My fiancé doesn't want to come to my BMT graduation, I'm not sure what to think!

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
1999 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

The bees are unanimous bee.  Your Fiance sounds like a real douche. People are quick to say leave but some things like this are real red flags. The person you marry should be your biggest fan and support you always not just when it’s convenient. I went to a 10 week academy but was able to leave and had only yhe weekend so see my husband during that time. He couldn’t WAIT to go to my academy graduation and told everyone how proud he was that I finished college and got my career right away. That’s how a partner should be. My husband and I are each other’s biggest fans. I literally could not imagine having him undermine my achievement and compare it to a video game release and still want to marry him. 

Post # 47
Member
1999 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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josie7 :  Seriously. I drove 4 hours and got a hotel to watch my best friend from high school graduate from the Marines…A FRIEND FFS! And he isn’t willing to do this for the love of his life and future wife. That’s beside me. 

Post # 48
Member
1999 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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bailey2408 :  which brings up another issue… lack of communication on her Fiance part if this is something he is feeling then she should know before she marries him. Imagine having a spouse who doesn’t even support you when you’re deployed. No thank you. Let me know so I can drop you like a hot potato.  No excuse on treating your partner like this regardless of your feelings. 

Post # 49
Member
9151 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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tiffanybruiser :  Yep, this. He knows she can beat his ass and hide the body.

OP, I’m really sorry he feels this way. After 4 years, it must be so shocking and hurtful. I couldn’t get over this. We’d be over. Being pissy about the PTO is bad enough, but then to demean your accomplishment that literally took blood, sweat, and tears…. That’s unforgiveable. Watching my sister’s graduation from basic was one of my proudest moments, I was absolutely awestruck seeing what she was capable of and had succeeded at. She had just proven that she was WAY better than me at a LOT of things and I can see why an insecure lame-ass loser wouldn’t want to have to see that. Dump him. You have outgrown him and you deserve someone worthy. 

Post # 50
Member
7191 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

His dismissive tone is extremely disrespectful of the work you’ve done and the fact that you’ve been successful at something that is really hard to accomplish. I think you need to think deeply about whether or not his attitude is one that you want to be dealing with moving forward. He doesn’t seem to understand something that is a significant portion of your life AND he also doesn’t care enough to be respectful in how he communicates that to you. That makes this absolutely not at all okay.

I almost didn’t attend my college graduation (only went because my mother made me and my grandparents were there). I didn’t even bother with my grad school graduation. I’d be terribly bored at a 4 day long graduation AND I have enough damn sense not to just completely dismiss whatever someone else did to warrant a 4 day long graduation extravaganza! The bare minimum that he could have done was said “I don’t think I’ll be able to get the entire 4 days off but I’ll be there for the main graduation event. No matter what, though, I’M SO EXCITED FOR YOU and I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!!!” He couldn’t even muster that much consideration.

I think when you graduate from BMT you should graduate from him, too. Cause fuck him.

Post # 52
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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holly10 :  oh bee! I would be extremely sad and hurt if my partner spoke to me like that. It sounds as though he’s jealous of your goals/successes. I’m pregnant and look like a telletubby and my partner is always lovely to me about the way I look. He should be your champion. 

Post # 53
Member
11376 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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holly10 :  no good is going to come with a man like this by your side, mocking your arms. He’s an immature loser who can’t handle you. 

Post # 54
Member
245 posts
Helper bee

This guy has major insecurities and I think honestly that he may feel that he has to put you down to make himself feel better. It is childish on his part and demeaning to you. Seriously re think this relationship. Not only is he devaluing your achievements to your face but he is also putting you down to others. Nope, nope, nope, this man is not life partner material. 

I personally think that he does not want to go to your grad because it will make him feel even more inferior to be among all of those other amazing and dedicated people.

I wish you the absolute best in your career. 

Post # 55
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Wow, what a piece of work. Anybody who diminishes your accomplishments and makes negative comments about your body does not value you. He’s comparing something you’ve dedicated your life to and worked so hard for to something he’s not involved with the creation of whatsoever and is vaguely excited for. He is literally telling you that your hard work and accomplishments do not matter to him. I would be willing to bet that they never will. Don’t waste your time on him.

Post # 56
Member
3821 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I agree with the above. Sounds like he can see you becoming strong and awesome and wants to put you down so he can feel strong himself. Obviously that really shows that he’s weak and insecure.

Post # 57
Member
9151 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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holly10 :  “he still poked at the bit of fat on my arms and was like “Nice batwings.”” — Why are you with this jackass? My husband has never said anything like this. Never. Don’t let someone talk to you like this or touch your body with contempt. You deserve better.

Post # 58
Member
10456 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Dump him! Why are you settling for this guy?!

Post # 59
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

Usually I err on the conservative side when I see posts and I try to understand the other perspective or play devil’s advocate…. but nope this time around. 

Honestly, I don’t think I could date someone that undermined my accomplishments like that. He’s not just being unsupportive, he’s going out of his way to belittle you and trying to keep you down. Kick him to the curb. 

Post # 60
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

He sounds like a HUGE jerk, and I agree with other posters — he definitely seems like he’s threatened by your success and courage and strength and overall badassery. You deserve better than this.

Your posts remind me of my ex-boyfriend. I’m in medical school, and he was unemployed and kind of directionless for the majority of our relationship — he absolutely felt threatened by the fact that I was a few years away from being a doctor and knew what I wanted out of life, and he lashed out at me as a result. He, too, complained about going to my (undergraduate) graduation and in fact advised me to just skip it altogether despite the fact that I was very proud of my chemistry degree, which really ruined what should have been a great day in my life. Then, during the first half of my first year of medical school, he constantly made derogatory comments about me having to work so hard, and frequently said that he thought he was smarter than me and that his undergrad college was SO much better than mine (like, out of the blue). He also screamed at me on a near daily basis, both for career related and unrelated things… I finally left his abusive ass partway through my first year of med school, and I’m so glad that I did because my now-FI is nothing but absolutely 100% my cheerleader and he is not at all threatened by my career. 

My point is, life is too short to be stuck with someone who doesn’t have your back and celebrate your accomplishments and think that you are awesome. Your partner should be so proud of you, and your Fiance sounds like he’s really not that person. I’m so sorry bee. I think you should use this new enlistment as a fresh start. Tell him that it’s no problem he doesn’t want to come to your graduation — ex-partners aren’t invited anyway.

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