(Closed) My FI hurt my feelings yesterday…

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 28
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

What type of super adorable dog is that under there?

Post # 29
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I feel like guys sometimes do not know the best way to handle situations like this…alll of this could have been avoided by a simple “i love you, call when I can” text, which would have taken 3 seconds. but guys do not think like that lol, so i definately understand why you are upset. going forward, i would just mention to him that it is very important for you to keep in touch even if it is a simple text so that you do not have to worry and cause a bigger issue that could have simply been avoided.

Post # 30
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I went through something very similar last year with my now husband.  We’d lived together for a number of years before he took a job across the state.  Much like you I was REALLY pissed at first…and truth be told I did some pretty immature things in return – not returning his calls, snide texts, etc.  When it came down to talking about it and I’d had time to cool off I simply told him that it’s important to me to have contact/communication with him – especially at the end of the day.  Like many other previous posts said even if it’s a simple text saying he was running later than expected and he’d call as soon as he could is nice.  Tell him how you feel.  If you make it clear that it’s important to you and he doesn’t listen, then be worried.  But right now I know how you’re feeling because I was in almost the same situation – take some time to think about how to explain its importance to you and then talk to him.

Post # 32
Member
3563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

The fact that he was out at a “work” event at a bar is a little different from a meeting. It’s a bit ridiculous that he couldn’t text you just to say good night, or couldn’t step away for a minute just to say hello. My DH has many business dinners, and while I’m never able to talk to him on the phone, he will email me/text me to let me know what time I can expect him home. I would be super pissed by your FI’s behavior. At the same time, calling 3 times is a bit much…I usually do texts or emails, as they’re not as intrusive. If you didn’t call/text him while he’s away, would he contact you?

Post # 33
Member
2286 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

He was definitely probably annoyed, but the thing that rubs me the wrong way is how he handled it, telling you you embarrassed him and (it sounded like) therefore he wouldn’t be talking to you tonight. My guess is that he was not in a very good place and is stressed out about work and wedding.

You feeling like you’re not a priority coupled with his punishing you is a big problem. It also sounds like you’re feeling really cynical about your relationship right now, even after talking to him about it. Couples counseling, dear. Couples counseling NOW.

Post # 34
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

He shouldn’t be punishing you by not speaking to you because he was “embarrassed.” And I agree, he should have sent you a quick text like “Can’t talk, but I love you. Nighty night.” or something like that! 

*hugs*

Post # 36
Member
13095 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

My DH travels for work every week (gone Mon – Thurs typically) so I am used to the travel arrangements you describe.

We try to talk on a nightly basis but it can’t always happen because he often has work events that carry over into the evening.  Sometimes we can talk for an hour, sometimes we can talk for 5 minutes, and sometimes he has so much going on that we can’t talk at all.  That’s life.

If I were your Fiance, I’d have been very annoyed by your continued interuptions after I’d said I couldn’t talk then and would call you when I could.  His ultimate response of refusing to talk to you that night was immature but his annoyance was certainly valid.

Post # 37
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

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@coffeegal85: Agreed. His phone should have a vibrate or silent setting. If your calls were “embarrassing,” he probably could have silenced his phone. Plus, when he sent you the first text, he could have tacked on a “love ya.”

Idk what to say, since you said you’ve already talked to him. This would probably make me want to stop answering some of his calls… not really out of spite, but idk. <3 (That last bit is probably a bad idea. lol. I don’t recommend it.)

Good luck, girl. <3

Post # 38
Member
15021 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think how he handled it at the end and didnt want to talk is totally wrong espeically since he had finally made it back to the room and knew you wanted to talk all night.  But I also understand why he didnt want to or felt how he could not talk while in the middle of something with coworkers.  Yes, its important for you to talk everyday, but just cause he doesnt do this one thing for you, doesnt mean that he is always just doing what’s best for him.  Arent there things that he does for you, that he may not want to or is not in his best interest??  (i hope that answer is yes).  He was in the middle of something, sometimes it is that hard to step away and say I need to call my Fiance to say good night.  I hoenstly dont think I would do it if I were in his situation or expect my husband to.  If I’m out for work or busy, I call him when I get the chance, I dont drop everything to just talk to him about random nothingness when he wants to talk.  Unless he’s doing this everynight and can’t talk at all every day or at all when he is away, give him a break if he cant talk for one night.  Come on, just because we love another person and marry or want to marry them, doesnt automatically mean they take full priority every second of the day.  Also, did he actually ignore your phone call? Or just miss the call?  I miss a ton of calls from my husband and family all the time. I’m not constantly checking my phone or have it on me, so could he have had it tucked away in a jacket pocket or something and just missed it?

Post # 39
Member
15021 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think how he handled it at the end and didnt want to talk is totally wrong espeically since he had finally made it back to the room and knew you wanted to talk all night.  But I also understand why he didnt want to or felt how he could not talk while in the middle of something with coworkers.  Yes, its important for you to talk everyday, but just cause he doesnt do this one thing for you, doesnt mean that he is always just doing what’s best for him.  Arent there things that he does for you, that he may not want to or is not in his best interest??  (i hope that answer is yes).  He was in the middle of something, sometimes it is that hard to step away and say I need to call my Fiance to say good night.  I hoenstly dont think I would do it if I were in his situation or expect my husband to.  If I’m out for work or busy, I call him when I get the chance, I dont drop everything to just talk to him about random nothingness when he wants to talk.  Unless he’s doing this everynight and can’t talk at all every day or at all when he is away, give him a break if he cant talk for one night.  Come on, just because we love another person and marry or want to marry them, doesnt automatically mean they take full priority every second of the day.  Also, did he actually ignore your phone call? Or just miss the call?  I miss a ton of calls from my husband and family all the time. I’m not constantly checking my phone or have it on me, so could he have had it tucked away in a jacket pocket or something and just missed it?

Post # 40
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

No matter how busy, he has to use the bathroom at some point, right? If I were him, I would have called you back from the bathroom. (How romantic, right? lol) I totally get what you are saying. When my husband goes away sometimes for business and he is busy, he will at least text me to tell me he is at dinner and won’t be home until late (after I go to sleep). At least he keeps me informed and we still communicate even if it is by text or a quick 5 second  call. I’d be upset if I were in your shoes, too. Especially since you say that he tells you to “ignore” your work calls, etc. I find that very rude and immature. 🙁

Post # 41
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

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@BusinessBride: *wholeheartedly agree* 

I’ve recently had to travel to go on interviews. DH knows that I will check in as soon as I find the time. Other than a “Good luck today!” or “Knock’em dead” text in the morning, he knows not to call. I find it unprofessional to excuse myself to chit-chat or check-in with him if I’m with company. I may text back during a quick trip to the bathroom, but often times other women from the group will come to the bathroom at the same time and I feel awkward texting there!

I’m sorry you feel hurt, but please don’t take it as a personal offense! He just feels it’s awkward/rude/unprofessional to interrupt the flow of things. 

Post # 42
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

View original reply
@thehoneybear: I agree with this

This would probably make me want to stop answering some of his calls… not really out of spite, but idk

It’s never the best to return a non-favor in kind but maybe it would show him how coffeegirl feels.

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