Post # 256
OMG sweetie…. Please reconsider this relationship. I’m speaking here from first hand experience of dealing with someone like this. My ex was not as severe but pretty much on the same line. Would leave clothes on the floor everywhere, would dirty the toilet and not clean it. Would leave faeces on towels after he had showered because apparently he didn’t seem to know how to wipe his butt when he used the toilet!
Would leave empty packets, wrappers, plates in the fridge or cupboard or microwave after he stuffed his face eating because he was too lazy to put in the bin or sink. Would leave food scraps in the sink instead of the bin. Would leave lolly wrappers etc on the floor. His car was a mess all the time and i too hated getting in there because my car in always clean and i would worry i would get my clothes dirty. One time i was dressed up to attend a party and had to go back inside and change my skirt because i went to sit in his car and the seat was wet with something and my CREAM skirt end up with all my tan on it!
Look from my experience this doesn’t get better. The whole “sleeping because he’s tired”thing. I went through that too. Realise if you marry this guy and have kids, he will STILL be sleeping because he’s tired and you won’t only have to work and clean but you will have to look after your children alone as well. This is exactly what happened to me. My situation was worse in that he was also abusive and aggressive, extremely self centered and manipulative as well as liar and a bully. Oh and yeah he did tell me it was my job to clean up (I wasn’t working i was a full time mum to two toddlers)
My advise is think it through very carefully. Is this really what you want for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?
And NO he doesn’t respect you because he is leaving you to clean up after him. Normal people don’t live in such messy states.
To be honest i think it could be an indication of depression. I know i suspected that with my ex.
Post # 257
I’d be out soooo fast. You deserve more than a human pig… though that reference could be insulting to pigs in this context.
Post # 258
Proud of you bee! You’re extremely brave for finally stepping out. It’s a long bumpy road ahead but you have an awesome sister who you can lean on. I’m sorry for this to happen; can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you right now. Stay strong and keep us updated!
Post # 259
I wanted to let you know that i have been in your shoes to an extent. I left my fiance a month out from our wedding 4 years ago. The circumstances were completely different in that i just wasn’t ready for marriage and had a serious case of cold feet but i cancelled it. It fucking sucked calling the vendors and telling them that i needed to cancel. I lost all of the deposits but i did get some money back and all of them were surprisingly empathetic and kind about it. Email them if you can’t bring yourself to call, it might be easier on you, use any of the money that you get back to pamper yourself or go on a mini holiday. You deserve something to make you feel better, you got this. I promise it will get easier x
ETA: I am so glad i didn’t go through with it, we were both not ready for marriage. I actually got a whole bunch of pats on the back for being strong enough to speak up before i took the leap. I even heard a bunch of stories from other women and even friends about how they wish they had had the strength to listen to their hearts about not going ahead with their marriages which both shocked and sadened me. It is SO much easier to get out now than it would be if you get married.
Post # 260
- Wedding: October 2016 - Harn Homestead
I would personally hiring a cleaning service and just let hime deal with it. If hes not up to helping but keeps saying he will just hire someone. But on another note, I thought my Fiance was dirty but at least he doesnt cover poop or ingnore things that bad. He might leave out dishes, but he started getting better when I hired someone because he felt bad that they had to see his filth. It was very obvious it was his and not mine as half our room would be nice and the other half looking like an F5 tornado went through.
Post # 261
confusedandscared: Look obviously he’s mentally not well. From my experience I’m 99.9% certain that my ex has ADHD. I knew he had something but didn’t know what. I’m really interested in Psychology and did alot of research because i always have to make sense of things. I have to knw WHY?
I recently found out that alot of children who are diagnosed with ADHD end up with Anti social behaviour disorder. That’s when it all clickd for me and realised that that’s what he must have.
I’m not saying this is the case for your partner BUT i do think he has some mental illness that needs to be professionally addressed. Your not his mother or his therapist.
I’ve always said “You can love someone but that doesn’t mean you should be with them” This seems to be one of those times.
You need to put your needs first. Think of what role model he will be to your children. Think of the stress it has already caused and will continue to cause if you stay. Don’t take it personal that he seems to “not care”. I think he is mentally ill it’s not about you.
Post # 262
Kaymar: damn! All those previous posts have been deleted. Must’ve used up her 3 deletes on those hahaha.
Post # 263
I’ve been in meetings for the last three days and was sure I was too tired to clean my house before my day off tomorrow. Then I read this post … problem solved.
ETA: just saw your update. I’m glad your sister got you out of there. She sounds awesome. I agree with the PP who suggested counseling. The fact that it took your sister getting you out of there (and threatening to tell others to keep you from going back) says a lot. Also, the PTSD you likely have from living in that environment and hiding it for two years is a lot to handle. Best wishes to you.
Post # 264
What a pig! There’s no way I would live with let alone marry him. He’s a disgrace!
Post # 265
Saw your update. Your sister is awaesome and you are doing the right thing.
Post # 266
confusedandscared: Meh- being sick comes from a virus. He is not spreading that around, unless he is sick too.
though you could be stressed enough to weaken your immune system!! Do not put up with this!! I’m the messy one in my relationship and this would be unacceptable!
Post # 267
I’m so happy to hear your update. Congratulations on taking the first step, now don’t look back! Sounds like you have a great little sister too!
Post # 268
Omg SO very happy for you OP!!!! I’m pregnant, so take it with a grain of salt haha, but I started to tear up when your dear little sister drove to your house and rescued you!!! my sister is younger too, and if ANYONE would have yelled at her that way I would seriously scratch their eyes out. What a strong, awesome woman to swoop in and help you this way, even whisking you off to a lemon scented haven!!! 😭 You are such an inspiration, you’ve already made so many huge steps and I’m so proud of you! Keep taking it one day, one task at a time. Save this thread so you can look back on it when you’re feeling weak and considering giving him a second chance. keep us updated too, we will help you remember that you’re strong enough to do this and you’re doing the right thing! oh and feel free to hug those doggies. you came through this together and you’re not alone when they’re around. They’ve lived there, they’ve seen the mess, they know what you’ve been through.
This image is written by a therapist talking about depression, but I feel like it applies here too. You’re strong, yoive got your stick, now go back some jungle!
Post # 269
confusedandscared: That is really good news! Block his number. Keep sleeping in clean sheets and lemon scented air and you will feel so much better! If time goes on and you aren’t really a dog person, please try to find a rescue, not a shelter and don’t give them back to him. Those are not even conditions an animal should be in. So happy for you!!
Post # 270
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who was imagining the guy somehow managing to land his own shit on the floor. Thought I must be sick in the head.
Seriously though, OP, letting dogs go to the bathroom on the floor is not much better.
ETA: Read your update. Glad for you! A room that smells like lemons instead of dog urine must be wonderful!