was diagnosed with a brain tumor while engaged. had two craniotomies while engaged and then went through chemo and radiation, and lost my hair 6 months before the wedding. We didn’t even discuss moving our wedding. If I could do it again, here’s what I would do. Wait until after the surgery and the pathology comes back. If the pathology shows its not cancerous, just wait and get married as planned. If it is, have a quick JOP ceremony and postpone the reception. If he’s going through chemo and radiation, he’ll be too tired to really participate in planning. In a lot of ways I feel like I missed out on all the wedding planning experiences because I was in such a fog. I don’t believe in vow renewals and do-overs, and I still loved our wedding so I wouldn’t change anything we did, but a lot more wedding planning fell to my fiance than most grooms do.
Of course, Doing this unmarried this worked because my then fiancé and my parents have a great relationship And all three are wonderful people. Also, my first surgery was an emergency situation so there wasn’t time to argue about what to do. And my parents live 4 hours away, so my fiancé had made a lot of decisions by the time they were at the hospital. I was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance after having a seizure, where an MRI revealed the tumor. In fact, I’m surprised they let your fiancé go home from the hospital After the MRI.
we were not married for either of my surgeries and had no trouble with him being allowed to visit. did make everyone leave at 9 pm but not the night before and night of surgery and the other nights I was ready for them to leave anyway. My fiancé slept a hospital chair the night before my first surgery and the night of my second.
as for FMLA, I was in the hospital for a week the first surgery and 3 nights for the second, and out of work for a month both times. My fiancé took almost two weeks off each time, but his boss is a cancer survivor and was very understanding. I didn’t NEED his help once was home from the hospital. Like, I could use the bathroom and feed myself and slept most of the time for that first week home from the hospital. I took one or two oxycodones per day for about a week and that was it, after that it was just getting my strength and energy back. But my mom has a job she could easily quit if something went wrong and I needed care, so everything wouldn’t have been on my fiancé. If you don’t have that kind of support system, this something to consider.
July 13 is my one year anniversary of being done with radiation, and I finished chemo in march. I go for MRIs every few months to make sure no residual tumor is growing, but other than that, I work and have a totally normal life. I’m feeling so much better these days, but it’s been a hard road. The surgery was the easy part me.
I’ll be thinking of your and your fiancé. Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk Or have any questions.