(Closed) My fiance cheated on me for 2 years. Now I am not sure what to do.

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Winery

View original reply
jillybeanz:  I would’ve left him after I found out about your second sentence. It seems like he’s trying to place the blame on you. Nah-uh. NO WAY. Nobody forced him to have sex with that girl multiple times. He chose to do that himself and don’t let him make you feel like you pushed him to do it. 

As someone who has a serial cheater for a father, this will not get better for you. He will always cheat on you; people like that (especially ones who continue to cheat after they know you found out!) don’t change. Flash forward 20+ years of putting up with his sh*t, you will regret not leaving him when you first found out about his true nature. 

 

Post # 47
Member
1483 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
jillybeanz:  wah?? You know he loves you because he’s still with you? Sweetie, does that mean all cheaters who stay love their partners? Um, no. At least not in the way most people expect when they marry. People love to have the security and attention of a partner. It doesn’t mean there is love or respect involved. 

Also your parents are urging you to give him another chance?! This might explain why you have such low regard for yourself.

best of luck to you. sigh…

Post # 48
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee

Be prepared for him to lose his job and get sued for sexual harrassment when this girls gets pissed off at him.  

Post # 49
Member
2347 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
jillybeanz:  I’m sorry everyone, but I’m going to quote Oprah on this one, “You TEACH people how to treat you,” and, “When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM”. 

He cheated and you found out, and that wasn’t your fault. 

Now, you are staying with him. If he cheats again you only have yourself to blame. You are telling him and the world, “YES, GO AHEAD AND TREAT ME LIKE GARBAGE. I’m too much of a doormat to do anythign about it.” 

I personally have very little respect for any people who allow themselves to be treated like trash. And if you do plan on having kids, think about the message that will send them. What kind of man will your little girl end up with? What kind of husband will your little boy grow into? Can you stomach that amount of guilt?

 

Post # 50
Member
709 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Wait, you’re fine with it even if it IS “just sex”???? It’s only bad if there are feelings involved??? I don’t know why you would think he would change after several times of cheating and say yes and move into a house with him….I’m baffled. 

Post # 51
Member
684 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
jillybeanz:  This sounds completely ridiculous. Either you have no self worth, or you think it’s ok if your boyfriend, fiance or whatever you want to call him has sex with his coworker because he just wants to have fun.

Either way it’s wrong. Sure give him one more chance to do exactly what he has been doing for at least the last 2 years. And if you believe that it’s only once a month, then you are really not that bright at all.

 

He isn’t staying with you because he loves you. He is staying with you because he can have his cake and eat it too. Why would he leave when you allow him ( and by allow him I mean you make excuses for him) to have sex with other women.

Maybe you should see a counsellor about working on your self worth and self esteem.

p.s I really hope this is all bullshit and that this is not really happening.

Post # 52
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m sorry, but it’s not “just sex” if he’s been humping the same girl for years. It’s “just sex” if he drunkenly does it once with a rando. He KNOWS this girl. He knows her personality, he keeps coming back to her, this is more than “just sex.” This is a relationship, even if he’s not in love with her. You can’t tell me there aren’t emotions there at all. And the fact that she said she would stop seeing him then, according to him, more or less begged him to sleep with her for months…there is something going on here. 

This is a whole lot of NOPE that I just can’t believe you can see past. If my DH cheated on me I’m not saying I would run immediately, but I will say that it would take a LOT of therapy and work to forgive and I don’t know that I would ever forget, even if I decided to stay together. Especially when you CAUGHT THEM DOING IT. I’m sorry but that would be forever seared in my brain. Nope nope nope. DO NOT walk down the aisle with this man. 

Post # 53
Member
2155 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
jillybeanz:  Unfortunately I totally believe this post is real… here’s why: 

And I know I will get judged for this but it’s worth it if it prevents you from making a huge mistake.

I was that receptionist 7 years ago. I had sex with a guy from work 6x over the course of 2 years. My excuse (not that there can be an excuse) is that I was in love with him and convinced myself that he wouldn’t be having sex with me if he didn’t have any feelings for me. But anyway, that’s irrelevant, what’s relevant is the second reason which was that I thought ”If he doesn’t have any respect for his fiancee why should I have any respect for her?” 

The similarities with your story are huge.. and he also wanted me to have sex with him in the toilets at a party where she was present, but that was more than I could manage.

Fast forward 2 years, I discovered he’d been having unprotected sex with another woman besides me.. and I ”woke up”. I cut contact with him and got myself checked for every STD under the sun. 

Fast forward 7 years. He’s not in my social circles but he’s friends with some people who are, so I get to hear about him from time to time. He’s married, he has 2 kids with his wife, and he has cheated on her with at least 5 women that I know of.

Most recently, one girl came to work crying apparently and handed in her notice that very day because of him (they had had sex after the company party). I don’t work with him anymore if that wasn’t obvious already.

Anyway, everyone pities his wife, everyone knows what he’s like and it will never change. If he’s anything like your guy he comes across as responsible, kind, helpful, sensible… etc. Maybe that’s why your parents are telling you to stay with him… but PLEASE DON’T!!

1) He will NEVER CHANGE

2) He is putting your health at risk with his actions.. you could DIE of AIDS or become infertile from chlamydia. 

3). You will be pitied and disrespected by everyone around you. 

4). Again, he WILL NEVER CHANGE. 

Please leave him and find someone who deserves you. 

Post # 54
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
jillybeanz:  Leave. Get yourself a good therapist for your self esteem and the damage caused here, and go be happy with yourself or with someone who isn’t a complete douche canoe. 

Post # 55
Member
552 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
jillybeanz:  first of all im gonna assume this post is real!!!!

if it is WTF?….this asshole has cheating on you repeatedly for 2yrs …he blatently flaunts his side piece in your face and you are saying you dont know what to do!!..dump this a*hole asap no women deserves this treatment. I dont care if you only sleep with him once a year..go to therapy ..seek counsalling whatever it takes but dont flcheat on your so for years and use sex as an excuse jeez..you deserve so much more its out there for you for sure pls love yourself and walk away from this manipulative toxic man!!!

 

Post # 56
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

The first time someone shows  you who they are, believe them. He is cheater either leave or stay and accept he will cheat on you. But don’t expect him to change.

Post # 57
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

View original reply
amanda3334455:  What I find amazing about your story is that everyone knows it’s at least 5 other women. Seriously, how blantant do you have to be for everyone to know not just that you cheat on your wife, but it is with (exact number) at least 5 other women. I feel so sorry for the wife. It is obvious that he probably found a sweet naive wife with really bad self-esteem issues. As long as he treats her well in other area he can humiliate her as much as he needs to and she’ll take it. 

So glad you got away from him!

Post # 58
Member
2155 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
KoiKove:  I know.. he really is incredibly blatant.. he’s not very intuitive and seems to think that other people aren’t either, and that if you walk towards your car with a girl after a party nobody is going to notice.. 

His wife is very ‘housewifey’, she lives for her kids and I don’t mean this in a bad way but she’s not the most ”caught on” person either, so in that sense they’re a good match, but it’s really sad that everyone around him knows exactly what he’s doing to her. 

Looking back being involved with him was a really huge lesson for me and it definitely taught me that you have to believe in the reality of a situation, not in what you wish it was or what you can imagine it to be (= me imagining that he was a good guy deep down and that he really loved me -> total nonsense). 

Post # 59
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

View original reply
jillybeanz:  you are confused????? I’m sorry but if I were in that situation I wouldn’t be confused! I would be GONE! Some women believe that they should be treated like a dang rug and be used by someone they love!!! Nooo! Go find another or hell be single a while. Don’t buy a house or get married! Wtf?!

Post # 60
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Why would your own parents want you to be treated like trash from a no good, lying, horn dog???

The topic ‘My fiance cheated on me for 2 years. Now I am not sure what to do.’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors