(Closed) My fiance has chosen a ring which I think is too good for me

posted 7 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@DuskyRose:  I would go with the ring he picks out for you and try to figure out why your self esteem is so low in the mean time.  I am sure you’re worth getting engaged in either case, or he wouldn’t be proposing.  Chin up!

Post # 4
6290 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

@DuskyRose:  I think it’s really sad that you feel like you don’t deserve a nice ring; why do you feel that way?

That aside, I’m not convinced you actually prefer the ring that he likes. Remember you will be wearing this for life, and if big and showy isn’t your thing, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense IMO for you to get a big, showy ring.

I kind of feel like there’s room for compromise here, like a small, less showy ring, but with great specs, so, still expensive (it sounds like your OH wants to ‘splash the cash’, and you can still do this on a smaller, less showy ring). Ultimately, you need to get what you want.

But if the only thing holding you back from the first ring is your insecurity, perhaps this is something you need to work on first.

Post # 5
4531 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010


Ok, first things first.. the ring is his gift to you, so you should get the beautiful ring he feels he wants you to have.

Secondly, I think you should get some help for your self esteem issues. Reading your post made me feel so sad. 

Post # 6
652 posts
Busy bee

@DuskyRose:  go with the ring he gives you. He loves you and your truly deserve it. Eventually the ring will grow on you and become part of you. Just enjoy!

Post # 7
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Oh honey, go with the ring that you truly love and don’t ever feel undeserving of something beautiful.

Post # 8
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@barbie86:  I completely agree with you here. 


@DuskyRose:  If the ring he wants for you is simply not your style, that’s one thing. He wanted you to be part of the process of choosing the ring, which means that your preferences matter. Getting the ring he wants simply because he wants it kind of defeats that purpose. However, choosing not to get it because you don’t think you deserve it is not the way to go. You do deserve it. If the second ring is more your style, you should absolutely go for it, but not because you feel you are worthy only of mismatched stones and sub-par quality. You deserve the best, and you deserve the style that you’re most comfortable with. 


Like you, I’m an “in the background” kind of girl. I am low-key and I like it that way. But I’m not that way because I don’t think I’m good enough to be front and center. I also happen to like simpler jewelry. My now-husband knew this about me when he proposed, but he also knew that I deserved something beautiful and chose a great ring that suits me and reflects that he thinks I deserve the world. It’s not an either / or situation. You can and you should have the best parts of both options. 

Post # 10
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@DuskyRose:  I think the issue here is your self esteem.. You deserve whichever ring you like best, showy or not. Your Fiance obviously thinks so too. I

Post # 11
11140 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Your Fi 

loves you enough to buy you the biggest, most beautiful ring he can get for you.  It sounds as if you’re having trouble accepting it.


It’s entirely up to you. If you had said you don’t like the ring, that would be one thing.  But what I’m hearing is that you don’t feel as if you deserve it, which is so not true. 












Post # 12
6 posts
  • Wedding: September 2013

@sassy411:  totally agree with sassy. I’d you don’t want it because it’s not your style, that’s one thing. If its because you don’t feel like you deserve it, you don’t have to. He does 🙂

Post # 14
1063 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

@DuskyRose:  girl, your comments alone show that you’re a mature, thoughtful, well spoken individual. and that’s what i can tell from a few sentences on an online message board. i’m sure you are an absolutely wonderful person, worthy of being noticed, appreciated, and loved. i know your fiance would agree!!! i think it’s a good idea to go back and try them on again, and try to ask yourself which one you truly like. because you DO deserve whichever you like best, whether that’s more simple or more noticeable. 

Post # 15
2530 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Hey, if you want to work on self esteem a little bit — believe that you really DO deserve the big ring your man wants for you!
I would bet it’s not even as big as you think. I (still) feel like mine is on the big side, but I am also a person who likes things on the subtle side, and some (very rude) people have let it be known they think my ring (which my Fiance designed himself just for me) is small. Jerks!
Now that I’m used to it, it is perfect for me and he did an excellent job with it.

I’ve found an engagement ring is also a reflection of your fiance… people judge him on it’s size and looks, too!

Here’s the thing. A ring, whether big or small, is going to draw attention to you regardless of how you feel about that. If you like the bigger one, then go with that one and rock it out. Use it as an excuse to boost your self-esteem and maybe as a (big to you) reminder every day that you are worth it! A physical reminder of how excellent someone thinks you are.
The small one? Go with it if you truely love how it looks on you, but if you’re getting it to try and hide from attention, it’s not going to work. Trust me, I tried.

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