- 4 years ago
Regular Bee going anonymous.
I came here to ask you for advice on how to deal with fiancé who does not help out at home.
I come from a very clean household where cleaning was taught through raising and I had to have my room and bathroom spotless each Saturday before leaving my house. He comes from a house where his mom gave up on trying to make her house presentable so he grew up in filth. We moved in together and it’s been 2 years and I’ve had it. He is a slob. He never helps out at cleaning because he says that he is too tired, he walks around the house with his shoes on. We have dogs that he never picks up after and he lets them go to bathroom on carpet and just leaves it there. Sometimes he covers it with a newspaper. He eats something and leave plate, finished or not, on table and hides it under the table instead of putting it away. Even though he has hampers and baskets (5 of them) next to his side of bedroom, all clothes are dirty on floor and smell bad. I am the only one who does laundry because he doesn’t know how and when I ask him to take our clothes from dryer he will let it sit there for weeks and wrinkle in basket instead of folding it away. He smokes cigarettes and pot inside of the house and never cleans ashes after himself. Dust and ashes are everywhere. Bathroom is the worst though. He takes shower, drops towel on floor after one usage and leaves it there to soak. When he pees he misses and his pee is all over the toilet seat and floor and he leaves it there. Sometimes he doesn’t flush cuz he forgets and seat is up so it smells. He never makes the bed and don’t believe in wearing pajamas so he sleeps with his shoes and clothes he wore all day on.
I had many conversations with him about helping me out with chores and he claims he doesn’t see mess and that it doesn’t bother him. Lately he told me that he doesn’t understand why it has to be clean all the time and that I should relax and enjoy our house.
His car is trashed also. Cigarette ashes EVERYWHERE, garbage from weeks ago with rotting food inside, spilled shake, something black and weird on his seats. Its disgusting, I don’t ever want to be in his car. I actually came across one of our dogs dry vomit in his backseat and he said it doesn’t bother him cuz he has air freshener in.
I suggested getting a cleaning service once a month to help us with scrubbing and stuff and he told me that we can’t afford it and that I am entitled and that he will help more. But then he came home and slept entire afternoon cuz he was tired and didn’t help at all. Kitchen in floor is sticky because he spilled something and let it dry on floor. Why don’t I clean you ask? I do, but its not enough. I work 10 hours a day plus commute 2 hours and he only works part time 4 hours a day. I am the only one who does grocery shopping because he doesn’t know how, I do laundry because he doesn’t know how, I clean because he doesn’t know how. You get the point. I come home and cook dinner and he will eat a little and then go get McDonalds or something and then brings it back home and leaves trash on carpet.
I love him and we are getting married next month but its getting to me. I feel more like a slave than a partner. I want him to help out a little at least but I don’t know what else to do.
Thankfully he never told me that its my job to clean or something along these lines because I would kick him to the curb if he did that, but it bothers me when he tells me to chill out and enjoy my afternoon instead. What if we have children? How are they supposed to grow up in a place where tit constantly smells like something is doing and a father that is a slob?
I don’t want to leave him because I really love him and he is great to me and respects me. He is just a slob so its not like it’s a deal breaker but I never have guests around and never invite family around because im embarrassed. How do I talk to him so he changes?