(Closed) My FI hurt my feelings yesterday…

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 111
Member
15020 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

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@coffeegal85: No, I get it.  A phone call someime in the day or a quick one is nice if he’s going to be away.  I totally want that from my husband too if one of us is on a trip.  And I will try to call if I get the chance and want to talk. My husband hates to talk on the phone. When we were dating I’d call him all excited about something, and then finish telling my story and he’ll be like… ok.. anything else?  I’m like.. no, and he goes.. ok, bye? can i go now?.. I’m watching tv. And I’d be like.. what the hell, you rather watch tv than talk to me?  Is the tv more important?  Well, at that moment, when he’s in the middle of a show and didnt have dvr to pause, it was.  And once I realized I do the same thing to him, blew him off if I was doing anything, I stopped letting it get to me  When you say he doesnt want to talk to you, is he doing something otherwise that he is involved in and doesnt want to step away from??  Does he normally like being on the phone?  Or is he just wasting time doing nothing and still doesnt want to talk?

Post # 112
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1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@coffeegal85: So by me saying call me everynight while you are away, I’m really just trying to stop myself from feeling bad, unloved, and disappointed that he didn’t take it upon himself to contact me sometime during the day.  Does that make sense?

Yes, it makes perfect sense. I hope he understands it that way. If he’s just not capable of doing that, you must consider (for yourself) if you can live with it forever.I know how you feel. I am the same way and require the same kind of acknowledgement from my partner. No other man did that for me (because he wanted to!) until I met my husband. That’s actually how I knew he was “the one”.

Post # 113
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Please ignore this post

Post # 114
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1561 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@coffeegal85: It really isn’t too much to ask for him to talk to you for a couple minutes a day when he is away.  I mean, you do care for his well being and want to make sure all is well.  My husband and I aren’t big phone talkers, but we most definitely check in once a day if one of us is away — otherwise we will think something is wrong.  So I really don’t agree with pinkshoes who is saying that you wanting to talk to you Fiance is somehow wrong.

Post # 115
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310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

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@KoiKove:

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@romanticone5555:

 

TOTALLY RECOMMEND THIS BOOK!!! I can’t stress that enough. More women (and men) need to read it. 

___________________________

Anyway, what 

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@Mrs. Leeds: said really rings true. Something to consider.

Counseling stat. No if’s and’s or but’s…..You both clearly need it.

I haven’t read the entire thread…mostly what 

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@coffeegal85: has written. In my opinion:

based on what she mentioned, it seems like there are miscommunications and red flags. Many Bees had valid points on Business is Business and theres no time for anything contrary.

It would have been prudent to wait it out…. He may have called after he was done. She could have taken it up with him the next day if he hadn’t…

With what you’ve said:

My thought as to why he said what he did (he was at fault in the manner in which he said it of course), he read you calling so much as an insecurity you have. (You’ve already stated you think the worst in people) He may have been hurt because you couldn’t trust him? 

Anyway, I could go on and pin point everything, but I’m not. Many Bee’s have given great advice! Try a few different method’s they recommended…

You still have time to sort things out before you get married. So it’s not too late.

Post # 116
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Ok….WB is going nuts again I think. 

Hopefully I can get the picture and send my response. (Pages arn’t loading correctly and I don’t see half my response!) I’m just going to quit commenting on this unless someone misconstues/asks me something. 

 

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@romanticone5555: What she said. We don’t really know if there are problems in your relationship …just SOME things you 
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@coffeegal85: conveyed. 

But games aren’t going to work. They’ll only create more frustrations …. 

 

Post # 117
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I text him to step away, so we can talk for a few.  He texts back, no, I can’t step away, I’ll call you later.

if i was your Fiance i would be pissed – i take my job seriously and yes i do sometimes put it first (heck often i put it first) and if i said i cant talk to you now and i would call later and yet you continue to harrass me then yes, i would be pissed

my husband and i speak two very different love languages, when my husband travels i wish he would phone me less – i dont need a phone call to say goodmorning and then another one for goodnight but he does – drives me crazy

Post # 118
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I would be upset, too.  Fiance and I are together everyday now.  But, when we weren’t, we’d talk on the phone for several hours a day.  I find it highly suspicious how your Fiance acted.  If my Fiance told me I’d “embarrassed” him (which makes NO sense, btw), I would be done with it.  He could’ve given you somewhat of a better explanation of why he was busy.  He could have said, “Hey, something work related came up and I can’t talk.”  Instead, he gave a vague response.  I am just really suspicious of things like this.  If I were you, I’d expect an apology from him and if this behavior persists, I wouldn’t be interested in marrying him.

Post # 119
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Go to the bookstore, find this book called “Why Men Marry Bitches” by Sherry Argov and turn to page 116.

 

In short: Man goes out. Doesn’t respond to girl’s texts or calls. She yells at him when he comes home. He feels cared for and secure. He has the upper hand.

 

Next time, let the phone go to voicemail a few times. Don’t respond right away. Let him wonder what you’re up to.

 

 

Post # 120
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Darn duplicate posts!!

Post # 121
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

oops!

Post # 122
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I travel for work and while away on business trips, you have to be “on” all day. Talking to new people, forming relationships, meetings, etc.  Dinners are usually extensions of meetings.

It really is an effort to talk to loved ones while on these trips. It isn’t unusual to be “on” from 3 a.m. til midnight… as these trips are the only chance, sometimes, for the year to meet face to face with these colleagues..

 

While on these trips i have to keep my phone on me at all time for work related calls.  Or emergencies of course. If I kept having to check it and surely people say “feel free to take it” and me saying no.. it’s ok… it WOULD be embaressing.

 

He told her he was busy with his work trip and he’d call her back. If my fiance continued to call and text after that I would be very upset and not even WANT to call him back.  Work trips are NOT fun. It’s not going to a fun new place. It’s work 24/7 and being stuck in an uncomfy hotel room when you finally get “you” time… and then using that time to prepare for the next day.

 

I’d cut him some slack.

 

And yes.. on these trips, you can still be going at midnight…

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