend and support and don’t deserve to be treated like this.

Post # 13
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Talk to L about it. I know it won’t be the easiest conversation you two will have but you need to talk about the difficult things in life too. Otherwise it will just stay in your mind and fester.

Post # 14
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Um..k I dont think you should be upset at all.  Maybe because she didnt tell you herself?  I have had 2 kids.  I kicked everyone out.  Seriously, you wont understand until you are pregnant.  Even the end of a pregnancy sucks, it completely changes you.

When I had my youngest, I asked my SIL to be there.  Just Her, my Fiance, and me.  I went out of my way and asked her.  And When I was in labour I kicked her the F out.  seriously. 

Please dont be upset by this.  It really is not her fault, and if any pregnant woman asks you to be in the room with her, just smile and nod. Chances are your not going to be!

Post # 15
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@PinkMermaid:  

The questions isn’t about “if she has a right to change her mind:, the question is WHY couldn’t she put on her big girl panties and tell you herself. Having someone else tell the OP just totally seems insensitive and as if the OP isn’t important enough for a converstion face to face.

OP I think you have every right to be upset over this! Just because she can change her mind at any time, doesn’t give her the excuse to treat her friends this way.


Yeah, I agree with you about this. Just because you’re pregnant, it doesn’t give you a free pass to act like an asshat to other people. She could have given the OP the time of day to let her know she’d had a change of heart.

OP, sorry you’re so hurt. L is being immature by avoiding you. You know you would have been there all the way if she needed you, so at least you know what kind of friend you are. Maybe this is a life lesson showing you what kind of character you have, and that you should embrace it as one of your best qualities.

Post # 16
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@StuporDuck:  Absolutely! It really gets on my nerves when pregnant women think they can act however they please and they have every “right” to behave that way.

The topic ‘My feelings are hurt. NWR.’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors