Post # 1
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
My Fiance and I have been engaged for 2 months now, and he gave me a CZ ring so I would have something on my finger until we went to get the real deal. I asked him last night when he planned on going, and he tells me that he doesn’t want to buy a ring until he has the $2,000 in cash, in hand.
The jeweler that we were planning to use has been a friend of my family’s since the 70’s, and he intended to work out a deal and a payment plan. But Fiance doesn’t want the payment plan. The issue is that we’ve never had $2,000 in hand.
At first, I thought it was pretty logical, and I can understand not wanting to have an extra bill to pay. But now, the impatient side of me is frustrated a little. Because the deal we’ve been offered is a lot better than any other deal that we can get anywhere else.
I told him that I would be satisfied with a non diamond ring, that I would prefer a gemstone ring anyway, but he’s standing firm about this.
I try to tell myself that I’m being unreasonable. That my CZ ring will be just fine for a while, but the plating is also coming off, even though I take it off for most everything.
I don’t mean to come off as a materialistic person, because I’m not. I just want a ring I can wear most of the time, instead of every now and then for fear of all the plating coming off. (It’s sterling silver plated in white gold. He told me when he proposed that the plan was to get a ring within the next month, which was why it was cheap.)
Am I being ridiculous? I feel bad for feeling this way…
Post # 3
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
I’m sorry you’re frustrated 
. It definitely doesn’t help the situation that he changed his mind about when to buy the ring. Would he be willing to compromise and save maybe $1000 and then make payments on the rest of the ring? The payments would be smaller or last for a shorter time then.
Post # 4
Member
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
@Winter12: As someone who’s e-ring was paid for in cash, I have to go with your Fiance on this. Fiance and I do not believe in financing unnecessary purchases (and yes, I consider an e-ring an unnecessary purchase). It was important to us to be able to pay for my ring out of pocket and thats why we waited so long to get engaged (my ring was $2,000 also). We hardly have any debt and we plan to keep it that way entering into marriage. While it does suck that you’re going to have to wait a little longer to get it, I really do think that your Fiance is just trying to be responsible about the whole thing.
Post # 5
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
I’ll mention that the ring I want is not $2,000. The ring I want is a sapphire, and it would cost roughly $1000, tax and all.
If Fiance waits until he has every last penny in pocket, I will never get an engagement ring. I’ve mentioned just going and talking to the jeweler about it, so he’ll know exactly what the payment plan includes. Working with a family owned business is a little bit easier when it comes to compromise.
In a few months, I won’t be able to wear my ring at all, which makes me upset. I don’t really want to have to explain to people that I’m not wearing a ring because it was cheap, and that my Fiance and I didn’t break up. And believe me, in my family, that’s what happens.
I know that it’s logical, but I would like an engagement ring before I’m married.
If we were getting married next month, I really wouldn’t care. But 18 months is a long time.
Post # 6
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
We pay for everything in cash, my rings, our cars, appliances everything except our house. Wish I could…:) Sorry I side with your Fiance on this one, having no finance plan or extra payment a month is a breath of fresh air. Darling Husband and I finance nothing and have no debt. I waited longer for my ring compared to some of our friends, but it was so worth it.
Post # 7
Member
13 posts
Newbee
If you would truly be happy with a gemstone ring, then I don’t see why he wouldn’t let you have one. I am extremely picky when it comes to jewelry- especially rings. I wanted to go shopping for my ring with my fiancee, but he insisted on going alone. When I got it, I was a little disappointed because the setting sits very high off my finger. I would’ve been more comfortable with something that sat a little lower (I’m such a klutz and I’m afraid I’ll knock the stone out of it). Over time though, I’ve grown to love it. I think you’re being very reasonable in wanting a less expensive ring. Is he afraid people will think less of him if he doesn’t spend an unnecessary amount of money? That would be silly.
Post # 8
Member
14661 posts
Honey Beekeeper
If he were to finance a ring, how long would it take to pay it off? If its within a reasonable amount of time, then he should be able to save enough to buy it in cash in even less time since he woudln’t be paying interest. He’d just have to be disciplined and make sure to save it up.
Post # 9
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
SO paid for our moissanite ring (1,178.00 with a 5% discount) in cash. He was not going to sign up for a credit card or get put on a payment plan. Your Fiance doesn’t want another monthly bill to pay and that’s smart of him. The important this is, you are engaged. The ring is just a bonus and you have a stand in. ^_^ That’s more than what some women even get. I understand wanting it now, but think about your future. Do you want him paying that off for the next year or so?
Post # 10
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I side with your Fiance on this. If you don’t even have a liquid emergency fund, why are you spending that much on jewelry? It’s a tough choice, but I think that our wants as women for the ring can sometimes jeopardize responsible financial decisions.
Post # 11
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
I don’t know what the deal is. It could be paid off in less than a year. I think he feels that he HAS to get me a diamond because my mother made the remark about gemstone rings not looking “wedding” enough.
I’m not a jewelry person at all. But I do want an engagement ring and wedding ring. That’s it. I would be fine never getting another piece of jewelry from him again. But this is what I want. And I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want that.
If he puts back $50 every month, it’ll take over 2 years to have the money. And we’re getting married in 18 months.
I usually pay for things with cash, but I use my debit card for larger purchases. I don’t feel comfortable carrying around large sums of money. I don’t use my credit card for anything but gas. So it’s not like we’re in debt. We pay all our bills on time, usually early. We usually have money left over during the month. The funds are there.
I’m not sure if he’s afraid of going to buy jewelry because he’s a man, or what.
Post # 12
Member
2018 posts
Buzzing bee
I just re-read your OP and totally understand your Fiance wants pay cash for everything, especially these days. But I guess I’m wondering why he’s being so stubborn about not buying you the gemstone ring you want vs. the diamond he wants, which is more expensive?
I know how you feel about wanting a real ring and you are not being ridiculous in that regard. But it seems he would prefer the compromise of spending less money and not more. That’s what seems hard to understand because it’s a win-win for both of you.
Post # 13
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
I think the discussion you should have here is about the budget for the ring and what you’d actually like to have. I don’t think wanting to pay cash is at all unreasonable and I’m sure he could save more than $50 per month. You should also talk to him about his plan was for saving money when he proposed–hopefully he thought this through before he gave you the substitute ring.
Post # 14
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
Fiance is more traditional than I am, and I think the problem is my mother not liking gemstone rings in place of a diamond. I’ve seen the ring he wants to get me, and he’s seen the ring that I want.
If he got me the gemstone ring, he could have the cash in hand in a matter of a month, maybe 1.5 months at most.
To hear him talk about it, he wants me to be happy, but he also wants my mother’s approval. (They haven’t always been on good terms, and have just now gotten around the being civil.) So, I’m trying to reach some sort of compromise with him.
@sapphirebride: He said he didn’t really have a plan. That he just felt like it was the right time to propose and he figured he’d come up with something… Which, is terribly unlike him. In the 4 years we’ve been together, he’s NEVER just up and done something. He ALWAYS has to have an original plan, and one or two back up plans just in case something goes wrong.
Post # 15
Member
1213 posts
Bumble bee
@Winter12: Its completely understandable that you want your *real* ring. However, try your best to be patient with your Fiance, because it really is a great thing to not have that extra bill. My Fiance is sooo glad that he paid cash for my ring because we have friends who are paying $700/month for their girl’s rings!! That’s insane.
Post # 16
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
I can see how it is very financially responsible and less stressful to NOT have payments. It can become a bad habit. Financing isn’t for everyone and definitely not for everything. However, this is a big purchase and maybe it is the right thing to do for you. Have you mentioned to him that financing can potentially improve his credit score? Which will be great for you both in the future when purchasing cars, house, etc.?
