(Closed) My FI and his 2nd Amendment

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Ooo.  This is tough, and I’m sorry you’re in this position.

How explicit have you been with Fiance regarding your feelings?  Ie, that it’s not about politics or personal views, that you do not feel safe with the gun around.  That sort of thing really ought to weigh more heavily in this kind of discussion, I think, than his sort of abstract attachment to his arsenal.  Particularly if he doesn’t hunt or go to the firing range.

(One assumes that he has all the proper licenses and permits for these things, right?)

Do you have a garage?  Or a basement?  Perhaps he could keep the gun itself in the house, but the ammunition outside?

Post # 4
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I have no idea what to tell you.  My Fiance doesn’t have a gun but he wants one.  I don’t.  We go back and forth about it all the time.  I won’t feel right about it when we have children.  Even if its hidden, double locked, whatever, it just doesn’t feel right.  I hear cases more often of the gun owner hurting themselves than defending their property or family.  I work in local government, I see this stuff.  A lot of times these civilians with guns assume they have a right to shoot an intruder without penalty but in our state, that’s rarely actually the case.  Again, I don’t know how you can remedy this situation.  I wish you luck though!

Post # 5
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t have any useful advise on the main issue.  However given that your Fiance really likes guns and is likely to continue liking them for the rest of your lives I would strongly advise you to take a class on the firing range. 

I too think guns are mostly a problem and not a solution and frequently not useful for self protection, however I think pure discomfort that comes from not having had contact with guns is not a reasoned argument so some contact that eliminated that discomfort and leaves only philosophical discomfort would be helpful.  It would also give you more grounds for your argument I think.  🙂  Plus it’s fun.  Just because you go out and shoot them doesn’t mean you have to be comfortable with them in your home but if you do have them in your home you IMO must must be comfortable with/know how to shoot them. 

Post # 6
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I used to be sort of anti-gun until I met my husband, who is a former marine and an avid gun collector. The thing that made me more comfortable around his guns was getting educated about them. It’s easy to be scared of guns if you don’t know how to use and store them properly. You could ask your fi to show you how to use them and that may help… I’ve actually discovered that shooting is a great way to let off steam! I would also suggest getting a gun safe or some sort of lock box for the house, that way you don’t need to see them and you’ll know they are safely stored.

Post # 7
Member
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I would suggest possibly allowing your Fiance a “man room”. He can put all of the guns in there, clean/oil them in there (this has to be done several times a year even if they aren’t being used), have a tv for sports/shows you don’t enjoy, etc. Basically what old school dens were for. I would suggest you familiarize yourself with the guns that he owns and guns in general. I’m not bothered by having a rifle/handgun in the house, but that’s because I grew up with them and have always had them around me. As long as you know proper gun safety then you won’t get hurt. Guns seriously don’t hurt people, it’s carelessness that does. Also, you might consider taking hunter’s ed. It teaches you how to be around guns (and yes, how to skin/gut animals, but you don’t have to touch anything) and one of you does have to have taken it for you to legally own a gun.

Post # 8
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Arachna I couldn’t have said it better. 

If you and your Fiance do decide to have a gun in your home, then you should make sure to practice loading it and shooting it, even if you have no intention ever to use it as protection. 

Even if you don’t have the gun in your home, I think being around them and understanding them is valuable.

Post # 9
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

Between my bf and our roommate, my house is like an armory.  They hunt and just go to the range.  Until I had moved to the south, I had never even seen a gun, let alone live in a house with one.  I like the “out of sight, out of mind” policy.  My bf keeps his in his office, and my roommate keeps them in his closet.  They are all stored unloaded, so that makes me feel better.  I had them show me that they were unloaded to ease my mind.  Learning about them has made me feel a little better, but if I could, I would definitely live in a house without guns.

Post # 10
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m fairly comfortable around guns, having grown up in a home with them, I was taught to handle them properly and had my license to use one, and my Fiance is a military man.

That being said, I can also understand and respect your feelings on them. But, like you said, your home is your fiance’s home as well. Voice your concerns, and if he feels strongly enough about it to disagree with you, then you will have to come to another arrangement.

I agree with Toffee, and that perhaps he could have a “man room”. At the very least have a gun rule in the house (which is just common sense anyway), and have the guns locked up at all times, unloaded, with the ammunition kept in a different part of the house.

Post # 11
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m with you on this one. C has a couple of guns, too, which he says are for protection. So far they are not in my house (he moved in over a year ago), and I do not want them there! He knows how I feel about this, but it hasn’t really come up again. I’ll have to ask him what he plans to do with them after we’re married, because I absolutely do not want them in the house. I trust him completely, it’s everyone else I don’t trust!

I don’t have any advice, but you definitely have my support. I’m curious to see what other options people offer.

Post # 12
Member
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Do you know precisely why you feel unsafe with guns in your home?  For ages I have been toying with the idea of learning to use a gun and then purchasing one, for protection purposes (in an interesting reversal, Fiance is the one who has been the voice of opposition about this).  I don’t like it that only criminals have guns, and I don’t think we’re ever going to live in a country where civilians can’t bear arms.  I have only had one paranoid nagging fear about it, because I know we would never bring a gun into our home without learning how to safely use and store it. I freak out sometimes and think that either one of us might sleepwalk in the middle of the night and pull out the gun and shoot.  Now, I know this is totally irrational because neither of us sleepwalks.  But I still worry a little.  Otherwise, I can’t see how owning a gun could be a problem unless you keep it loaded in your sock drawer or something.

I grew up in a house with a few guns for protection purposes.  My dad stored them in a lockbox in his closet and never actually had to use them, but I was glad they were there, knowing that if an armed intruder came into our house one night, we wouldn’t be sitting ducks.  And further, I had no idea how to get to them, nor did I want to.  

Basically, I can totally understand why you’d think that guns are a problem, not a solution, but this is one of those times when I think it doesn’t work to act like an idealist in a non-ideal world.  An armed intruder isn’t going to care about your stance on gun usage.  And like  you said, this is your FI’s house too.  If he feels strongly about owning guns then you should consider letting him own them.  It’s not like he’s irresponsible with them, right?  

Post # 13
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Before Darling Husband I had never really been around guns. Well, he owns close to 20 different types and is a collector, avid shooter and hunter. He has educated me on gun safety and storage as well as shooting. All the guns are in house and I am perfectly fine with that. When we built our home we designed a hideaway gun storage place that even has a crawl hole I can go into should an intruder come in and I am alone and lock myself in. I personally feel guns are not the issue, there is alot of carelessness out there and uneducated individuals who lack gun safety. It also depends on the state if you need a license to own a gun. In ohio, you do not, you need a license to hunt and fish but not own a gun. Now I am strongly against gun control but that little thing I dont understand. I own my own gun and feel much better with having them in house knowing I know how to use them. My Darling Husband is a police officer and has his concealed carry license and carrys his gun in public and you would never know. I personally think you just need to talk to your Fiance. See how he feels about the issue and what he thinks would be best but honestly if he feels he wants it in the house I honestly do think you should take a class.

Post # 14
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Okay so what’s the point of keeping a gun for protection but keeping it locked up unloaded and storing ammo elsewhere?

I would not be comfortable with guns in our home. I’m not bothered by hunting and owning guns for that purpose, but I personally would want the guns kept elsewhere. I don’t think its unfair to ask him to not keep it in your home.

Post # 15
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee

Joe keeps his guns at his parent’s house, in his dad’s gun safe. They hunt ducks and geese though, so the guns have more of a purpose.

I really think this is a tough issue. As long as he stores the guns in a locked place, with gun locks on them, I don’t see why it’s a problem. There is a 99% chance that they will never see the light of day. When it comes to using guns as protection, that there are so many laws to what you can and cannot do, it’s not really wise to use one anyway.

 

Post # 16
Member
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I have no problem with having a gun around, and grew up in a home where my father collected antique guns and had very nice modern ones too.  He kept them in a very nice locked safe-type enclosures for them.

As long as they’re safely locked away, and no kids can get into their enclosures I have no problem with a gun being SAFELY kept in my home.  Key is safely.  Hopefully one day, I will be able to take target lessons!  I’m a pretty good shot in fact, with my sons’ airsoft rifles when we’re shooting targets.

My son owns two airsoft rifles and he and all the neighborhood boys play airsoft all the time.  He also knows that he is to never touch a real gun, and with kids it’s important to have good communication for safety issues whether a hot stove, curling iron or flat iron, microwave, or firearm of any kind. 

 

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