(Closed) My FFIL—love him, but not sure how to handle this…

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Ooohhh that sucks.  We’re getting married over this year’s Labor Day weekend – on the Sunday, as well.  My Maid/Matron of Honor wasn’t really happy about the date, for reasons that I won’t get in to, but what I had to realize is that we can’t accomodate everyone.  I know that it can be especially frustrating when it is a close friend or family member, but I think that those people have deluded themselves in to thinking that they have some sort of pull over your wedding day because of how close they are to you.

I know it’s hard, but put your foot down, refuse to apologize, and do your day your way.  Hopefully he’ll come around.

Post # 4
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Ugh, I have my own Father-In-Law issues, so I totally understand where you’re coming from.  Based on your post, I don’t see how you can address this issue with your Father-In-Law without him making a huge deal out of it.  It sounds like, if you tell him that he’s the one at fault for pressuring you and trying to guilt you into changing your minds (and that he’s a real jerk for bringing it up every chance he gets), he’s just going to turn it back against you. 

I would just give him minimal fuel for his fire.  If he keeps bringing it up, keep reminding him that the date is set in stone.  It’s exhausting and annoying and infuriating, but telling him to stop isn’t going to make a difference.  Stand your ground, but be prepared for the long haul.  🙁  I wouldn’t be surprised if he kept this up even after the wedding; it sounds like that’s just a (very unpleasant) part of his personality. 

Post # 6
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Thats annoying, it’s not like your wedding is even preventing him from going to the reunion anyway!  If I’m correct, your wedding is on Sunday and his reunion starts on Wednesday?  I really don’t see what the big deal is for him, he can easily travel on Monday or Tuesday!

Maybe next time he brings it up you could make a reference to the fact that you have already placed a deposit.  That might make it more “set in stone” for him.

Post # 7
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

What if you got a little upset? I’m not talking about being a drama queen but maybe just get a little girly on him when he brings it up again. Just be all “oh my god we tried to make everyone happy and I am so sorry you aren’t but you are making me feel bad!” wimper wimper…

sorry if that sounds manipulative but with people as thick headed as he is sometimes you need to use a hammer. I think this would work especially if his wife doesn’t do this and if he doesn’t have a daughter. He won’t know what to do with himself.

My Future Father-In-Law has no idea how to handle women (divorced confirmed bachelor) and sometimes I ramble on about wedding details just so he understands how much damn work this is taking and won’t bother me with requests (this is how I got him to forget about the distant cousins he wanted to invited. OMG the list is so big! i dont know what I am going to do! Woe is me. Worked like a charm).

Post # 8
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I totally understand, CurlySue.  Our Future In-Laws sound very similar; I could totally picture him doing what your Father-In-Law is doing to you right now.  I am in the midst of writing my own vent post about the most recent events on our end…  All I can do is commiserate with you and encourage you to stay strong.  Try really hard not to “fan the Flames,” and kill him with kindness.  At this point, having dealt with my Father-In-Law for 5 years, it’s the only thing that seems to work.  Good luck, and let me know if you find anything else that works!

Post # 9
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Thats difficukt, but long story short, his son’s wedding should take precedence over a work reunion.  No ifs, ands, or buts about it, this shouldnt even be a discussion.  Him not getting it is definitely difficult, so Id let it ride.  If he hasnt taken teh hint by now, he likely wont.  You’ve tried tact and bluntness, now its just his personality.  Sorry youre dealing with this =oX

Post # 10
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

All you can do is take a deep breath and support your fiance.  He’s probably more frustrated than you could ever be!  He’s had to live with this type of behavior his whole life! 

I feel your pain.  My Future Mother-In-Law got all up in arms about our choice of October 10 as a wedding date.  Why?  Because fall is the middle of the youngest (and favorite) son’s soccer season!  She actually wanted us to rearrange the date around his team’s schedule.  Bear in mind that the son in question told us flat out he didn’t care if he misses a game, he’s just thrilled to be part of the wedding.  It still took months, to get her to stop mentioning it. You just can’t change people!

Post # 11
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Its annoying and its rude of him, but its also something that could turn into a big nasty fight and you dont want that associated with your wedding.  Do your best to ignore it, and make sure your Fiance knows how this is making you feel.  There may be a time and place for him to talk to his family about it.

The topic ‘My FFIL—love him, but not sure how to handle this…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors