(Closed) My FI is becoming a bridezilla

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You guys need to sit down and have a serious conversation. Yes I know this is his day as well as yours but you are n’t being included in any of the decisions. You need to tell him that you feel that your opinion doesn’t matter and that you aren’t “allowed” to have any say in what happens on that day. Explain to him that this is your wedding too and you have made several concessions to him and he needs to start making them for you. this whole event seems VERY one sided and it shouldn’t be that way.

He seems to be very controlling (I don’t know if he is like that all the time or has just gone off the deep end like some do with weddings) and that would really get under my skin. You are an adult and you are fully “allowed” to make decisions too. I honestly would say something along the lines of “If you want me to be the one walking down the aisle that day then I need to be included in the decision making or its not happening.” I’m a harsh person though so that may be a little much.

Post # 4
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Also if your sister has a nut allergy even food that has touched food with nuts could affect her. That issue could kill her (depending on the severity). If he wants almonds on his cake he can have a grooms cake but the main cake should be nut free.

Post # 5
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Ok, I see a lot of things wrong here.

First, is your Fiance paying any money towards this? It looks like just you and your mom are, and none of you have any say. That would be aHUGE issue with me.

Second, why does he get to invite whoever he wants, without contributing any money??? Especially if his parents are well off and your moms not.

Finally, why do you get no say in anything???

Sorry, but if this was my Fiance, I would sit him down, tell him that this isn’t going to happen, and that you either meet eye to eye on this wedding, have the wedding you want, or no wedding at all. He seems really controlling, especially for someone who isn’t paying. And, I would also tell him that for every person he (his mom) goes over of the allotted amount, then they need to pay up, or those people can’t come.

If this were me, I would be beyond pissed, and ready to call the whole thing off, and seriously thinking about my choice in life partner

Post # 6
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I am going to sound really harsh here. I would tell him to F-Off. NOONE will tell me what I can and cannot have in my wedding. If you and your mom are paying for it, you two should be the decision makers. If he wants a wedding his way, he should be paying for it.

As far as the issue with the cake. He is willing to put your sister in mortal danger just to have things his way. This is NOT COOL!!! This would be a deal breaker for me. 

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. If you were closer, I would come over there and knock some sense into him. ((((HUGS))))

 

Post # 7
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’ll just comment on one thing — as someone with a nut allergy, I would not touch any layer of that cake with a 10-foot pole, whether it itself has nuts in it or not. The layers are touching, were prepared in the same space, on the same surface, at the same time, and likely frosted with the same tools, without them being cleaned first…there is inevitably going to be cross-contamination and that is a serious danger.

If it were just one of your guests with a nut allergy I would say he’s right to shrug it off (you can’t please everyone, etc.) — but since it’s your sister, and she is buying the cake, it’s totally out of line to want her to spend a chunk of money on something that would harm her.

Post # 8
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

First, I want to say it’s awesome that he cares at all.  There’s another post currently up where she’s having the opposite problem.  However, marriage is compromise not one person being a dictator.  I personally don’t respond well when someone tells me “this is what we’re going to do.”  I just don’t – life doesn’t work that way.

Also, if my hubs made a comment similar to your FI’s about the nut allergy I seriously would go APE-SH!T CRAZY!  For me that means that he obviously doesn’t care about ANYONE but himself, and for me that’s a huge red flag.

I don’t mean to sound harsh, but after the nut comment I would have been like “yeah, f-you. Peace.”

Post # 9
Member
2190 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

All of that would annoy me. So yes, your Fiance is being annoyingly bossy. The whole cake thing is ridiculous. If he stops acting like a diva, then he can have his own grooms cake, separate from the wedding cake with the cherry almond flavor but you’ll probably have to fork out the money for that yourself…

Personally, if I were you I’d take a step away from the wedding and have a little chat with him if you’re having problems with all of his requests (which I think anyone would!)

 

Post # 11
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would have an issue with everything you said up there, and I would have flipped out a long time ago most likely. Definitely after the cake thing. I agree that you should both be in agreement. I consult my Fiance on most things with the planning, but your guys sounds like he’s being a big ol diva!

As a PP said above, it’s great that he wants to be involved, but I have an issue with the word “allowed”. The only thing he should be “allowing” you to do is have an equal say in how your wedding goes down.

Post # 12
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Good for you! 

I can totally understand the color scheme – why does he say that it can only be gold or silver?  That seems really weird.  Does he justify his opinions, as they should be opinions and not decisions?

Oh and I 2nd Ms. Peach 🙂

Post # 13
Member
14486 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

1.  Yes, unless his parents want to help out and pay for their guest, neither you or your mom should have to pay for them if you are strongly against inviting more people.

2. WOW. I have never heard of a guy that cares that much about colors!!  I’m not sure why he is limited to just the two colors, thats rediculous.

3. If you are forced to pay for so much that you dont want, then yes, you should get some give on getting something YOU want that he doesnt.

4.  If he doesnt like fruit, why doesnt HE just eat the layer that he likes, and stay away from the fruit layer.  A nut allergy is NO JOKE!  His suggestion is so completely selffish and rediculous I dont even know what to say!!  Especially if your sister with the allergy is the one buying the cake for you.

In a nutshell, your Fiance is rediculous!  Please have him look up the definition of compromise and severity of food allergies, especially nut ones.

Post # 14
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@ticatica: Regardless of what the details of the ceremony are, what really “annoys” me about this is that he seems to have NO respect for you or your opinions. That to me is a red flag that supercedes the wedding details.

Post # 15
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

He’s being a serious jackass.  I’m glad you’re planning on having a serious talk with him, because a conversation definitely needs to take place.  I’m still trying to get over his deal with the nut allergy.. that’s beyond selfish.  Especially when the girl is paying for the damn cake.  He needs to get real.  Update us on how your talk with him goes!

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