Post # 1
Hi bees! I need some advice. My FI and I have decided on a super small wedding with our immediate families and grandmothers. He wants to have his best friend and his best friends FI there, which I was good with because we met through him and are all very close. But! I wanted to invite my (former) best friend and her husband. My FI doesn’t care for them. He is afraid they will criticize our wedding because ours is small and not very grand and theirs was very expensive and we’ve heard her critique other people’s wedding for being “nothing special”. We had a falling out after I stood up in her wedding– I couldn’t go on her bachelorette trip (I spent a ridiculous amount of money on her out of state wedding, shower, engagement party, etc.) so she has been freezing me out ever since (that was over two years ago). She barely spoke to me at her wedding and sat me and my FI away from everyone at the rehearsal dinner. I am afraid that if I don’t invite her, it will be the nail in the coffin of what was once a solid, 17 year friendship. To complicate matters, I stood up in her sister’s wedding and have been friends with her for 13 years. Would I have to invite her and her husband as well? They are local while the former BFF is out of state. What would you do?
Post # 2
I think your friend isn’t acting like much of a friend. After two years of freezing you out, I think that coffin is already nailed shut. If it were me, I would skip the arguement with my FI and invite someone else who really wants to be there. If her sister asks why she wasn’t invited, then explain to her that her sister has been shutting you out. If she is really a good friend she will understand.
Post # 4
If you’re doing a super small wedding with just family prety much (aside from FI’s best friend and FI) why would you have to justify not inviting her. Sounds more like the perfect excuse NOT to have to invite her with no hard feelings. If you are barely friends, why would you even want them at your intimate event? March on as planned, family and FIs friend and his FI. Don’t think twice about it.
Post # 5
Why have her at your wedding when she hasn’t really been your friend for the last two years? If you think she will bring you down, it’s not worth it. I don’t blame your FI for not wanting her there after the way she treated you, but then again he got to pick his friend to invite so you get to chose yours.
Post # 6
Why would you want someone like her at your intimate event anyways? Your FI has a point, she doesn’t sound like a very nice person.
Post # 7
sounds like you didnt have much of a friendship during those two years anyways. dont feel that you have to have tit for tat when it comes to people you want at your wedding. for such a small and intimate wedding / reception you should really only want the people you want there present to celebrate this day with you. not someone whom you’ve barely spoken too, whos (from what you wrote i guessed) barely made any attempt to make ammends and over what? cause you couldnt attend a party? sheesh. its not as if you slept with her FI! as for her sister – i say only invite her if you’re close. if this is the nail in the coffin, i say so be it. she didnt sound like she wanted to be your friend after her wedding anyways. she already put the nail in the coffin.
Post # 8
I can see why Fiance doesn’t want to invite them. I don’t think they should be invited. This is a super intimate wedding and I almost think it would ruin it knowing she is judgey and your recent history of issues with her.
Post # 9
I think the friendship is already over. Plus how will you feel if you go through all the hassle and arguing to get them invited and they don’t come?
Post # 10
You really want someone like that at your wedding? Why? This friendship is over already, and your FI is right.
Post # 11
I’m with your FI on this one. It seems like she ended your friendship a long time ago. It’s just not worth it.
Post # 12
MrsNarwhal: why would you want someone like that at your wedding? Pick your battles. Don’t fight for her. Leave it be and don’t invite her. She doesn’t sound liek much of a friend
Post # 13
I would invite people who are supportive and happy to see me get married. There’s no point in trying to please someone who is going to act miserable whether or not they are invited.
Post # 14
It seems your friendship isn’t as close as it once was. Though it’s nice that you want to rebuild the friendship, it seems she is the one who needs to reach out to you to make things better.
Post # 15
MrsNarwhal: It sounds like you are trying to win her over and doing as much as you can to keep the friendship going, while she is treating you very poorly and making minimal effort to be a good friend to you. I’m all for being the bigger person and forgiving people, but you and your husband should be able to enjoy and celebrate your wedding without negative people close by. Maybe have a heart to heart with your friend over dinner and if her attitude is still bitchy, cut your losses and move on.