(Closed) My fiance broke up with me two months ago. Please help.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This is a man who broke your heart.  What he’s doing with his life now is not for you to worry about. I know its easier said than done, but you need to put him behind you and move on.  If you spend time worrying about him, it will hold you back from moving forward with your life.  This is a time for you to be selfish – think about healing you and taking care of you.

Post # 5
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’m sorry that you’re having such a hard time, and it sucks that he didn’t give you any explanation… but you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you.

If he doesn’t want to be with you, you’ll never be happy in the relationship… besides, you shouldn’t get mixed up with someone who seems to be throwing their life away.

Post # 7
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@songbird711:  Out of curiosity, how old are you guys?

Post # 9
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@songbird711:  sometimes people get caught up in stuff.  I stayed with a guy for 3 years – and thought I was happy. But once I found out he was about to propose, I freaked – realized as much as I cared about him, he wasn’t someone I could see myself growing old with.  But its VERY hard to break the heart of someone you truly care about.

Dont look at it as anything you did or didn’t do… you’ll drive yourself crazy.

Post # 10
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Well, I’m not asking to judge you, but what I’m getting at is a lot of guys want to be boys for a long, long time… Sometimes even through their 30s unfortunately.

 

Regardless of age, it sounds like he isn’t ready to get married because of his drug use and not finishing school. This has nothing to do with you, and has more to do with him needing to grow up.

Post # 12
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

It’s hard to see it this way, but I think he is doing you a favor. Even if you did get him back, you’d be with a college dropout on drugs. And I know you have strong feelings for this man, but once the “in love” wears off, that’s what you’d be left with–trying to start a life and probably a family with a college dropout who’s on drugs.

My dad was on drugs. TRUST ME when I tell you it’s incredibly hard on the kids, and those marriages don’t usually last. If he is going to flake, aren’t you glad he did it now rather than wait until you had a house and kids to deal with? Or until you were supporting him and then had to pay him alimony that might just go literally up in smoke anyway?

No good can come of this situation. Grab your girlfriends and your Hagan Daaz, and then tomorrow hit the gym. You deserve better than someone who doesn’t want you and can’t even give you a good reason why.

Post # 13
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@songbird711:  HUGS — Time will heal. Be sure to spend a lot of time with your close friends. Eventually, it won’t hurt as much. <3

Post # 14
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

He went from proclaiming his love for you and saying that he couldn’t wait to start his life with you, to ending it all, in 2 weeks. Now he’s on a self-destructive path, getting into drugs and quitting school. This man is not marriage material, at least not right now.

I feel for you as I can imagine you’re in shock and terrible pain, but the way I see it, you have 2 options.

1) Continue talking with him, trying to “save” him from his destructive habits, and going in a downward spiral with him, being hurt over and over. Or,

2) Stop all contact. Stop torturing yourself (wondering what happened, if it was something you did, wondering what he’s doing right now, etc). Instead imagine yourself in the not too distant future, dating again, “over it”, being in love with the right man for you. Feel the pain and let the tears flow when they come, but keeping in mind that it will pass. Time heals everything.

 

Post # 15
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@songbird711:  This is where advice giving gets tough because I know this is not what you want to hear hun – but he’s made it very, explicitly clear that he does not want to be with you. If you don’t leave him alone, you will ruin any possibility of him realizing he made a mistake, and possibly scare him or push him to say something mean to you or change his number.

Be strong. Don’t be that girl. Delete his number. And avoid ANY temptation to contact him or see him. 

Guys aren’t like girls – they don’t really do the whole passive agressive mixed messages things that girls tend to do. When a guy says he doesn’t want to be with you, its because he doesn’t want to be with you.

I know that sounds harsh, but its the only way to put it… you have to mourn your loss, cry all you want, surround yourself with loved ones, and move forward.

Post # 16
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@songbird711:  I’m sorry you are going through this.  Yes, it’s horribly painful to be in love with someone who does not return those feelings.  It’s even more painful when you don’t understand why he doesn’t love you back…when it’s obvious to you that the 2 of you are perfect for each other.  I can tell you from personal experience, that you just need to accept that it’s not your business to understand why he decided to break up with you.  He just did.  The best thing you can do is to love yourself so much that you refuse to chase after a man who is not worthy of your love.   It’s ok to accept that you love him, but acknowledge that he does not want you and go through the mourning process because it is like experiencing a death.  Do what you need to do to get over him and move on.  Refuse to go back to him no matter what – change your number if you have to.  After no contact with him for some time, you will begin to see clearer with your brain and less with your heart.  He is doing you a huge favor by walking out of your life. You deserve a wonderful guy who is madly in love with you, is 100% certain he wants you and cannot bear to live without you.   Obviously he is none of these things and this should tell you that he is not the one for you.  Your Mr. Right is waiting on you.  But you won’t be ready for him as long as you keep hanging on to this guy – move on and take a step closer to the real man you are supposed to be with.  Hang in there and be strong…you will be glad you did.

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