(Closed) My FI hurt my feelings yesterday…

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 43
Member
15046 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

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@Just_Squeeze: I think that would back fire cause I dont think men have the same reaction to that as a woman would.  (I know, its a big generalization, but I think its true most the time).  I think he’d brush it off and think ok, I’ll just talk to her later… and then you end up wondering why he doesnt care that you didnt pick up….

Post # 45
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1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@pinkshoes: Very true. In fact, now that I remember, that’s what happened to me with an ex. I thought “not only is he ignoring me but he is ignoring the fact that I am ignoring him!”

 

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@coffeegal85: I’m sorry 🙁 Do you feel like reaching out to him? I hope he contacts you soon.

Post # 47
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3135 posts
Sugar bee

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@coffeegal85:

I wouldn’t friggen call him. Not for a nano-second.

I would be pissy if my Fiance was out that late anyways.  I mean what business dinner goes that late unless you own a nightclub or you’re in the show Entourage.  Unless of course I was informed before.  I’m sorry, but your on the road for business, I feel that I should be kept in the loop if you’re going to be out that late.

I’d be mad, not sad. And I would show him a little of my cool shoulder for a bit.

God Im a controlling bitch but seriously. Men piss me off sometimes. 

How would he like it if the tables were turned around Coffeegirl?

 

Post # 48
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1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@coffeegal85: You have to have a serious talk with him when he gets back. If your relationship is otherwise healthy, you can both work through this. Let him know that you are his fiance and hate that he uses the word “embarrased” to describe how he feels when you just want or need to hear from him for a second while he is away.

If he wants you to ignore work calls, how is that fair?

Maybe start wtih how you named this post “You hurt my feelings”.

Post # 49
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@Oneeleven: Big. Fat. “LIKE!!”

Post # 49
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@Oneeleven: Big. Fat. “LIKE!!”

Post # 50
Member
3135 posts
Sugar bee

Text him this:

Re: not calling me back b/c you’re embarrassed?  Don’t bother And do not bother calling me until you realise what a supreme asshole you are being to me, because until then? I have nothing nice to say to you anyways.

Post # 51
Member
13094 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

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@Oneeleven: Oftentimes, when you have a position that requires travel for work, your work hours are not a typical 8am-5pm.  Business meetings with clients over dinner and drinks are just as important (if not more so) than the typical office worker’s 10am meeting in a conference room.  The social interactions in those business situation foster good report with clients and a good relationship and impression with co-workers/managers/supervisors.

Ducking out during a business meeting to call an SO (whether is is over dinner and drinks or in a conference room in an office) is rude and unprofessional.

Just because the OP’s FI’s work environment/hours is different than what you are used to, doesn’t make it wrong.

Post # 52
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

That behavior is NOT okay with me.  There are a number of way so try and handle this but I would start with an explanation of why you feel the need to talk to him while he is working.  Just say, I miss you when you’re gone, I like to talk to you and I need to know you’re safe.  I would not send you so many messages if you answer me nicely the first time and just let me know you’re okay. Otherwise, if you feel embarrassed by me, we have a larger problem we need to discuss.

He shouldn’t be embarrassed by you, EVER.  Well, mostly ever. 🙂  Men speak to their SO’s at work every day.  I speak to mine multiple times while he is at work.  He even answers the phone when I call in case it’s important.  But I try not to call unless I have to.  Anyway, that behavior sends up a red flag for me.  Why was he embarrassed?  Was there someone there who didn’t need to know about you?

Post # 53
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

The part that I don’t understand is why he is “embarrassed” just by getting phone calls from you.  How would he even be embarrassed if he had his phone on silent/vibrate anyway, which is the responsible thing to do in a work meeting/event?  To me it sounds like he is just trying to make you feel bad by saying that he was embarrassed.  Unless you called and he didn’t have his ringer turned down, which still would not be your fault.  Three times might have been excessive, but he kept saying he would call and then didn’t.  I agree he definitely could have had more tact with the whole situation, but I also think people tend to say things they shouldn’t when in a stressful situation, maybe the work environment at that time was stressful.  I totally understand being upset though, *hugs*.  I know I would be.  

Post # 54
Member
3135 posts
Sugar bee

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@Mrs.KMM:

I just don’t buy he was in such a position for that long.  Everyone pees.  We aren’t talking about an hour here…. it was several hours.

I just wouldn’t tolerate such treatment.

My Fi and I are currently separated by half a world and a half a day time zone away and we have a time where we regularily communicate. And if he is going to be going out on a mission and knows he won’t have easy communication he TELLS me first so I don’t worry. 

Her Fiance is acting like an ass about it.

Post # 55
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2011

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@coffeegal85, I’m sorry not to sound like an alarmist but this would be a big red flag for me. He doesn’t like to talk to you while he’s out of town? Uhm?What?

From what I understand, he hadn’t talked to you all day, you had no way of knowing he was at a work function, so I don’t understand why he reacted so harshly. Call me paranoid, but I’ve had loved ones get injured in car accidents, etc and not answer their phones so I would be highly concerned if he didn’t talk to me all day.

I’m sorry you have to deal with this but you should definitely resolve this before you get married. I wouldn’t marry someone who knew my feelings about something and blatantly disregarded it because it wasn’t convenient for him.

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@Oneeleven: I TOTALLY agree.

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