Post # 1
So my FH is a wonderful man and he makes me happy in so many ways. That being said, he won’t perform oral. I have given him blow jobs before and enjoy doing it, but he has never reciprocated. He is extremely nervous about it and just says that he doesn’t know what to do. No matter what I say or do I can’t convince him to try. This isn’t something I need all of the time, but would like to experience it and have it be an option. Any suggestions on how to make him feel more comfortable so he’s willing to try? I was a virgin when we got together and have been open to trying new things and I just want him to do the same.
Post # 3
@bellaselwyn: When you find the magic potion to get him to do it, let me know(: I’m struggling with this too.
Post # 4
Youporn.com has a catagory called tutorials. maybe that is something you can watch together.
Is it a hygene thing? how about you both take a sexy shower together before hand
shave -put a light, non-fragrenced lotion on after.
just tell him to do what you do when you give him oral.
Post # 5
Mine won’t take no for an answer. When we first started dating, I had never let someone do that. I regret that. Haha.
The issue I see is you should never make your partner do something in bed that they are not comfortable with. Remember this. Somewhere, some girl is trying to be convinced to do anal.
Have you tried alcohol?
Post # 6
@figgnewton: @bellaselwyn: Okay…Am I weird? I just absolutely hate this. Like loathe, can’t stand, don’t want, get away from me. HATE. FI loves it and always constantly bugs me to do it, to which I say no and hide under the bed 😛 Seriously, I have never cared for this with any man, it is no reflection on skill set.
I think I stand alone…
Post # 7
@MrsPanda99: I wish I hated it. ): It’s been the root of alot of fights in the past. You stand alone but you stand strong(:
Post # 8
@bellaselwyn: Tell him he doesn’t get any more bjs until you get oral too.
Post # 9
@figgnewton: I honestly didn’t realize this was an issue. I assumed all men loved to do it, since every man I have ever been with has bugged me to do it. They always seemed shocked when I said no, so I just figured I was the odd one out and everyone else did it on a daily basis 😛 Lol.
Post # 10
I dont like doing it too often. Mainly because it takes a long time for it to “work” and I feel bad for his jaw 🙁
He, however, LOVES doing it and says the length of time just allows him to do it more. haha sweet guy
Post # 11
I would recommend that he read a book called She Comes First. It was a fascinating read for me as well as my DH, and it goes into the psychology of women and how oral sex is more than just a physical thing. It also describes technique, but the most important focus of the book is psychology, and how a woman feels powerful, beautiful, wanted when her man goes down on her (other than the rogue women who don’t like it, of course!), and just the opposite when he doesn’t want to go down on her. He’s got to know that it’s more than just a little licking.
Also, there are many instructional DVDs you can get to watch together, as well as couple’s therapy if he continues to refuse it.
It sounds like it’s just a confidence thing for him, which a lot of talking can help with. You’ve got to talk him up and make him feel like a man for making you feel good with oral. Right now he probably feels a little wimpy since the area seems to be scary and foreign for him, but a few good experiences will make him feel like a powerful muscle car engine 🙂
If it is some deep-rooted issue, that’s something to work through in couple’s or individual therapy.
I disagree with a PP that no one should ever be coerced to do anything in bed that they’re uncomfortable with. Life is ALL about discomfort and trying new things to please your partner, and in turn, yourself. There are some things that are hard NOs, but this is a very normal part of sex for most couples, and you feel cheated without that experience.
Post # 12
@MrsPanda99: You’re not alone. My DH doesn’t really care and has no issue with not doing this, he takes care of me in other ways, but I am just WAYYYY too self conscious about it to let him give me oral. I obsess about the taste, smell, everything…just can’t let myself enjoy it, so it’s pointless.
Post # 13
No more BJs until he reciprocates.
I think that’s fair because they are equivalent. I mean, no woman I know just *dies* to give a blow job, but we do it for the love of our men. It’s only right that he suck it up and do the same.
(If it makes you feel better, I’ve never recieved oral either. We’re going to try it for the first time on our honeymoon. It’s mostly because I am not sure I want him to)
Post # 14
@hisprettygirl: I would recommend that he read a book called She Comes First.
I was just going to recommend this. Very good read. I dated a guy that had never had any experience with oral and let me be honest that this book made a world of difference.
There is a huge difference between someone who won’t and someone who doesn’t because they are not comfortable/familiar. Honestly a forever no would be a deal breaker for me (sorry if that makes me a bad person). I think if he wants to continue getting pleasure via BJs he needs to be willing to reciprocate. If he is willing to discuss it then do so and let him have a few pointers. He may just need to ease into it a bit.
Post # 15
Haha. Nope, not every man loves it. Mine certainly doesn’t! It’s not a hygiene thing for him, it’s more a skill set that he doesn’t have. I honestly don’t think he’s ever done it. Some online tutorials might be an option, but he gets pretty embarassed by that stuff. I think alcohol would help too for sure.
Post # 16
This is shocking — My SO bugs and begs me to do this all the time — I do enjoy it, but I would agree that I have to be extremely relaxed & it takes quite awhile to get to the big O. So I usually opt out of doing it, which dissappoints him. I need to make an effort to let him do it more.
Has your FH never done this to any woman? I mean, theres no rule book on givings BJs, as women we just go for it & learn as we go… Sounds like he is more afraid of being so close to a womans netherparts….???