(Closed) My FI wants a ‘First Look” but I don’t :(

posted 6 years ago in Traditions
  • poll: Should I do a First Look with my FI?
    Just calm him by doing a First Look : (53 votes)
    61 %
    Stick to your guns and demand that we wait until the ceremony to see each other : (34 votes)
    39 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2063 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I would do a first look to calm his nerves because…

    A) Part of the reason you walk down the aisle for the “first look,” is to get a positive reaction. If your Fiance is super nervous, that moment won’t be what your hoping (probably)

    and

    B) If Fiance is calm for the ceremony (or at least more calm) he will be able to enjoy it more. This may help him actually remember/enjoy/cherish that time.

    Just my two cents!

    Post # 4
    Hostess
    23602 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Maybe there’s a compromise to this.  I’ve seen photos of a “first look” where the bride and groom didn’t actually see each other.  They had columns on either side of them, and were able to hold hands around the corner and talk to one another, I thought they were great photos!  Maybe it’ll give you and him an opportunity to be together but not see each other…what do you think?

    Post # 5
    Member
    1729 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I would stick to your guns..he may regret it..and the first look isnt supposed to be a way to calm him..its technically a way for the couple to spend time together before the ceremony.. my Fiance is catholic and OHH NOO WAY is there going to be a first look- lol hes wayy to traditional there!.good luck !!

    Post # 7
    Member
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee

    I agree on the compromise that pengoala mentioned.  Marriage is all about compromise and heading into one “demanding” your way isn’t healthy for the relationship, IMO.  You want your Fiance to enjoy and cherish the ceremony as well, and being nervous will not allow that.

    Plus, those semi-first look pictures are uber cute. 🙂

    Post # 8
    Member
    1488 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I have severe anxiety/panic disorder and Fiance understands that so he compromised by agreeing to do a first look. Some people can not help the fact that they are anxious….it is a medical problem to some of us and I really appreciate his understanding and willingness to accommodate me and my needs.

    What better way to start off your marriage by showing your compromising side? 🙂

    As far as a PP saying that a first look is not used to calm, I firmly disagree. I have heard many stories about how much more relaxed a bride and groom felt after their first look.

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    64 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    That’s weird, my Catholic priest said in a real traditional Catholic wedding the bride and groom walk down the aisle together and it’s a protestant tradition that has seeped into Catholic weddings to have the groom at the altar while the bride walks in with her father.

    That being said, I’m with you on the whole “I want him to see me for the first time in my dress when I’m walking down the aisle.”

    I also don’t see how a first look would calm him down.  I think hanging out at the church, joking around with his best man and groomsmen waiting for the guests to arrive will help him get more comfortable and it’s the best man’s job–not yours–to keep him calm.

    Post # 10
    Member
    778 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @pengoala:  I think this is a great idea. OP, maybe you could find a way to be alone together for a few minutes before the ceremony without actually seeing each other? Hold hands and talk with a curtain between you or something?

    I feel so bad for your poor FI! If he’s this nervous just thinking about it you really might to want to look into a few counselling sessions or some sort of help with his anxiety. I’m sure everyone’s experience is different, but speaking for myself I wasn’t nervous at all about being the center of attention/saying my vows, but when it actually came time to walk down that aisle I was shaking like a leaf! And we did our pictures and signed the ketubah before the ceremony, so it wasn’t even a big reveal or anything. You want him to enjoy it, not be so overcome by nerves that it passes him by. Please try to find some kind of compromise.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1962 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Going off what pengoala said I’ve seen some on here where the couple where blindfolded and led into a room where they could hold hands, hug, and everything without “seeing” each other. The photos were reallly touching and being able to just feel you would probably help calm his nerves. If you really hate the idea is there another compromise you can come up with? Maybe you could make each other a little video to watch as your getting ready. You could give words of love and encouragement to each other that way.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1488 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @mrssrm:  I feel bad for her Fiance too, especially because I can totally relate. Seeing my Fiance will calm me down more than any of my family or friends ever could. He always does. I think it’s sad that someone wrote “it’s not her job” but the groomsman’s job to calm him down.  I don’t think people really get it unless they have an anxiety disorder. Poor guy 🙁

    Post # 13
    Member
    434 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I get where he’s coming from definitely. A 1st look isn’t “about” calming nerves, but that doesn’t mean it won’t calm nerves. Truth is, your wedding day is about both of you and I feel like your relationship – and the feelings of 1/2 of it – trumps anything else. I like the compromise some of the PP’s suggested, perhaps ask him if his groomsmen and best man can help calm him down and see if he’d be ok with that. Maybe even have a talk with them to let them know to help calm him down.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1526 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I just wanted to throw my 2 cents in here and say that we did a first look and I would never want anything else now. I was hesitant about it but I talked to dh and he said it was amazing. He says the first look had no effect on the ceremony at all, that it was a completely different feeling seeing my come down the aisle. Hope that helps your decision!

    Post # 15
    Member
    1512 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I say stick to your guns. Won’t it calm him down to see you as you come down the aisle? What does it matter if he sees you when you come down the aisle or before that? I bet once you come down the aisle, it will ease his nerves and maybe he’ll be so into you and the moment that he’ll forget [or mostly forget] about the guests.

    I wanted to do a first look, and Fiance doesn’t want to. I think it would help calm me down also, but I do sort of want to see his face as I come down the aisle. So, we’re not doing one.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1101 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    In my opinion,  I would care more about my man being nervous then the first look down the aisle. In any way that I can make him feel better, I would. Even if that means him seeing me before our wedding ceremony.

    The topic ‘My FI wants a ‘First Look” but I don’t :(’ is closed to new replies.

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