(Closed) My FI saw my dress and he doesn't like it! :(

posted 5 years ago in Dress
Post # 16
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

If the OP had said that he saw the dress without the ‘I don’t like it’ part I would understand why other bees are saying that he won’t remember it as a way to reassure her. But in this case it wouldn’t make me feel any better as his memory or lack thereof doesn’t solve the issue of him not liking it.

However I do think it’s unlikely that he could have a true idea of what she will look like on her big day without the bridal hair, makeup and accessories. I think the dress is stunning but as PPs said she may need to talk to him to establish why he didn’t like it and clarify why shes  upset. I don’t think she’s being overdramatic either, 99% of women would be gutted to hear their Fiance say that.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by  Tisa85.
  • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by  Tisa85.
Post # 17
Member
9076 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’ve scrolled down to comment and I don’t remember what your dress looks like. I doubt he does either. Besides, it’s a different experience when he sees a photo of you versus actually seeing you in it when you get married.

And even if he doesn’t like it, so what? He loves you and he’s marrying you. It’s not about the dress, it’s getting married. He’s not going to look back at photos and then spit because he hates the way his wife’s dress looks.

You’re taking this far too seriously, it’s not something to cry over. You love it, he’s still marrying you, and that’s all that matters.

My husband saw my dress when we flew back home. You know what he said? “Oh.”

That’s it. It didn’t matter and I bet if I grilled him right now he’d have no idea what my dress looked like. All he would remember is marrying the love of his life.

Edit: The appropriate response to him not liking it is, “Good, it wouldn’t look good on you anyway.”

Post # 18
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’d see if you could find out why- I send my guy a link to a dress I adored- and he was like- gawd that’s awful.

 

I was like- umwelp. okay- good think I didn’t fucking preface why I sent it!!

Anyway- I was like- WHY didn’t you like he- “it looked funny”

No- did you not like the lines- the beading- the shape? the poof/none poof?

 

I gave him design elements he could pick from to chose to reject or not so he wasn’t struggling for words. 

 

So OP I would agree with someone who said “he should have put 2 and 2 together” I totally get why you are upset.  

I’d see if I could find out a little more and figure out if he REALLY did see it or just made a knee jerk reaction and if the things he likes are stupid things- or something you can down play or work around. 

 

PS- the dress is lovely- I’m sure you look smashing in it.

Post # 19
Member
1931 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

This is one of the reasons I don’t think surprising your fiance with the dress is a good idea. If my Fiance didn’t insist on this tradition, I’d take him shopping WITH me.

That being said, I HAVE to ask – and no body shaming intended – what body type do you have? THe dress looks beautiful on the stock model, but the key word is MODEL… That style of dress is lovely, but difficult to wear.

Again, that being said, I doubt it’ll affect him long term, lol. It’s a dress. My Fiance was AGAINST me going blonde. I did it anyway and he likes it now. Or, he’s forogotten he didn’t like it, haha.

If YOU feel gorgeous that’s really all that matters.

Post # 20
Member
11381 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Lol I’m pretty sure he didn’t dislike it because ^^^^. 

That dress is actually very flattering on a variety of women, and I’m saying that as a natural blonde, not to blonde shame anyone. 

Men say stupid things about wedding dresses because they want to please the woman they love by having an opinion to show they care. I would honestly blow off his comment, though as I noted with my plus one earlier, his lack of compassion for your upset is not cool. He might be frustrated. 

You two should talk, and I am sure he would love you in any dress girl. For real. 

Post # 21
Member
7559 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Tell him to GTF over it because you like it and it makes you happy.

Post # 22
Member
865 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I bet he won’t even remember it’s the same dress on your wedding day. Once you are done up with accessories and the dress is fitting you perfectly, it will look different. When I was engaged I would ask my now-husband what he thought of a dress, and if I didn’t get the answer I wanted, just as an experiment, I’d show it again a week later and get a different response. He didn’t remember he’d even seen it before. That gave me the confidence to pick out what I wanted and not worry what he thought; I don’t think guys know what they like! I’m so sorry you had this experience, but I absolutely would not change your dress based on his reaction of seeing it in a cell phone picture for a moment. He’ll think you look beautiful on your wedding day, and besides, he’s got the rest of his life to see you in different outfits; this is your chance to wear what you love! 

Post # 23
Member
2454 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sorry. I understand the frustration with this. I mean honestly the one things that I was looking for in a dress is something to make my fi swoon. I know you want to look good for him and yourself. I really wouldn’t take what he said to seriously. He very quickly saw the dress and it will be way different when you are all dolled up and it fits you properly. Also, he won’t remember this is the dress he didn’t like and he could probably care less if you wear a garbage bag on your wedding day. 

Post # 24
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I totally agree with 

View original reply
Tisa85:  Whether or not he remembers the dress is totally irrelevant unless he also happens to forget what he does and doesn’t like. The issue isn’t that he saw it, it’s that he saw it and doesn’t like it. 

In any case, I am sorry this hapened. I too would be devastated if my fiance told me that he didn’t like my dress. Can you ask him a bit about what he did or didn’t like? Maybe he’s picturing a ballgown as being a stereotypical wedding dress and was off-put by a different style? Who knows? It could be anything and it would definitely look different when you’re all put together for the wedding day. Ultimately, if you’re able to exchange the dress or cancel the order, that’s up to you. But I know that when I picked my dress, my fiance’s opinion weighed VERY lightly. I picked what I wanted because I kno it’ll make me happiest! He’ll be happy if I am happy. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by  frostfromfire.
Post # 25
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee

If you were crying and crying, why wouldn’t you tell him why?

Does he often blurt out thoughtless or unkind comments?

Would you feel comfortable wearing this dress and hoping he forgets what it looked like in the photo?

Does he honor other important choices that you’ve made over your time together?

Do you feel comfortable responding to him in the style he chooses to respond to you?

I hope that your problems are related to your mutual communication style, and not to flaws in your relationship, and I hope you figure everything out before the wedding takes place.

You’re a very beautiful woman, and you’d look lovely in ANY dress you’d chosen. Is he often critical of how you dress?

Post # 26
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
mrspereira:  I know you said no body shaming intended but if I were the OP reading your post I would suddenly go from ‘he doesn’t like the dress’ to ‘he doesnt like the dress with me in it’ and I don’t think that’s particularly reassuring right now!

Post # 27
Member
4414 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
mrspereira:  lol you’ve made a few comments on other threads about people’s body types and I think ur comment was very UNHELPFUL and also comparing A hair color change to a wedding dress doesn’t help either. I think ur comment was insensitive. I’ve seen plenty of different body types wearing that dress not just the MODEL and they’ve all looked even better than the MODEL… 

OP don’t listen to her advice it’s ridiculous.

Post # 28
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My husband hated this style dress as well. He said it looks like a lampshade? I loved the style but decided against it, as a PP mentioned if he has an opinion of it now he likely is the type that will remember it on your wedding day. Not ALL men are the same.

Post # 29
Member
2505 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
aquabee:  My husband was so dumb when it came to commenting on dresses (I love him to death, I do lol). He’d joke about the “big poofy ones” (which I liked) being princess-y and stupid. Then he’d see one and say that was the kind he liked. He would flip back and forth like this with other styles too. One month I thought I knew what he like then suddenly it was “ugly” lol. basically he has no idea what he likes and whatever YOU will be wearing that day is what he will love.

Post # 30
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

naaaawww of course you want him to think you look beautiful on the day you get married I can see why you’d be so upset. You don’t need to worry though, it’s a stunning dress and as the other bee said once you’re all dressed up and standing in front of him you’ll look totatlly different to the photo and completely gorgeous. big hugs <3 <3 <3 

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