My Fiance Has His Flaws

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2328 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Ok…

Post # 4
Member
2585 posts
Sugar bee

It sounds like you’re having serious misgivings about whether you two are compatible. Would you say that’s correct?

Post # 5
Member
11204 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

bluebutterfly647 :  

What kinds of unfiltered things does he say?  Examples, please.

Former gfs do not train grown men how to behave themselves.  Let’s start filling in some blanks so we can help you.

 

Post # 6
Member
8998 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

bluebutterfly647 :  

I’m sorry but  really don’t   see your problem or think that you are in any sort of ‘situation’ . For a start , I think you may be falling into the trap of thinking you can materially change someone    becuse you want to be a bit more comfortable .

I think you better accept that you (presumably) fell in love  with him as he is -and he sounds fine to me , unless his ‘unfiltered’ comments are grossly sexist or racist or the like  – and expecting to  change him  and his family to be  more like  you and yours is not only unacceptable but doomed to failure .

Post # 7
Member
3854 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’m not really sure what you’re asking, but it’s ok to have a different relationship with your own family to your in-laws. It’s only natural. As long as you are both are polite and kind to both families and are willing to spend some time with each one that’s all you really need. As for him being blunt, does he say actual rude and mean things or is it just that your family tends to dance around things and he’s more direct? 

Post # 11
Member
8998 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

bluebutterfly647 :  

 I confess I wouldn’t   have liked the puppy  comment either  . Not only do I hate crates , but my house , my dog etc etc 

I still don’t think you have a ‘situation ‘ though , it’s just something  to be normally worked out.

FWIW my h and his family and my family are just as unalike  in the same way as yours  , though I am  outspoken on things I care about . It will all be fine, esp if you don’t keep  – unconsciously maybe  – suggesting his family is wrong not to be like yours.   Just stick to actual incidences of his you don’t like and  be upfront, but not self-righteous  about it . That’s hard I know ! 

Post # 13
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think you’re being way judgemental. In my family, we tend to be more direct. I wouldn’t  have had a problem with his comment. It sounds as if your family doesn’t like him & you don’t like his family. I’d be looking at myself rather than him. 

Post # 14
Member
6940 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I know he’s not going to change overnight and it’s up to a man to change.

And if he doesn’t change? Because he may not. You don’t commit to someone expecting them to change–you commit to someone as they are. 

Post # 15
Member
8998 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

bluebutterfly647 :  

In answer to your question yes,   exactly that . Everyone on both sides  gave us 6 weeks, 6 months tops but we’ve been married years and years . Not without incident , but  there you go . 

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