(Closed) My FI told me he doesn't believe in marriage

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
4238 posts
Honey bee

Kimbalina81:  

Yeah, if it’s the stereotypical wedding that turns him off, then just seek out non-traditional ceremonies. But if you absolutely want your white dress black tux white picket fenced country church experience, then, well, he may have to concede there, too.

He wants to win you. He will do whatever it takes to win. You hold the play book. Help him to learn how to play. 

 

Post # 17
Member
2573 posts
Sugar bee

NFLwidow:  Before we got engaged I couldn’t picture not getting married. Morally, I personally would never have kids unmarried but thats not a factor for us. I just look at all the crappy marriages around us and maybe not getting married and just living together is the key ….who knows?

I can think of one couple that is genuinely happy in their marriage and that makes me sad. On top of that the happily married people are child free so I think that contributes to their life being a little easier. I just really have very few marriages to model my own after. On the other hand I know more couples that have been together long term ( 20+) unmarried and they are all very happy.

If I am 85 and still as happy as I am right now I don’t think it would matter to me that the government recognizes our partnership. I do respect that some people require marriage I used to be of the same mind. I also give you kudos for respecting others decisions.

Post # 18
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2016

My Fiance is all into marriage and wanting to Marry me but hes not big into the wedding. If it were up to him we would’ve been married already. So in a way it’s kind of sweet…he just wants to marry me and start our life..but he doesn’t get that I want a wedding and celebration of our love with pelole I love. 

it sounds like your Fiance is this way too. the legal marriage is what he wants and he wants the commitment, but he doesnt really like/want the rest. That’s just what I gather from what you’ve posted. Some guys seem to combine the marriage and wedding day in their heads. maybe you could talk to him and try to see which part he doesn’t agree with 🙂 

Post # 19
Member
1916 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Kimbalina81:  Ben Afflecks role in “He’s just not that into you” ! =) Your man is TOTALLY in to you, that IS NOT what I am saying. Have you seen that movie? Please watch it… it is rather sweet…

This has NOTHING to do with not loving you. Rent the movie and pay attention to Ben Afflecks role.

Post # 20
Member
2968 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Kimbalina81:  I think you need to talk to him and find out what *he* means. Any of us here can speculate, but we don’t know him or what he is thinking.

I can speak for myself and say that I don’t believe in “sacred vows” because I am agnostic. I do believe in commitment, I do believe in promises, I do believe in compatibility, I do believe in love, I do believe in choices and choosing to be with someone. Marriage for me is basically that piece of paper that says you are married under the law and that it is a choice that I/we made.

I don’t believe in marriage based on any kind of religious doctrine.

Is he religious? Could his views be similar to mine? I don’t know. Just ask him.

 

Post # 21
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I agree with @MissJulianna my SO and myself are the same way. We don’t believe in the religious aspects and “institution” of marriage. HOWEVER, we are 100% commited to each other, our futures together, and being with only each other (no extra people in this relationship) and on that note is why we are getting married. 

Talk to your Fiance and see if thats the case. He probably feels that way and is not “changing his mind” but rather trying to show you he is commited to you and understands that marriage is important to you and is willing to do what it takes to make you happy.

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