(Closed) My Fi had dinner with another Woman

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Yeah that is weird of her, like she’s trying to stir the pot. For me and my Fiance, I don’t care if he does and he doesn’t care if I do. 🙂 

Post # 4
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think its really good of her to tell you, even if its nothing to be worried about. I would just simply say, “I appreciate you telling me, and I would do the same for you. She’s a friend of ours, I knew they were out to dinnner. But thanks for giving me a heads up :)” 

She was looking out for you, and she might think you might be covering up something (which makes no sense, but from the way she is asking if you are ok, seems likely). 

But yeah, we can both go out with friends of the opposite sex, it really is a non issue with us too. Ha, hubs was out to lunch with my bff one day, and I got a frantic text from someone saying they saw my husband having lunch with another woman. I was like OMG I know, how horrible that my bff took him to lunch while I was away for business.  She was like, oh good Im glad its nothing serious. LOL

Post # 5
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

My husband doesn’t have any female friends, so for me I would probably die if he was found out eating with another woman as it would be compeltely out of character.

However, if you know his female friends and it is something that has always been done, then its not a big deal! Especially if your cool with it.

Post # 6
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Honestly, I can’t imagine someone being so persistent unless she actually saw something worth telling you about. If it were me, I would probably ask why she is so concerned about it and what she saw. Then, if it was just that she saw the 2 of them out to dinner, I would tell her I was aware of that and thanks for looking out for me, but nothing is going on.

I trust my fiance, but I still think going out to dinner alone with another woman is not something I would be comfortable with, honestly. He has plenty of female friends, and I’m fine with that, but that just seems like an inappropriate activity.

Side note: Did you know in advance that he was going out to dinner one-on-one with a female friend?

Post # 7
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree with the other posters. It’s really nice that she’s looking out for you, but I would send her a message and make sure she understands that this is totally not a big deal at all. You know the girl he was having dinner with, and you’re all good friends. She doesn’t have to worry about your relationship, b/c everything is fine and there are no secrets. I think if you nip it in the bud, she won’t keep pressing you to see if you’re ok.

Post # 8
Member
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Yea that was kind of catty of her. And honestly if I was that concerned I would not have sent you an impersonal text msg on something that could have been serious (so she thought). I would have atleast called just in case you werent okay or got it @ a bad time.

But for what its worth it wouldnt be a problem for either of us as long as we talk to each other about it.

Post # 9
Member
9642 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

You handled it so well!  Good for you for not letting her cause any trouble between you and your Fiance.  That’s awesome.

Post # 11
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If she persists, despite your assurance that everything is fine, ask her why it’s important to her that this be an issue.

Post # 12
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@Eva Peron:  My Fiance doesn’t really have any female friends either, so if someone mentioned they saw him out with a lady I’d probably be really confused LOL

Aside from that, we’re pretty free to do whatever we want. I go out with my male friends quite frequently – of course Fiance is usually invited, but he wouldn’t care if he wasn’t.

That being said, it kind of sounds like a combo stir the pot/let you know kind of thing. It was nice of her to give you a notice in case it was something to be worried about, but you already said you were cool with it and she stated that she didn’t see anything bad so I don’t really understand what the big deal is. If she’s not trying to create drama, I have a feeling she’s testing the water to see if YOU’RE mad at HER since your responses were so delayed. I have a friend who does similar – will say something questionable, and if I don’t respond right away (even if I tell her hours later that it doesn’t bother me), she’ll think about it for days and days.

Post # 14
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@TwoCityBride: I think having your Fiance talk to her Boyfriend or Best Friend is going to start drama. I would totally just handle this myself. You could even let her know that you were supposed to join them, but had to bail last minute so that she leaves it alone. The last thing you want is for her to start spreading rumors that she saw your Fiance out with someone else and you’re in denial or something, ya know? 

Post # 15
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think she keeps  asking about it because of your reaction. Your response to her was very cold and she kinda had to keep asking you to say something. Its almost like your irritated at her for saying it to you.

I honestly think its hard to be a good friend because if God forbid it turned out to be something and you found out she knew,you would be upset that she hadnt told you. So its like she cant win, eitherway.

Post # 16
Member
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@MrsSl82be:  THIS.  Well said, couldn’t agree more.  I think it was pretty brave and sweet of her to call you the first time.  Now that you’ve explained your position, she needs to drop it. 

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