Post # 1
so my Fiance relocated for me and found a great job ( in terms of money and benefits) but he hates it, has hated it since day one, not just the work he does but his co workers as well. It’s very mans man manual labor and he says the guys make a lot of crude jokes all day, prank each other and are just “a-holes” and it’s just not his thing. I’ve met a few of them and I don’t particularly care for them either. BUT he makes more than twice what he used to, the health benefits are incredible and we don’t have to worry about money anymore- enough that he has a safety net to quit until he finds something else. The problem is, that one of us not working is beyond stressful for me . Like we have a safety net now but why squander it. Also it took him a few months to find ANY job and we just lucked out that this one paid well. He doesn’t have a degree so finding a job that pays well is a big bonus. Anyway for the past week or so the situation at work has escalated and he calls me just about every day telling me he wants to quit.
I don’t love my job either and think he might just need a week off to cool off but I also hate hearing how miserable he is. Tonight he’s called me 3x to say this is it. Meanwhile I feel like I’m growing an ulcer at the thought of him quitting. It doesn’t help that the last few months he was out of work he didn’t help around the house anymore than usual and mostly just played video games which annoyed me.
so basically im wondering do I sound like the worst person in the world for wanting him to stick it out until he can find something else? No I don’t want him to be miserable but I also dont want all the money he earned to go down the tube because he quit all willy nilly.
Post # 2
sweetandsour1234: “The problem is, that one of us not working is beyond stressful for me”
Don’t you think that being in an environment with co-workers that are all disrespectful a-holes is beyond stressful for him? If I were working with a bunch of mysognystic pricks, I’d hope my Darling Husband would support me quitting and getting out of there.
Let him quit the job and find a new one. I wouldn’t want my partner to feel that he had to be exposed to that unless we were completely desperate.
However, the fact that he didn’t help around the house while he was home & job searching is inexcusable. I think you guys need ot have a serious talk about what contributing looks like when you don’t have a pay check.
Post # 3
I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all to expect him to find another job before quitting his current job. What he’s dealing with sounds annoying as far as the co workers go, but it’s tolerable until he can find something else. It’s never advisable to leave a job without having a backup plan unless he’s in danger or something.
Post # 4
Suggest finding another job/interviewing before quitting.
Post # 5
My FH has been unemployed since June. He HATED his job as well. I forced him to stay there until he found a new one (he didn’t. he got laid off instead) he now works at shoprite as an overnight and that has created MORE stress and struggle in our life. Have him start looking now so he is not without a job long. Having one person with a job and one not is extremely hard, and it is a struggle.
Post # 6
I don’t think you’re being insensitive, but I also think you need to think of how this working enviroment is affecting him. If it’s something that is really making him miserable then maybe you should just let him do this, and take it a day at a time.
and like PP said, just have a conversation with him that if he’s going to be at home 24/7 he has to pull his weight around the house.
Post # 7
I personally would not feel comfortable quitting one job without having another lined up–too much risk in my opinion. If he is miserable, he should definitely start looking, but until you have that next offer in hand, there’s no telling how long the interim will be.
Post # 8
I think I’m going to suggest he start looking and take a few of his vacation days in the meantime..
Post # 9
Both my Fiance and I are unhappy in our jobs at the moment. For him, the boss has been making some questionable business decisions for the last year and he’s actually worried about the business going under. They’ve also recently moved location so that he now has close to an hour and a half’s commute to work, then the same again home. For me, I haven’t been happy here for a while but it’s the work itself and not the workplace. We’ve also recently moved so that my commute is far longer, although my boss has kindly given me a car allowance to make the cost more bearable.
My Fiance is actively looking for a new job, whereas I’ve decided to stick it out until after our December wedding (I have a month’s annual leave saved up and great rapport with my boss, so it just seemed the better option at the moment). However, we have both agreed that neither of us will quit without another job lined up. This has definitely helped to lessen the stress, as we aren’t worried that one of us will be out of work for months on end. Is this something you can discuss your your FI? Tell him that you’re fine with him quitting his job, you just want him to have another one lined up so that he’s not out of work. I don’t think this is unreasonable at all.
Post # 10
Yeah, I think you are being a tad insensitive. You say who have a safety net, so basically you would rather have the extra money then your guy’s happiness. I know that’s harsh, but that is how it is starting to look.
Hating your job is normal. Constantly complaining to the point where you call someone 3x per day about how much you can’t stand it there is not normal. He’s obviously miserable.
Post # 11
his reasons for not liking the job sound legitimate, but they don’t sound like an imminent crisis. It’s not as if he’s being bullied. That means that he can look for another job before he quits this one.
This is part of being an adult, we work around people we don’t like, we do what we need to.
Find job, then quit.
Post # 12
In my world, unless you are in a truly abusive workplace, a responsible adult finds a new job before they quit the old one. Having the financial reserve to be able to last a while unemployed is not a good enough excuse for me. That money is money that was accrued as savings for some other mutual goal, not money to live on because you quit your job.
Post # 13
I’ve had a job that was so terrible that I left in tears, several different times. Every morning, on my way to work, I would get more and more stressed and anxious, the closer I got to the building. It was awful. But, I did not quit until I found something else. My responsibility to pay bills and save money made quitting without a backup, simply not an option. I feel for him, but adults have jobs, and sometimes we have to tough things out.
Post # 14
it sounds like he needs to leave his job but ideally he should line up a job to go to before leaving. Your update idea is good, but I would also tell him that if he really needs to leave he must leave, yes it’s ideal to have another job to go to but that you’ll support him whatever. Often just being given the “permission” to leave reduces the pressure, they don’t feel trapped and and exit is in sights so they can therefore often bear it a little longer.
Credit to the man for not just falling in with his shitty colleagues.
Post # 15
health benefits are incredible and we don’t have to worry about money anymore- enough that he has a safety net to quit until he finds something else.
But, you don’t really know that cause you don’t know how long it will actually take. It could take months, it could take upwards of a year? How long can you actually make it without his income, plus the added expense of health insurance if he loses his. Working is part of being an adult, and I believe it totally irresponsible to quit with out something lined up. I dont think the savings was put there just to be pissed away cause he wanted to quit his job and I would personally not be happy with that at all. I’d tell him he needed to find another job first. If I’m selffish for it, then so be it, but my sanity and *our* financial security is more important than him not liking his coworkers and job. Plenty of people suck it up and go to jobs they hate, he can too.