(Closed) My fiance ended our engagement, how do I ever recover from this? THE FULL STORY

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
7524 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Wellllll there certainly was more to that story.  You should not marry that man.  Someday you will thank god he called off your engagement.


Post # 4
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

There’s no reason on Earth why you would want to marry someone who acts like that.  Whether you realize it or not, he is abusive.  Normal people don’t tap others on the head with a broom, put their hands over their mouths, shaking people, etc.  You’re setting yourself up for a bunch of misery if you do get back together with him.  

Post # 5
13290 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m sorry you went through all of this, but it seems like a blessing in disguise.  While you wouldn’t call him abusive, I think that the fear he instilled in you (as demonstrated by your trying to run away or lock yourself in a bathroom) shows that he is. 

Post # 6
522 posts
Busy bee

I not only think you should not marry this man, I think you should consider involving the police for the chunk of hair he pulled out of your head. Though you don’t consider it abusive, it is. 

Post # 7
1468 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I read your first post and now everything makes sense with your further explanation. You say that you don’t consider him abusive but YES IT IS ABUSIVE if he physically touches you hard enough to leave bruises or pulls out a chunk of your hair.  Also like PPs mentioned, it wasn’t the one fight about the laundry that led him to break off the engagement. He’s a MAN CHILD who refuses to grow up, take care of himself, be responsible and get a job. Plus he will always choose his parents over you. Please don’t be embarrassed. I can see why you wouldn’t want to share such personal details of your relationship with family and friends. But he’s the one who should be embarrassed, that a**!!! You will find a better man. Take some time for yourself, maybe go see a therapist if you feel it will help you come to terms with everything. Best of luck.

Post # 8
1886 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@LabAngel:  I am sorry you’re hurting, but he is verbally and physically abusive and there is never an excuse for that. Please think things through – I hope you know by now that even if you change, he will not, and if you get back together, marry, and have kids with this guy, he will abuse your kids too. Is that the kind of life you want for yourself and your future babies? Locked in the bathroom, shaking in terror because you made Daddy angry? Imagine if this were your mom, your sister, or your best friend in this scenario – what would you tell her? I bet you wouldn’t wish that on your worst enemy.

Post # 9
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@LabAngel:  I had to stop reading. I don’t care if you “consider” him abusive or not, HE IS ABUSIVE. FULL STOP.  It is never okay for him to do ANY of the things you have described here! You have been a loving and supportive girlfriend to an abusive, deadbeat dude with a complex and a dysfunctional family system that has supported him.

PLEASE consider getting the police involved. Ripping out a chunk of your hair is so beyond unacceptable.

If you can, take that vacation with someone else. Clear your head. Make a plan to move forward in your life. Please see a counselor. The fact that you don’t see the problem with so much of what you have said and still think it is “your fault” is disturbing to me. You do NOT need to marry this guy. If at all possible, try not to contact him again.

Now that your mother is aware, please tell her the full story. You need people who know the truth and will surround and support you. It’s a blessing in disguise that this happened, because he sounds so horrible and I don’t think you are safe.

Post # 10
421 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Rebar

@LabAngel:  Im sorry to hear this. This honestly changes everything in a relationship…violence should never be allowed no matter under what circumstances. He needs to be willing to work this out in order for you to have a healthy relationship. I would honestly seriously think about it and see if this is something i would want 🙁 my aunt was in a abusive relationship for years after she was married…she saw the warning signs but never paid attentions to it before they got married. He was not only physically abusive but verballey as well. My aunt finally got divorced but it took her many years to finally admit it and get help. He refused to get and till this day he is the same if not worst. My advise is to be very very careful as to the next step you will take. I know it hurts…i have gone through heartache as well…n its not something i wish upon my worst enemy…:( but you will be stronger and see that this may be something that is not worth pursuing. 

Post # 11
1868 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Well now that I’ve read the rest of the story, you should be very happy that this relationship is not happening. It’s a blessing in disguise. This man does not treat you well, does not respect you, has no ambition in life, leans on his parents for everything and he’s an adult.. C’mon… hunny you can do better. I know it’s hard cause you’ve been together a long time, but this is not a healthy relationship AT ALL. Both of you need to learn how to argue productively with respect for each other. This relationship lacks that. Seems there isn’t much communication either. But you can def do better than someone who needs to be pushed to stop leaning on his folks, isn’t motivated to get a job, puts his hands on you (no matter how much you want to down play that)… When I read your first post I felt bad for you and your situation. Now after reading this, you should be happy your not marrying this chump. 


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