(Closed) My FI has a cruel fam. And I think they might be out for us.

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m sorry but what you’re saying sounds like they have had a tumultuous relationship with your Fiance for a while and are pulling away out of hurt.  I agree that it’s short-sighted to not form a relationship with their grandchild because of their fear you won’t let them see him, but isn’t that kind of what happened?  It sucks that they talk about you behind your back, I definitely agree there, and their behavior is kinda pathetic, but you can be the bigger person.  Honestly in this situation I would urge my Fiance to go to counseling – it’s really hard to break off all your ties and start afresh, and maybe he could use some help to evaluate those relationships and what they mean/meant to him.  Good luck because it sounds like you’ve had a hard time of it. 

Post # 4
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It sounds like your Fiance is a good guy to leave his not-so-nice family and immature friends behind him. One groomsman is fine, and while I’m usually okay with an uneven wedding party it sounds like maybe having one woman standing with you might be best. I’m sure if you have good friends they would understand if you have to ask them to step down as bridesmaids. Or perhaps if you have a great family they would stand up with him to say that even if his family won’t be there your family will. It would be great even if your dad would stand with him, and if you have brothers or cousins that would be easiest. Or have one of your bridesmaids go stand with him. This is no time for traditions – it’s a time for support from caring people.

Post # 5
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Wow, I’m so sorry that you have to deal with that. That’s just painful to even think about! For them to go all out and act like this and acting like victims is really pretty silly. I hope that they decide to let his brother stay in the wedding, and it seems as though even if they told him he can’t I’m sure he wouldn’t be happy about it.

Why do are they so standoffish? Claiming that they will be hurt by him again? Did something happen when he was younger that caused them to think this way? If at all possible, maybe try to sit them down, be it alone or with a therapist to sort these problems out. 🙁 Family is so important. I hope they wake up, life it is TOO short to be so petty and silly…

In terms of the groomsmen problem, personally what I would do is have some of my bridesmaids also get fitted for a tuxedo or black dresses, or even just have them stand on his side. My bridesmaids  though are very close to my fiance so I know they wouldn’t have a problem, but yeah, that’s the only suggestion I can make–and that’s hard, because my fiance doesn’t have a whole lot of guy friends and one of his friends backed out of being a groomsmen, so he was pretty bummed.

Again, so sorry you have to deal with that, what a pain! 🙁 Best of luck to you, and keep us posted!

Post # 6
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m so sorry for your experience with your Future In-Laws.  I also don’t understand how or why people are so mean and cruel.  I suppose it is just an obscene degree of self-centeredness.  It’s ridiculous that they would let their little feud stand between letting your FI’s brother support him on that day.

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