My fiancé doesn't want to come to my BMT graduation, I'm not sure what to think!

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
7442 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I still just can’t get past the video game remark. I’m reading way into this, but my guess is that your Fiance is one of those men that feels threatened by having a successful, badass partner. So he’s trying to demean your amazing accomplishment by comparing it to video games. Just pathetic, and so transparent.

Bee, you deserve a partner who is your cheerleader. Someone who can’t wait to come to your graduation and celebrate this awesome achievement with you. Not someone who is so self absorbed, insecure, and petty that he insults your achivement because your success makes him feel inferior.

I would tell him, “Did you seriously just compare my graduation from basic training to a video game? Interesting. Yeah, I can see you’ve got some serious growing up to do. Enjoy your video games and have a nice life!”

Post # 17
Member
1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

 Is there any room to compromise? Can he come to part of it and then go home?

Post # 18
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee

Does he plan to show up for your wedding or call it in?

It might run a little long, after all.

MAJOR CONGRATULATIONS on YOUR VERY WORTHY AND IMPRESSIVE ACHIEVEMENT!

Post # 19
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You’ve got to be kidding me. He’s skipping out on one of the most important moments you’ll have in your entire LIFE and comparing it to a VIDEO GAME RELEASE?

I can’t even with that. 

Post # 20
Member
357 posts
Helper bee

WOW. I hope this is fake but I am assuming it is not. 

Look, I did not even want to go to my own college graduation. Graduations are painfully boring and often physically uncomfortable to sit through. But when someone you love- especially your future WIFE is celebrating an achievement like completing BMT, you go and you support her, even if you are bored out of your skull during the actual ceremony. 

Complaining to you about going makes him uncouth. Calling it a “waste of PTO” makes him an asshole. But comparing YOUR HARD WORK and YOUR SUCCESS to a f*cking video game makes him unfit to be your partner. I’m sorry. You have to make your own decision but this would be utterly unacceptable for me. 

Congrats on your hard work and thank you for your service to our country. Please keep us updated on this. 

Post # 21
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
holly10 :  

This is so sad to read. You say he has been supportive but this is not support at all. This is just cruel. You’re not a priority and comparing your graduation to a video game is disgusting. Like it’s so gross to me.

My husband is a drill Sgt. in the army. Going to family day and graduation brings tears to my eyes, and it totally BREAKS MY HEART when people do not show up for their soldier on family day. The disappointment that you see in their faces is just the worst.

This should be a dealbreaker for you. If this is how he is going to be about something as important as your graduation, what about anything else in your military career that he simply deems an inconvenience? You want to marry someone that selfish? What about start a family. What about cancer, or the death of a family member, or really hard stuff. No way. You need to really assess this. A non supportive spouse will make your life 100x harder.

Post # 22
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

He compared a huge accomplishment of yours to a video game. A VIDEO GAME. I can’t even process that. I agree with a PP that it sounds like maybe he was supportive through all of this since it potentially didn’t inconvenience him until now.

This would be a dealbreaker for me. If I can’t rely on someone for true support during such an important time, it would make me question their ability to be there for me in our future. 

What a dick.

Post # 23
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

What I can’t get past is the fact he doesn’t want to be there to see you after 2 whole months of hardly any contact?? Maybe he doesn’t see BMT as a big deal but I’m shocked he isn’t all on board with being able to be with you for the first time in eight weeks. BMT is so hard & not being able to hardly talk to or see someone you love is pretty awful. I’d reconsider marriage to this guy if he thinks seeing you is not a priority.

My DH was Air Force & I did not go to his BMT-but I was still in high school & we were broken up at the time though still communicating. I still regret that I couldn’t be there because it is such a big deal.

Post # 24
Member
10456 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Fuck him! What an asshole. I’m so mad for you right now!

I can’t believe he compares it to a video game coming out. Seriously?! Ugh, I’m just disgusted and it’s hard to imagine this is just a slip up for an otherwise amazing person. He sounds like a self-centered jackass who is probably threatened by women’s success and achievements.

I know this is just one incident and we don’t know you or your Fiance and I hate it when bees rush to this conclusion – but I don’t know how this isn’t a dealbreaker. You deserve someone who is so proud of you and wants to support you and hell who will take an opportunity to come see you! 

Post # 25
Member
1648 posts
Bumble bee

Just a question, why is it 4 days? Isn’t a graduation one day max? What’s happnening the rest of the days?

Post # 26
Member
11155 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
tiffanybruiser :  

Nailed it.

Too weak to handle female badassery.

Post # 27
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

View original reply
kristin36890 :  The actual “graduation” is one day which is Friday but Thursday they have info meetings for spouses or family and there is an Airman’s run & a coin ceremony. Saturday & Sunday you get a base pass where graduates can spend time with family & friends after they haven’t seen them for 8 weeks.

Post # 28
Member
2461 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My sister drove herself and 3 kids, all under the age of 10, over 400 miles to watch her husband’s graduation (outside ceremony, about 45 degrees).

Your Finace sounds like a selfish, childish douchnozzle. Just sayin… 

Post # 29
Member
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Sounds like he’s hiding something. What’s he been up to while you’ve been off a basic training? I would look into that for sure. Or maybe he’s blown all his PTO and doesn’t want you to know.

Either way, it’d be a dealbreaker for me. To not attend because he CAN’T is one thing; to not attend because he doesn’t WANT to is a no.

Post # 30
Member
10491 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I hope you smacked him upside the head.

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