Post # 1
My Fiance is extremely nervous about the ceremony part of the wedding as he is terrified of people looking at him, speaking in front of people and basically the entire scenario. He thinks that if we did a “first look”, that it would calm him down. I want the excitment to be the seconds before I walk down the aisle to see him. I want to see his face when he first sees me to be standning at the other end of the aisle.
Secondly, we are getting married in a Catholic Church and a “first look”, is not technically allowed. In fact our priest has requested that we spend the week before we get married apart (not happening).
So, my question is… Do I just do the first look to calm my FI’s nerves? Or do I stick to my guns and wait for the ceremony to see each other?
Post # 3
I would do a first look to calm his nerves because…
A) Part of the reason you walk down the aisle for the “first look,” is to get a positive reaction. If your Fiance is super nervous, that moment won’t be what your hoping (probably)
B) If Fiance is calm for the ceremony (or at least more calm) he will be able to enjoy it more. This may help him actually remember/enjoy/cherish that time.
Just my two cents!
Post # 4
Maybe there’s a compromise to this. I’ve seen photos of a “first look” where the bride and groom didn’t actually see each other. They had columns on either side of them, and were able to hold hands around the corner and talk to one another, I thought they were great photos! Maybe it’ll give you and him an opportunity to be together but not see each other…what do you think?
Post # 5
I would stick to your guns..he may regret it..and the first look isnt supposed to be a way to calm him..its technically a way for the couple to spend time together before the ceremony.. my Fiance is catholic and OHH NOO WAY is there going to be a first look- lol hes wayy to traditional there!.good luck !!
Post # 6
LOL, so far it’s tied. I guess it is a good question!
Post # 7
I agree on the compromise that pengoala mentioned. Marriage is all about compromise and heading into one “demanding” your way isn’t healthy for the relationship, IMO. You want your Fiance to enjoy and cherish the ceremony as well, and being nervous will not allow that.
Plus, those semi-first look pictures are uber cute. 🙂
Post # 8
I have severe anxiety/panic disorder and Fiance understands that so he compromised by agreeing to do a first look. Some people can not help the fact that they are anxious….it is a medical problem to some of us and I really appreciate his understanding and willingness to accommodate me and my needs.
What better way to start off your marriage by showing your compromising side? 🙂
As far as a PP saying that a first look is not used to calm, I firmly disagree. I have heard many stories about how much more relaxed a bride and groom felt after their first look.
Post # 9
That’s weird, my Catholic priest said in a real traditional Catholic wedding the bride and groom walk down the aisle together and it’s a protestant tradition that has seeped into Catholic weddings to have the groom at the altar while the bride walks in with her father.
That being said, I’m with you on the whole “I want him to see me for the first time in my dress when I’m walking down the aisle.”
I also don’t see how a first look would calm him down. I think hanging out at the church, joking around with his best man and groomsmen waiting for the guests to arrive will help him get more comfortable and it’s the best man’s job–not yours–to keep him calm.
Post # 10
@pengoala: I think this is a great idea. OP, maybe you could find a way to be alone together for a few minutes before the ceremony without actually seeing each other? Hold hands and talk with a curtain between you or something?
I feel so bad for your poor FI! If he’s this nervous just thinking about it you really might to want to look into a few counselling sessions or some sort of help with his anxiety. I’m sure everyone’s experience is different, but speaking for myself I wasn’t nervous at all about being the center of attention/saying my vows, but when it actually came time to walk down that aisle I was shaking like a leaf! And we did our pictures and signed the ketubah before the ceremony, so it wasn’t even a big reveal or anything. You want him to enjoy it, not be so overcome by nerves that it passes him by. Please try to find some kind of compromise.
Post # 11
Going off what pengoala said I’ve seen some on here where the couple where blindfolded and led into a room where they could hold hands, hug, and everything without “seeing” each other. The photos were reallly touching and being able to just feel you would probably help calm his nerves. If you really hate the idea is there another compromise you can come up with? Maybe you could make each other a little video to watch as your getting ready. You could give words of love and encouragement to each other that way.
Post # 12
@mrssrm: I feel bad for her Fiance too, especially because I can totally relate. Seeing my Fiance will calm me down more than any of my family or friends ever could. He always does. I think it’s sad that someone wrote “it’s not her job” but the groomsman’s job to calm him down. I don’t think people really get it unless they have an anxiety disorder. Poor guy 🙁
Post # 13
I get where he’s coming from definitely. A 1st look isn’t “about” calming nerves, but that doesn’t mean it won’t calm nerves. Truth is, your wedding day is about both of you and I feel like your relationship – and the feelings of 1/2 of it – trumps anything else. I like the compromise some of the PP’s suggested, perhaps ask him if his groomsmen and best man can help calm him down and see if he’d be ok with that. Maybe even have a talk with them to let them know to help calm him down.
Post # 14
I just wanted to throw my 2 cents in here and say that we did a first look and I would never want anything else now. I was hesitant about it but I talked to dh and he said it was amazing. He says the first look had no effect on the ceremony at all, that it was a completely different feeling seeing my come down the aisle. Hope that helps your decision!
Post # 15
I say stick to your guns. Won’t it calm him down to see you as you come down the aisle? What does it matter if he sees you when you come down the aisle or before that? I bet once you come down the aisle, it will ease his nerves and maybe he’ll be so into you and the moment that he’ll forget [or mostly forget] about the guests.
I wanted to do a first look, and Fiance doesn’t want to. I think it would help calm me down also, but I do sort of want to see his face as I come down the aisle. So, we’re not doing one.
Post # 16
In my opinion, I would care more about my man being nervous then the first look down the aisle. In any way that I can make him feel better, I would. Even if that means him seeing me before our wedding ceremony.