- 4 years ago
My fiance proposed to me in March with the most perfect, romantic proposal in Paris. Since then our engagement has been a little rocky, mostly due to the fact that his parents didn’t completely approve of our engagement. However we were very happy for the most part and were planning our wedding for November 29, 2014.
About two weeks ago, my fiance moved into my apartment, which btw is a tiny studio barely big enough for one person. This led to a few disagreements, mostly related to the difficulties of living in such a small space together. Last week we were busy planning our wedding, and went to meet several photographers and were designing our save the date cards. My fiance seemed happy and excited to be planning our wedding. We were also looking at bigger apartments to move into, and found one on Tuesday which we loved.
On Wednesday (just a day after us finding an apartment we loved and meeting with two photographers) we had a disagreement about who would do the laundry. This escalated into a big fight which involved name calling and both of us saying mean things. I tried to leave the apartment to give us both time to cool off, but he blocked the door so that I could not leave. I locked myself in the bathroom and asked him to please leave. He said that he would leave once I gave him my engagement ring. I was angry and frustrated by the fight, and just wanted space from him, so I gave him the ring.
He proceeded to quickly pack up his things and leave. He told me he was going to his parents house. I assumed he just took his stuff because he was mad, and would eventually calm down and come home. The next day (Thursday) I received an email from the resort we had booked for our wedding (we were planning a destination wedding) informing us that we had to pay our deposit by midnight the following day, or else our wedding would automatically be canceled. I forwarded the email to FI, and asked him what he thought we should do. He told me not to pay the deposit. He stayed at his parents house again that night, and I didn’t hear anything else from him that day.
On Friday I didn’t hear from him all day. I secretly expected him to call me before midnight and tell me to pay our deposit so our wedding would not be canceled. However he did not call. After midnight came and went, I was devastated that he did not call. I called him and asked him what he was thinking. He told me he needed time to think about things, and that he didn’t think we were right together because we fought too much. He said he didn’t think he wanted to be with me anymore. I cried and begged him to come over to talk in person. He came over and told me that although he loved me, he didn’t think this relationship would work. But he said he still wanted to think about it. He cuddled with me until I fell asleep, but then he left to go back to his parents house.
I didn’t hear from him at all on Saturday or Sunday. On Monday he called me, and asked me to cancel a vacation that we had booked for this December. I told him it couldn’t be canceled, but the name on the reservation could be changed. He told me to change the name on the reservation and go on the vacation with someone else, because he didn’t think he should go with me. I was very upset after this, as it was another sign that he was really done for good. We didn’t speak for the rest of the day.
Today (Tuesday) he called me to talk about what he had been thinking about for the past few days. He said that he didn’t think we were compatible since we fight too much. I told him that it’s normal for couples to fight when they are going through big changes like moving in together. I told him that its nothing we can’t work out, and I’m willing to change for him. He just kept saying he didn’t think it would work. It came to the point that I begged him to give us another chance, but he refused. When I got off the phone with him, I called his mother. I asked her to speak to him, to try to get him to give the relationship another chance since we had come this far. She agreed to do so, but she told me that she didn’t think he would change his mind. She said that when he went to her home the first night after our fight he cried desperately. She said she has never seen him cry in his adult life, and this shows that he has reached his breaking point. She suggested I give him space and told me she would speak to him when he was willing to talk.
I don’t know if he will change his mind about us. I can’t understand how he could be willing to throw everything away over a silly fight. I don’t know if he is just hurt and if he will get over this, or if this last fight was the final straw for him. I can’t eat or sleep, and I have already missed two days of school. I can’t concentrate on my studies, and I am thinking of dropping out of my PhD. My heart hurts so much, it is a physical pain in my chest. How do I even begin to heal?