(Closed) My FH's family hates my good friend's FH

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Your fiance’s family will just have to learn how to be mature and settle their differences at the wedding. I’m sure your friend would be put off if her fiance wasn’t invited to the wedding.

Post # 3
Member
928 posts
Busy bee

I think you have no choice but to invite him. Talk to your friend and your FH’s family about the predicament. Sit everyone on opposite sides of the room from eachother as well. Hopefully everyone can get along for you and your FH if only for the duration of the event.

Post # 5
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I don’t want to seem insensitive, that’s terrible what happened to his cousin. But I just want you to be prepared your friend may not come if her fiance is not invited.

Post # 6
Member
998 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I would not invite someone like that. I’m sure your friend is aware of the allegations (if she isn’t, she needs to be!) and I would just let her know that because it was never resolved, he’s not welcome but you hope she’ll still come. I think that’s the best you can do.

Post # 7
Member
2446 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Invite the friend and not the fiance. And then don’t worry about it 

Post # 8
Member
1605 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
fallbride456 :  normally I would say you’d have to invite him. But in cases of safety and abuse, especially that of a minor, nope. Standard etiquette doesn’t apply here. Etiquette is merely a standard way of treating people well. In this case, your fh’s cousin’s feelings take priority. 

Post # 9
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee

We’re worried about ETIQUETTE for a child molester?? Etiquette be damned. No, he cannot come and if your friend cops a tude about it, she can sit her ass home with him. She needs to get accustomed to that if she intends on keeping him. 

Post # 10
Member
932 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

He raped someone.. so no he doesn’t get invited and your friend can deal or not show up. This is what happens when you date someone who sexually assualts a minor.. sorry those people get no second chances in my books. zero sympathy.

also wtf is your friend doing with him.. what… is he a nice guy now? ha

Post # 12
Member
6878 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
fallbride456 :  A molester?!?! Fuck etiquette. No way I’d invite him. I wouldn’t even feel comfortable ever being in his presence. 

ETA: If you give her a +1, that means she can literally bring whoever she wants. So she’d still probably opt to bring him. 

Post # 13
Member
1272 posts
Bumble bee

In the case of abuse, I think etiquette can be ignored in favor of good sense and the well-being of a minor. I was molested as a teenager and if I were in your FI’s family, I wouldn’t attend any event where both I and my abuser were invited (I would probably consider ending my relationship with you as well, since I would see your actions supporting him and condoning his behaviour).

Post # 14
Member
8940 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Etiquette does not say you should invite child molesters. So no problem there. Your friend might still be upset, but that’s what happens when you date child molesters. 

Post # 15
Member
2726 posts
Sugar bee

You definitely should not invite him. That would be horrifying for his family and potentially traumatizing for the cousin if she’s coming. Even if she’s older now, having been abused by someone and broken like that, and then watching them just carry on having a normal life without any perceivalbe consequences can be HUGELY damaging and only add to their lack of self worth. 

You should be prepared though that they may also take issue with her depending on the details. Still seat them far apart and minimize potential interaction. Does she know that they are the family of the girl he molested, not just that he molested someone? She may feel awkward coming at all if that’s the case. But your family should be protected over someone who feels awkward about dating someone that sexually assaulted a child. 

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