My fiancé doesn't want to come to my BMT graduation, I'm not sure what to think!

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
508 posts
Busy bee

Ummm… BYE!!! This guy sounds like a freaking jerk. Ditch his ass. I think he is just jealous because he can’t hack it in the military and is upset his hopefully EX fiance can.

Anyway, congrats and thank you for your service to our country. You rock!

Post # 32
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Sure, graduations are generally boring, but when you love someone, you make their accomplishments a priority. Not because it’s a “sacrifice”, but because you should genuinely support them and be proud of them. My parents flew across the country to watch my brother graduate from his BMT.

This makes me so sad for you. That you’ve done such an awesome thing worthy of praise and support and excitement, and you were shut down by someone who is suppposed to love you most.

I agree with hikingbride that a lot of times here, I think people are quick to say “dump him!”, but in this case, I think this is a really, really bad sign and that you should probably consider it. I’m really so sorry. I hope that you have a supportive family that can come watch your amazing accomplishment, and thank you for your service to our country.

Post # 33
Member
1754 posts
Buzzing bee

Are you sure he realizes what basic training entails? Because I honeslty don’t. It doesn’t sound that hard since the word “basic” is in it and having a 4 day graduation seems a bit much for something that sounds easy. Maybe he compared it to a video game because he doesn’t realize how much work goes into it. I would sit down and explain everything to him and how much work you’re going to be putting into it. Also, if you’re gone for 8 weeks, wouldn’t he want to spend time with you the last 2 days of the graduation weekend? Have you ever been apart that long? He probably won’t realize how much he’s going to miss you.

Post # 34
Member
676 posts
Busy bee

This is not making excuses… but do you think it just hit him you are going to be gone for a while in the military? Or have even less time together etc? Maybe this is the big “this is it” to you being gone a while? 

I think its super rude to say its stupid and not worth PTO… I would love a reason to be off besides something like a funeral etc… Especially to celebrate for someone special to me. 

On another note… I don’t find guys that game all the time husband material… TO EACH HIS OWN, THOUGH. And the comparing a video game to this is so so immature. 

Post # 35
Member
12119 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

You can do better. 

Post # 36
Member
1409 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

kristin36890 :  did you read my response to you? It’s not like graduation lasts the whole 4 days. And BMT is anything but “basic”. You go 8 weeks through grueling physical & mental training. Screamed at by officers every day. You don’t get to talk to or see the people you love most. You go through weapons training & chemical warfare training where you put on a mask and go through a “gas chamber”. There’s a whole week where you simulate being deployed in a combat zone. My Darling Husband had to run 5 miles every other morning & that’s just the tip of the iceberg. They play mental games with you too. My Darling Husband was deployed in a war zone & was in the AF for 6 years and still says BMT was the absolute worst.

Post # 38
Member
12119 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

With all due respect, I don’t know how it’s possible for anyone with even the minimum exposure to books, news, newspapers, TV, and movies to be that out of touch with what basic training entails, let alone someone who is engaged to a person about to go through it.

He knows. He just doesn’t care. 

Post # 39
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

Support means him being there for what you deem important to your lfe. Not what he deems should be important. He does not support you. I am so sorry. Honest to god, and I hope this doesn’t sound dramatic, but I would reconsider my engagement to someone like this.

But on another note, congratulations on your graduation!!!

Post # 40
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee

Just my two sense of what MAY be the issue.  When I decided to be a police officer my dad was very supportive and encouraging…..until graduation then a switched flipped.  He couldnt deal with his emotions and fears and became an asshole instead.   My dad never really talked about it nor got over it and one of his last words to be before he passed was what a disappointment I was to him.   Never mind my other two siblings are also in civil service (law and Fd).     Hopefully your Boyfriend or Best Friend will talk to you and you can figure out the real reason he is not being there for you.      Way to go girl though getting thru basic!!!!!!

Post # 41
Member
31 posts
Newbee

Been lurking for awhile, but I had to create an account for this one. 

I personally hate graduations. You sit through three hours of boredom for 15 seconds of “Yay! I know you!” so I get it. But graduations are a big deal to the person graduating. If you love that person, you go and you cheer, and you celebrate with them. Especially if you haven’t seen them for two months! I went to my husband’s tech school graduation (we were merely dating at the time) when he reenlisted in the Air Force, and if they had made him go through BMT again, I would have gone to that too. I couldn’t wait to go because I had missed him so much.

Bee, he should be championing you! And the fact that he’s not, suggests to me that there is something else going on. Either he doesn’t truly support you, despite what he said and for whatever reason, or he’s distancing himself from the pain of your impending separation by deliberately being an ass. That’s something you’ll have to deteremine for yourself. I think you should have a very serious conversation with him regarding how his indifference is making you feel, and base your decisions on the outcome of that. Personally, I couldn’t be with someone who doesn’t value time with me or support my accomplishments.

Best of luck to you. And thank you so much for your service!

Post # 42
Member
10675 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

bee123456789 :  

I was waiting for this.  

‘Not that hard’ my ass.

Post # 43
Member
10675 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

bailey2408 :  

OMG.  What a horrible thing for your father to say to you.  I’m sorry you had to go through that, Bee.

Post # 44
Member
4910 posts
Honey bee

My initial response is what the actual F? He’s being a huge ass. It’s a big huge deal. I would take PTO time for a friend that accomplished this!!!!!!!!!

Wow. I have no advice yet. Because just wow. 

Could he be showing his true colors about a woman who achieves a lot?

Post # 45
Member
254 posts
Helper bee

I could somewhat understand not wanting to use 2-3 days of PTO for a graudation, especially if he has limited vacation time, but he could at the very least come to the actual graduation. Yes, graduations are boring, but we sit through them because we support the people we love and are proud of them. If he had just said he didn’t want to have to go to a three day graduation, I would be upset, but could forgive that. But when he compared graduation basic training to a video game release, that’s where I would have lost it. You actually accomplished something awesome, and he wants to compare it to him getting a game?? No. Normally I would never say dump someone based on a weddingbee post, but this time I think you should. You deserve someone who is proud of your accomplishments. 

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