(Closed) My fiance cheated on me for 2 years. Now I am not sure what to do.

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 76
Member
2155 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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jillybeanz:  

I’d like to give you three more pieces of advice having thought about this, because it’s always easy to say ‘leave him’ but less easy to explain how or why.

– Ask yourself why you are in this relationship? If the answer contains ANY element of fear and doubt – ”because what if I can’t live without him’/ ‘what if he’s the best thing that ever happened to me?”’ ‘what if he’s really serious about changing this time?’, those are not good reasons to stay with someone. You should be in a relationship because you are HAPPY and because you WANT to be with this guy, without any fear or doubt.

– You don’t have to wait until you hate him before leaving him. Sometimes, a logical reason (like ”he’s cheating on me”) is far more worth listening to than your heart. Your heart will catch up with your head. I never hated the ”receptionnist guy”, not at any single point in a huge long series of heart-break. But when I finally realized that my self-worth and my own happiness was far far more important than his, that’s when I found the courage to break it off and cut contact. 

– Don’t forget to always give yourself as much love and care as you give your partner. The minute that becomes unbalanced and you’re giving way more than you’re getting back for no good reason (I’m not talking about temporary care for someone who’s sick), that’s when it’s time to leave and you have to listen to your HEAD on this, not your heart. Your heart will catch up.

Post # 77
Member
567 posts
Busy bee

The further i read into this topic, the more i want to PUKE! “It’s just sex?” NO, you are just making up excuses because you want to stay!

Post # 78
Member
2857 posts
Sugar bee

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jillybeanz:  I havn’t read the pages of responses, so here goes:  if you are for real:  Get tested for STDs and dump the MF if you have an ounce of self respect. Why  in the world would you want to be with a man who blantantly cheats on you?

 

Post # 79
Member
493 posts
Helper bee

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amanda3334455:  AMEN!!! loved reading your story.

Post # 80
Member
860 posts
Busy bee

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JenGirl:  THIS.

You can stay. That’s a valid choice. But if you stay you have to accept that he is going to continue to sleep with other people. If you decide that’s acceptable, more power to you. But if that’s not something you want/can do then you need to leave. 

Post # 81
Member
860 posts
Busy bee

Also, you should really get tested.

Post # 82
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I am so sorry you’re going through this but you have a decision to make about your future.  You need to leave him immediately and do not buy a house with him- what ever the loss you may take upfront.  Cut off all ties.  There is someone out there that would NEVER cheat on you and has nothing but the utmost respect for you, himself and you two as a couple.

Post # 83
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

For the love of God, do not make the commitment to a marriage or buying a house with this man if he will keep cheating on you.

It is much easier to get out now than it would be after you two tie the knot!

Post # 84
Member
1806 posts
Buzzing bee

I know you are going to do what you are going to do regardless of these dead-on correct responses to your original post. I know because I was once there a very long time ago. But hopefully there is strength in numbers so I’m going to tell you that this is not a fixable situation. He has taken every characteristic that should be sacred and present in a relationship (especially one leading into a marriage) like trust, respect, honor, integrity, and yes–love–and has trashed it. It is now this toxic, unrecognizable thing. You stay because your self-esteem has been lowered to a point where you don’t even know how low you are. You’re in a bad spot and are hurting already–so I’m going to implore you to hurt yourself more…but this time, hurt yourself for YOU. LEAVE HIM BEHIND. I can promise you he won’t change. No, not even for the next girl. The kind of lying and excuse-making he engages in is a terminal, permanent character flaw that can only be changed with a lot of time and psychotherapy…and even then–it’s iffy. A little insight–the guy who cheated on me repeatedly that I ultimately left has now been married for over 10 years. Do you know he still tries to call me and email me (makes up different emails for each one I block)? He has done this for the entire engagement/marriage. He even turned up on my doorstep just prior to his marriage trying to have sex with me. His poor, poor wife. DON’T BE THAT (Stepford) WIFE! I guarantee you that once you have left and have a solid six months of no contact under your belt, you’ll be wondering what you had ever thought you could achieve by making it work with such a base human being. He thinks he can get away with it. And your life hangs in the balance while he does what he does! RECLAIM IT…while you still can.

Post # 85
Member
6516 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

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jillybeanz:  i would have left him the first time i found out. Cheating is an absolute deal breaker.

you are buying a house with him??? you better rethink that and kick him to the curb

Post # 86
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

If you marry this man I guarantee you will find him banging some chick in a bathroom stall at your wedding reception.

Post # 87
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Have someone read your post to you out loud. 

Post # 88
Member
775 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

The best predictor of future behaviour is past relevant behaviour… Just saying. Its your choice.

Post # 89
Member
8 posts
Newbee

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jillybeanz:  oh hun I am so sorry this happend to you. First off, i believe in trying to work things out. The first time he discussed it with you and you decided to work it out, fine. But he did it again. Cut the cords, find someone who LOVES you. REALLY LOVES you, THAT MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE BUTTERFLIES AND BEST FRIENDS AND A MILLION DOLLARS. It does exsist. My husband and I have been together for 10 years, and it feels like 1 year, we are so in love. Give yourself the chance to find a real love. you deserve it. you dont deserve to question if he loves you. He doesnt, he loves HIMSELF.

Post # 90
Member
7627 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Please stop the house buying process and call off this marriage.

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