My fiancé doesn't want to come to my BMT graduation, I'm not sure what to think!

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 61
Member
11129 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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holly10 :  

Oh Bee.  He’s just your every day, run of the mill, dime a dozen arsehole.  You don’t have to start your new career saddled with this jerk.  Your partner is supposed to be your staunchest ally and biggest cheerleader.

Post # 62
Member
5020 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

I think it is unacceptable that he does not want to attend your graduation. Showing support for a graduation is so minuscule to the support he would need to give you through future events, such as deployment.  He is showing his true colors.  What a blessing in disguise for this to happen BEFORE you are bound to him in marriage.  Seriously think this through OP.

This is a big deal, a great accomplishment and you need a supportive partner who is proud of you today and for everything you will face and accomplish in the future.

ETA: OP, and he is minimizing your fitness accomplishments?!  This guy is an ASSHOLE.  Please, please, please want more for yourself and end this relationship.  For some background I am an ex military wife who saw my ex through training and deployment.  It takes someone with a whole lot of character, devotion and love to stand by a spouse who chooses military for a career.  This guy is clearly not cut out for it.

Post # 63
Member
47 posts
Newbee

I feel so sad for you that he isn’t so completely proud and excited to be there to watch you graduate. Hearing that along with the remarks about you going to the gym, it really sounds like he doesn’t want to see you do well or better yourself, maybe due to insecurities he has himself but he’s trying to knock you down and that is not ok and not likely to get anything but worse.

 

Post # 64
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Oh this makes me sad, from the video game and work out comment. We have a son who has great respect for girls. He learned this respect from his father.  DH is not perfect, but he always treats me with respect. He let’s the world know that I am his and that he loves me. I am not perfect, but he still treats me with respect and vice versa. You need to reevaluate if you want him in your life, as he is not building you up, but bringing you down. Other fish in the sea.

Post # 65
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Duplicate 

Post # 66
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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holly10 :  You are NOT overreacting. I am prior service (Navy) and my ex threw a fit the day I swore in at MEPS because it was an “all day thing”. Honestly that was when I started doubting the relationship. Bootcamp isn’t “hard” but it is very challenging and I was immensely proud when I finished. To compare an 8 week (I’m not sure how long the AF one is) challenge to a video game is selfish and childish. 

This is a BIG deal, bee. If he doesn’t think so that says something about him.

Post # 68
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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holly10 :  Why do you even want him to go? Seriously, why would someone as badass as you continue to serve as an emotional punching bag for some small, insecure little shit of a person? 

Post # 69
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If I were you, I’d take those weeks apart to really think about the relationship and if it’s really serving you. No doubt you’ll gain all sorts of crazy confidence and self esteem while going through basic training. See if you’re the same person after, and what you want out of life. 

Post # 70
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee

He’s an asshole. I say this as someone who has recently started getting into shape because I haven’t been happy with my appearance or my health for a while. I don’t think I’ve lost any weight and I probably haven’t gone down in size at all either, but I feel way healthier and more energetic and I feel really proud of the fact that I’ve been consistently getting to the gym and doing cardio 2 times a week (plus a martial arts class and a dance class once a week each). Even though I don’t think there are any visible signs of my improved health, my fiance has been cheering me on each and every time I go to the gym. He gets more excited than I do about the fact that my working heart rate has dropped each time I check it. And his support is what is making it easier for me to actually get my ass to the gym even when I feel like crap.

But besides the amazing support he’s giving me, he has never made a negative comment about my body. The fact that your fiance has diminished the hard work and the results you’ve achieved *and* has insulted your appearance at the same time is a huge red flag.

This is all not even touching on the fact that he has compared your work toward your career goals as equivalent to picking up a video game.

Post # 71
Member
5020 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

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holly10 :  Okay, so your Fiance has put in for the time off.  But how much did you have to convince, beg or coerce to get him to do so?  This is something he should have done happily and willingly without a second thought.  I’m not impressed.

Post # 72
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

 

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sassy411 :  awww thank you, that’s sweet of you!!!!  It is what it is and compared to other things it just rolled right off my back.  : )

 

Post # 73
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

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DoubleD :  Bee, I agree 100%.  I was not in any way shape or form, justifying his actions or condoning them!!!!   I was just bringing up possible reason as to WHY he was acting like a selfish jerk-face.

Post # 74
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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holly10 :  Honestly I thought it was very insensitive when he said he didn’t want to go, I thought maybe if this is really just an out of character thing I wouldn’t agree with the other bees about dumping him. But I just read your update and this seems like a normal thing for him to belittle you and any achievement or improvement you are working on. He sounds emotionally/verbally abusive and is likely very insecure and belittling you when you make any step forward in your life because he’s trying to hold you back with him.

I was in a similar relationship and I’m so glad we ended up not together because now I’m with someone who’s the complete opposite. The right partner will be proud of you and encourage you to grow in all aspects of life and be motivated with you to do the same. 

If you stay with this guy it will be more of the same and worse the longer you go. Imagine bringing kids into the mix? Heck no. Is this someone you would want your daughter to go out with? That should tell you what you need to know. 

Post # 75
Member
11129 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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holly10 :  

Do You really even want him there?

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