(Closed) My FI hurt my feelings yesterday…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m SO sorry you are hurt. Something similar happened to me. He could easily have appeased you by texting he loves you and I sincerely hope he apologizes today.

Even if it was a high powered meeting, he could have texted you from the restroom or from his car or wherever. He could have said from the get go, “Hi honey! Busy meeting ahead, I love you, sweet dreams”.

I feel strongly about this subject so I am on your side.

Post # 4
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Umm, sorry, but that’s beyond ridiculous.  My husband works out of state from March-September, and we talk at least 3-5 times a day on the phone, not to mention texting and emails. 

I totally understand that sometimes it’s not ideal to talk, but my husband will still step away from the table or whatever to tell me goodnight.

The part of your story that bothers me the most is that you embarrassed him and now he “isn’t talking to you for the rest of the night.” How old is he that he thinks he can “punish” you?!

Post # 5
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

he is “embarrased that you called him at a work function and now won’t talk to you tonight?”

like you’re a little kid that needs punishment for wanting to talk to him?!

wtf. I would get out if there is ANY other reason to believe that he is otherwise controlling/manipulative/passive-aggressive.

Unless, if this is a completely one-time thing, and you are able to talk to him about it and he acknowledges that he was just in a bad mood or something was going on that he couldnt explain to you then, and sincerely apologizes.

But seriously, this sounds exactly like something that my dad would do to my mom, and they should NOT have gotten married. (treating her like he needs to control and punish her for doing things that aren’t “wrong,” but that he still doesn’t approve of.)

If he’s acting like this and you’re not even married?! It will NOT get “better” if you get married! (It’s a lot easier to break off an engagement than to end a marriage! and please don’t let the fairy-tale image and glamour of a wedding cloud your vision! keep in mind the *marriage.*)

Post # 6
Member
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Fiance has a super stressful job and I like to bother him during the day 🙂 I know that sometimes he gets frustrated because I talk a mile a minute and he can’t get a word in to tell me that has to go. I’ve learned to ask him if he has the time to talk for a minute of he’s too busy. 

Your Fiance should not have told you that he would call you later. He should have just said “Sorry, at a work function, not sure when I’ll be done but if it’s before Xpm, I’ll give you a call. Love you.” 

I don’t think it’s about you not being a priority but since this is a new job he probably feels pressure to fit in and to do what’s asked. 

Post # 7
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Did you know he had a work function? Does he normally tell you about his days events so you know in advance?

Is this a typical occurence…like is he uptight about his phone or rarely likes to update you or was this just a fluke?

Post # 8
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I also hope that he was where he says he was and not in the middle of something suspicious and, I’ll say it, you “embarrased” him because he was with another woman. Ugh, I hate thinking the worst, but it just sounds too weird that he couldn’t just text you that he loves you and good night.

Post # 10
Member
2107 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I do have to agree a bit with your fiance.  He was at a work function in a job he’s only been in since June, and in my eyes, it would look unprofessional of him to either answer your repeated phone calls or to call you back.  He did text you and say he would call you later. 

That being said, I don’t think it would have killed him to text you just to say “going to be later than I thought, probably won’t be able to talk tonight” or even a simple goodnight.  And his refusal to talk to you sounds slightly immature – he should have called you to tell you how upset he was, not just text you to tell you that he’s not talking to you. 

Post # 11
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m going to guess that were you in labor he’d probably be a little more attentive to your calls whilst at work.  It’s a lot easier for a guy to say ‘hey guys I HAVE to take this my wife might be in labor’ than to just say ‘brb phone!’  So I wouldn’t stress out about that aspect of it. 

Post # 12
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@coffeegal85: i sympathsize. i would be upset too.  my ex was like that and it drove me nuts.  he is my ex though for many reasons!  my husband on the other hand would never do that. he doesn’t even have a cell and when he is out of town, he will call from whereever he is to say goodnight at the minimum.  so i do think your Fiance was definitely not nice and i hope he can see that though.  Perhaps the best way to communicate it to him is not to attack him, but ask him to put himself in your shoes….but really spell it out for him too.  like ask him “what if i was out of town, we hadn’t talked all day and all you wanted was to say ‘goodnight, i love you’, then i blew you off and wouldnt give you the time of day?”  

Post # 13
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Men aren’t perfect. Sounds like he was simply caught up in his own emotions and didn’t think of you which sucks. Have you discussed this with him?

Post # 14
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’d be upset too.. I’m sorry that this happened to you.  I really think it’s uncalled for.. there’s no way that he couldn’t have found 5 minutes somewhere in the day to call you.  And if this happens regularly while he’s out, that’s definitely a problem.  There needs to be a serious discussion, pronto!

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