Post # 1
In the beginning of our relationship he told me that his ex girlfriend died of cancer. He bawled to me about going in and out of the hospital for chemo treatments with her. He said it was really hard but he never loved her as much as he loved me. He didn’t really want to talk to me about her because of the hardship.<br /><br />His sister accidentally spilled the beans, saying something about his ex and them dating a month before we started dating. She didn’t know he had told me she DIED. I was freaking out. I called her. When she picked up i just cried into the phone.<br /><br />I found the texts later about them texting and the plans to see each other. He denies ever cheating on me with her, saying he never did anything with his plans to see her. He’s a liar. I am so sad i dont understand why god would allow this to happen. I really thought he was my prince charming – happily ever after. He is not. I feel suicidal and so depressed. He keeps calling me wanting me back but how i can i let him come back? He has to be psycho if he can pull of a lie like that. He was also going to strip clubs. I am so so so depressed and i just dont know what to do.
Post # 2
1. If you are serious about the suicide and depression, get help. 1-800-273-8255 is the suicide prevention hotline number.
2. If you are just really freaking hurt and sad.. That is to be expected. I think you need space to clear your head and think about things. No contact with him. Then decide if you want to know things or not and where you want to go in your relationship. I am sure most bees will say “omg dump that loser!” and if that is what YOU want you should. But give yourself the opportunity to stop and consider everything and ensure you’re putting yourself and your needs first.
Post # 3
Strength321: If you are considering suicide, please call the helpline, and seek professional help. Please find a friend or family member who can be by your side right now.
I am so sorry you’re being put in such an awful and confusing situation.
Post # 4
Strength321: Oh no 🙁 I am so terribly sorry to hear about this. If you are seriously feeling suicidal, please seek out professional help.
It sounds like you’ve been lied to for a very long time, which I know hurts a great deal. Please take the time for some necessary self love and self care. You don’t have to know what to do right now. Take time out for yourself so you can reflect, with clarity, on what has happened.
Be sure to reach out to family members and friends for support and love. As hard as it is, try to keep yourself busy and active. When you’re not at work, try to do dinner with friends and family, or go shopping. I know this is probably consuming your thoughts, but sometimes being around other people can at least ease the pain of the situation.
Keep us posted and know that this is a safe space for you to vent!
Post # 5
Babe be glad you found out about this before your wedding. I would just reach out to your BFF or family and go be with someone to bitch, cry, and scream with. So sorry 🙁 but I’m glad you didn’t marry that creep.
Post # 6
Horrible. I am so sorry. The only positive i can give you is better find out now than afyet you a married, kids eTc. Sending you strength x
Post # 7
I am so, so sorry! But it truly sounds like, in the long term, you will be happier moving on without him in your life. I cannot imagine what kind of person would lie and say their ex had died to elicit your sympathy, even aside from cheating on you (which is all kinds of wrong). I urge you to reach out to friends and family for support, and if you feel like this is deeper than just shock/ hurt/ the sadness of losing your partner, take previous Bees’ advice and get help from professionals who are trained to help you. Sending virtual hugs your way; you deserve so much better than this, and while nobody has the answer to why bad things happen to good people, I do see it as a blessing that you were not already married and legally bound to him when you found this out. Good luck!
Post # 8
I’m so so sorry this has happened to you. You are doing the right thing in keeping away from him and please try not to go back to him. You would never trust him again and the pain will just continue.
As others have said it is good that you found out pre-wedding however it doesnt make it any easier to deal with the pain. Do you have any friends or close family for support?
Please seek help from professionals if you are considering suicide. I know I’m not in your shoes but please dont see it as the answer, you will recover from this and the feelings will subside, just give it chance and give it time.
Post # 9
Strength321: You made the right decision. Anyone who can lie about something so awful is deranged. At least you found out BEFORE you married him and not after. It hurts now but imagine how it would feel with a marriage license and a couple of kids.
No one is worth ruining the rest of your life over. I know you don’t believe me right now but people have been going through this since the beginning of time and the pain does fade. In the meantime, surround yourself with good people and stay busy!
You don’t need a liar that you can’t trust.
Post # 10
Wow,what an awfil POS he is to be saying someone died when they didnt. The lies run big and deep here OP,not only could he make that up (how deranged)but the whole texting thing? Of course he is going to deny cheating…..but look at the lies he has already told,i wouldnt believe a word he said
OP i know this is hard for you,like unbelievably hard but you gotta cut this man loose my love. Realising he is not the man you thought he was is devastating,i know,but in a few months time when the hurt has subsided (and it absolutely will i promise you) you can,and will move on from this.
I saw this saying once and its stuck with me ”A relationship without trust is like a car with no gas,you can sit in it as long as you like but you aint going anywhere”. Please remember this and cut him off,you deserve better
Post # 11
stronger-now1: agree 100%. please take this PPs advice and try to get passed the hurt. Know that you can never fully trust him again. Those are not just little white lies, they are huge red flags. Run and never look back. Maybe “god” wanted you to find out this way before you were commited to this man. Can’t your blessings. A break up is a LOT easier than a divorce. You got out while you could. Good for you. Now take the time to work on yourself and building your esteem back. You will find someone worth your time and effort.
Post # 12
Strength321: He sounds sick. I read this post last night and couldn’t stop thinking about it.
It’s important to remember it’s not you and you did nothing wrong. I know when I found out my ex was cheating I felt terrible, and ashamed… how could I not have known? Don’t punish yourself for being a good, trusting girlfriend.
It’s hard not to talk to your best friend when something like this happens, but you’re doing the right thing by not contacting him. Every day it will hurt a little less. I’m sorry you have to go through this.
Post # 13
Strength321: Im sorry this happened to you. Is there anyone you can call to talk about your feelings if not call the number the other bees have given you.
This is a normal feeling. Your entire world has been crushed.
The fact that he lied to you and said she DIED is disturbing. Who does that? Clearly, the man has issues. How horrifying for you to find this out.
Remain strong. It is good that you aren’t calling him or responding to him. In your heart you know what must be done although the pain is and grief(yes you are in a mourning period right now) is al consuming.
Post # 14
Strength321: Of course it hurts! He’s a bad person and you just found out! I’d say you dodged a bullet, though. What if you had been married for a few years and then found out? Please take care of yourself. Go to friends and family for support…