(Closed) My Fiance has hardly any family left

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am in the same boat.  My Fiance has not close family members.

  1. His mother left his life when he was 2, after trying to drown him
  2. His grandparents passed when he was in his teens
  3. Shortly after his Aunty died
  4. His Dad passed when my Fiance was in his 30s
  5. He has no full siblings
  6. He has two different sets of steps siblings.  One set is not interested in knowing him, and the younger set I have met all of twice in the 9 years I have known him.

I don’t think there is much you can do personally about the situation.  I think the best thing you can do is let your Fiance know that you are his family now.

We talk about that all the time, how he now has a family (we have 2 kids together).  And thats something he hasn’t really experienced before.  His parents were teen parents, and not at all ready for the responsibility.  He was raised by his grandparents until they were to sick to look after him.  Then he went to his Aunty (who died young) and then to his father, who didnt want to be a father (and also died relatively young).

I have tried several times to extend the olive branch to his step siblings to try and form some sort of relationship with them.  It does break my heart when the kids ask why they only have one set of grand parents and one Aunty.  But I have come to realise that I can’t force it, and if they aren’t interested then its just not going to work.

Post # 5
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Been mulling this over a bit.  I have seen several things done to pay tribute to passed family members. 

Some things like

  • A mention in the Service Program
  • Photos on the altar
  • Empty chair with a rose laid on it
  • A candle lit in their memory
  • A poem mentioning them
  • A table at the reception with their photos
  • A photo concealed in a pocket that only you know about
  • A meaningful toast at the reception where they are mentioned

But in the end, it needs to be his decision.  If this is something he doesn’t want to approach on his wedding day, then I wouldn’t push him into it because guests are expecting it.  I think you need to have the conversation with him, just to find out where his comfort level is.

I had the same conversation with my other half, he still hasnt come back to me with an answer.  I am hoping that he will before the day.

Post # 6
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Anardana:  I know how you feel.  I have one Grandmother left, and grew up knowing all my grandparents.  Well I didn’t know my Mother’s Dad.  But I knew her Step Dad, who was more of a Dad then her biological father.  And I grew up not really knowing the difference.

Any children you have will grow up with so much love from your own family.  While it is sad they won’t know his side, they won’t miss out on any love and affection.

When our first child was born we gave her his fathers name as a middle name.  His name was Peiter and we changed it to Peita. That was my suggestion, I said that way even though his father won’t be part of her as she grows up, this way he can still be in her identity.  I let him think it over for awhile, at first he said no.  But by the time she was born he had warmed to it, and was glad that I had suggested it.

Post # 7
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My Fiance family is the same. He and his mother do not see eye-to-eye, his ssiter is a nice person but causes too much drama. His father is not in the picture at all. So that leaves his set of proud gradparents all 3 in their 90’s.

We are newly engaged and with the ages of his grandparents (who are the most amazing people i’ve ever met) i almost wanted to push up our long enegagement so we can include them. Or so they could least be aware of it.

Its a tough decision but i think it up to your Fiance if any type of tribute is done in their honor.

Post # 8
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Mines about the same. Only it’s me. I have my dad. and my sister. That’s it. All 4 grandparents are gone. my mom passed away. I don’t speak with aunts/uncles on either side. 

I didn’t know any of the grandparents really except my moms dad. who I hated TBH.

We’re doing sunflowers in my boquet. They’ll go in a nice vase during the reception, not get tossed. And they’ll have a nice little saying on them, with something like, these flowers were picked for rememberance of both Mrs and Mr Giraffes mothers.

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