Post # 1
He screamed we’re done in the middle of the street in front all his neighbours and chucked his promise ring at me. He blocked me on facebook om whatsapp. We fought about him using silent treatment to teach me a lesson which were his words.
He thought I should learn that he would not yield to my request, one that he originally agreed upon that when I’m upset i need to feel safe to discuss my feelings since in the past he has disregarded them when he doesn’t understand them. So when i’m upset and i close up instead of ignoring me until i come around he should keep trying to discuss, try to make me feel safe in the environment in the moment and discuss it then. He agreed. But today he decided to use silent treatment instead to teach me that my behaviour was wrong. And i dont mean ignoring calls or texts but ignoring over lunch with his family in front of everyone. And everyone asked me what’s wrong except my fiance. He was too busy teaching me a lesson. And I pointed out what he said what he would do and what he did was too different things he justified it and said he wasn’t wrong.
I told him I can’t ever trust what his yes means when the answer seems to change at his convenience. And so he said he was done, chucked his promise ring at me in the middle of the street and walked away. I didnt call or text but just went out and kept myself busy, to only come home and find myself blocked on facebook and whatapp. Just the night before we were going over options to finance our wedding and boom he throws it all away?
What do I do now?
Post # 2
Move on. Your fiancé is an asshole and you deserve so much better than that. You are not a child who needs to be taught a lesson.
Post # 3
I think hes just heated and needs to cool off… dont do anything yet. i would just wait until waiting is to much to handle then call. thats me…
Post # 4
Be grateful. I can’t imagine marrying someone with the emotional maturity of a toddler.
Post # 5
He sounds like he has a temper. Putting that aside for a moment, it also sounds as if you are saying that when you get upset, you give him the silent treatment rather than discuss. Why is your need for rational discussion different than his? What do you mean by “getting closed off” when you are upset and needing him to keep talking to you? Not sure I follow. Why are you getting upset in the first place?
Post # 6
woah… well if you stay with him you will look like a doormat and he will treat you worse each time.
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
Please define “close up” and how it is different than his silent treatment? And were you closed up in front of his family to the point of them needing to ask you “what’s wrong”?
Post # 8
So it sounds like you both gave each other the silent treatment in front of others and then he got uber pissed and stormed off. I think you both need to cool off for a day or two.
Post # 9
I’m very sorry 🙁 I know what it’s like to have a fight with your Fiance and having everyone tell you that he’s a jerk and you’re so dumb for putting up with him and so on, but I mean, you love him and there’s no shame in loving someone imperfect. And in his own way, he loves you too. That said, what he did was a jerk move, there’s no other way to say it (maybe in his head he was mirroring your “closing up” to show you how useless he feels when you close up to him? If he’s bad when dealing with emotion. But chucking the ring and shouting was just mean, whatever his frustration). Your Fiance isn’t going to block you forever, when he cools down you two will talk. For your own heart and peace do forgive him, but you have to choose if you want to stay with him. Just know that his temper isn’t going to change, so, are you willing to live with it for the rest of your life? I don’t ask prompting a “no, I’m leaving him!!” answer, it’s a real question where you answer what you feel, balancing the good with the bad with your gut feeling. And hey girl no judgments here, I’ve been through tough fights too and have received rough criticism from everyone for the way I deal with things. Lots of love and support whatever you choose xoxo
Post # 10
Congratulations. You dodged a bullet.
Post # 11
I think he is simply angry. Unless he is completely out of touch with social skills, he has to feel embarrassed and mad at himself for behaving badly in front of his family.
When you two get back in touch, you two could try couples counseling. Both of you sound as if you are not meshing well with handling of conflict. I don’t think I would be in the relationship if he keeps teaching me lessons. Because that is childish and possibly a sign of controlling behavior.
Post # 12
- Wedding: Malibou Lake Mountain Club
i read your old post about your fiance and his family. Honestly, is this someone you would want to deal with for the rest of your life? It seems there is more than just anger, but a lot of placing blame onto you. And his actions were not acceptable. IF you both want to work it out, is therapy or counseling an option? Going into marriage on a rocky start is seriously a no-no
Post # 13
when someone refuses to hear you out and just wants to move on to another topic of conversation like you weren’t speaking, disregards your feelings, then how do I talk to them? Silent treatment or self-preservation?
Post # 14
Hmmm while I disagree with how he did it, you both sound like hard work. You’ve said what you want and need, but what about what HE wants? Maybe HIS way of handling things is to change the subject. Maybe HE doesn’t like having to continue to discuss and draw you out into your “safe space”. Maybe HE thinks a “safe space” is a lot of old nonsense and he just wants to finish the damn argument and get on with things instead of analysing every nuance. Maybe HE thinks that you’re giving him the silent treatment just as much as he is, but you’re putting a non-blame label on yours.
Think about the way that HE deals with conflict and try to work with that. Not just vice versa.
Post # 15
I don’t think you have to look for the wrong and the right person in arguments all the time. It’s miscommunication that causes it and if he is too dumb to communicate, well then cheerio buddy, he’s a lil kid. Not siding with you though either, you basically tried to squeeze things out of him that you wanted. Sometimes it’s easiest to accept together how you feel and move on from the argument. You don’t necessarily have to write novels about everything. Maybe he is tired of you creating a big shit out of a little fart. You both sound like you got engaged without even finding a way to solve problems in your relationship. Maybe you should be glad the wedding with him is off.