(Closed) My FI is stressed about my student loan debt.

posted 9 years ago in Money
Post # 32
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I just graduated med school about 7 months ago with around $140,000 in debt, which is pretty low compared to my classmates. My fiance knows my situation well, but I would never expect him to pay my loans for me. My debt is my debt, and because I had all federal loans, I was able to consolidate them and enter into an income based repayment plan where you pay a certain percentage of whatever your paycheck is. And if you are making under the poverty linem then you don’t pay anything. There is also a public service loan forgiveness program, where if you make 120 consecutive payments while working in a non profit organization, and most hospitals are non profit, then after 10 years, the rest of your loans are paid off. The only way this is advantageous to me is if we do married but filing seperately for our taxes, or else they will take his income into account when calculating how much I pay each month.

We live together now, and have a joint account for our household expenses, but our plan is to also keep separate bank accounts at least until my loans are paid off. If you are willing to take the student loan debt as your own, then I don’t see why he would be worried.

Post # 33
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

DONT GIVE UP GOING TO SCHOOL you will regret it forever. Call around talk to hospitals and other places to get an approximate income to talk to him about it. Quitting school is not gonna solve your money problems by going to school longer you will make more money. besides if he is that worried about it talk to a lawyer im sure there is some kind of agreement that they can draft up that he is not responsible dfor your debt. Tust me I have tons of debt, my Fiance does to but we are working on our credit scores together, we finaly got approved and bought a starter home together. your partner should be more understanding i think esspecially if you have been up front since the beginning

 

Post # 34
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@AJA1128: I understand how you feel. I dropped out of college in my Junior year and this past year I started back to finish my degree. My fiance was uneasy about me finishing my degree due to debt.  He has never taken out loans due to Veterans Benefits from his father. But, I explained to him how much we would be better off with both of us with degrees.

 

I work in Financial Aid and your Federal Loans are in your name and yours only. The only one responsible for the payments are you. If you unfortunately passed your husband would not be responsible for the payments. Here is a link to a calculator you can use:

http://www.direct.ed.gov/BudgetCalc/budget.html

Post # 35
Member
5667 posts
Bee Keeper

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@ItWasntMe: You said pretty much everything I was going to.

Please don’t give up your dreams. Stay in school.

Post # 36
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@AJA1128: Wow, I’d be livid! School is an investment. Especially nursing school, which will set you up nicely for a career with a lot of job security and good pay! Your SO is being EXTREMELY unreasonable in asking (well, it sounds more like telling) you to quit school in order to marry him. I would be seething. Please, whatever you do, do NOT quit school for him. That would be personally and financially irresponsible. If it is not too late, please also reconsider taking a leave of absence. Your Fiance is bullying you, and you are sitting back and essentially validating his incredibly unreasonable reaction by going along with it. You need to stand up for yourself and refuse to give in. This is your future we’re talking about. Taking a leave is not going to help anything.

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@ItWasntMe: THIS. I agree with everything you said.

Marriage is a partnership. Your SO’s attitude is very, very concerning to me. Marital counseling is a must. When you get married, your lives and finances are completely intertwined, whether you want them to be or not. $100,000 of debt is a lot, certainly, but not completely unheard of these days–particularly when the majority of that is going into starting you off on a great career path. Does your Fiance have other controlling tendencies? The fact that he expects you to give up on your dreams is honestly pretty disturbing to me. I hope that he was just having an intense emotional reaction to the number of debt and quickly realizes how unreasonable he was being, because otherwise I’d be second-guessing things.

Post # 37
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@AJA1128: I just wanted to add that I think you should be more concerned with your husband trying to buy a house right now than he should be with your student loan debt. Owning a house is a much bigger liability than student loan debt, particularly when he is struggling with his salary. I’m only pointing this out to show you how unreasonable your fiance is being. 

Post # 38
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My Fiance has 18k from his undergrad education and when hes done with his masters will have another 40k tacked onto that. Does it worry me that he will have all this student loan debt? Yes. But Ill be there to support him and help him pay it all off in due time. Marriage is a partnership. Yes, having that debt is annoying, especially when it could go to something else in the future..but Im okay with it, if it means my Fiance can achieve his dream career.

Post # 39
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My sister had similar issues and her bf (ex now) had a problem with it.  He came in the picture when she was months from graduating with her pharmacy degree (and took credit for her achievement..but that’s another story), so he knew well that she had amass a large student loan..she had about 125k in loan.  She had three jobs lined up and ended up working at a hospital making 9k a month (more if she worked extra hours). As they got more serious, they talked about her loans and he put pressure on my sister to pay it off..he had a spreadsheet of how much money she would make if she were to work 7 days a week (and she did so until she just couldn’t humanly managed)! The stress he put on her did make her pay off half her loan in the first two year out of school, but she had no saving… My sister was smart enough to walk away from him when he dangled an engagement and ring with the condition that she pay off the rest of her loan…

Don’t quit or postpone school..you’re only delaying the inevitable. My sister net 6k and pays $1.5k in her loan (a month in a span of 10 years)..leaving her with a lot of money to save up and other things.  You’re taking a loan now toward an investment toward the future..it will only benefit you and your fiance and family to have the degree that will give you the earning potential.  I didn’t get go as far as my sister..i’m making half what my sister makes..so I wish I had!

 

 

Post # 40
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

IMO, you shouldn’t quit school. You want to make sure you could take care of yourself, no matter what. Don’t give up your dream for marriage. I think you’ll end up resenting him because he’s holding you back. I would say to keep your finances separate for a while anyway. Like another poster said, a home loan is a MUCH bigger debt than a student loan. School is an investment, and you’ll get it paid for eventually. My Future Brother-In-Law pays about $600/month on his $70k in student loan debt. It’s doable even with two kids and his wife being a SAHM to support.

Post # 41
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee

There are really two sides to your question.

First, since your Fiance knows about your debt,he should have thought about it before he proposed. If it bothers him now, then you are better off without him.

Second, should you really have a $70K debt for nursing? My answer is no. Since you already have a BS degree, shouldn’t your program only be two year? I have a few nursing friends who did their Masters in nursing in one and a half years. And yes, they are having difficulties finding jobs. One has graduated 2 years ago and still working at Starbucks, the job she held while in high school. I would not have a $70K school debt in this economy.

Can’t you find a nursing program at a state school? Or an Xray tech program at a community college? Xray techs are much more in demand.

Post # 42
Member
221 posts
Helper bee

I’m in the same student loan debt nightmare. Fiance is really good about supporting me though. I freak out more than he does, so I try to ignore it. At this point I just have to finish (nursing school with previous loan debt as well), and then I’ll have a decent paying job. And Fiance heard from a little birdie that he will be promoted within 6 months, and this was a couple months ago. So if this happens, I’ll be able to finish out my last semester and plan this damn wedding with a little less stress. Then I can start contributing to the household bills, but we’ve both agreed that for the first 5 years or so I’ll need to work as much overtime as I can get and put a large sum of my pay checks straight to my loans to pay off the principle. It will all work out. Just tell him to relax!

Post # 43
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@UpstateCait: I agree with this. I don’t think you should quit school, but I understand why your Fiance is freaking out a little. He knew you had debt, but probably didn’t know it was $70k worth. Have a talk with him about your future earning potential and show him the numbers. He probably just wants some reassurance that your debt is manageable. 

Post # 44
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

SO has about $150k in student loan debt and I have about $25k. It sounds like a ton, but it can be consolidated. I’ve found they generally work with you, especially those first couple of years out of school when you aren’t yet at your full earning capacity. 

Don’t quit school. Is there some way you can work out what you would owe per month in loans when you finish, then show him a budget working that in? SO and I are doing ok, not rich but not struggling, and we’re getting our debts paid back on schedule.

Post # 45
Member
2424 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m on the fence here. I 100% agree with PP that you should NOT quit school, because nursing is a great career and you will make decent money, and there are still jobs available (my Fiance is a nurse). I am always pro-education, and don’t think FI’s fears should take that away from you.

But being the one in our relationship without debt, FI’s debt (which is not very large at all- around $20K ) does freak me out a bit. And it’s just because my parents raised me to be very wary of loans and debt, so the idea of inheriting debt after working so hard so that I wouldn’t have any is tough. But I don’t hold it against him and I don’t know that I have ever told him it makes me uncomfortable, but it does. But he is awesome about paying it off, he is paying something like 3x the month minimum, so we will get it down fast.

I guess what I’m saying that while her Fiance did overreact, I wouldn’t villainize him too much. Debt is a scary thing, especially when it’s not your own!

Post # 46
Member
5493 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

I have over $150K in student loans from law school and I’ve been paying them slowly but surely since I graduated.  I’m on the 20 year plan.  DH has absolutely no student loan debt even though he went to very expensives undergrad and graduate programs, (he was lucky to have a trust fund).

After I saw your post I asked him if my student loans freaked him out at all.  He looked at me like I was crazy and said absolutely not, that I had to incure that debt to be able to do what I do and make the money that I make.  He basically said that I invested in myself and that’s an investment he would make a thousand times over.  I should mention that all our finances are joint so in essense he is also paying that student loan off.

I think that if your Fiance is so freaked out by the cost of your education then I’m sorry to say he’s short sighted.  The education is going to allow both of you to have a better income and better lifestyle.  Furthermore, he should have the confidence in you to know that you’re worth it.  If my DH had this sort of reaction I would really pause to re-evaluate our relationship.

Definitely do not quit school and continue investing in yourself!

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