(Closed) My fiance hates my dress?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Do I get a new dress?

    Yes, you probably should.

    Of course not, silly!

  • Post # 32
    225 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    First and foremost I am so sorry this happened to you. I just got my dress and although I absolutely love it, I’m still worried my Fiance and his family won’t love it too! I totally understand how this situation can be devastating.

    I didn’t vote because I’m torn between answers! I agree with so many of the posters above that there might be bad feelings attached if you keep it as-is. you may always have it in the back of your mind and wonder, and no bride should have to feel that way. is it possible to alter it in some way or make it look a little different? to change some aspect that bothered FI? 

    whether you get a new one, change this one, or proudly wear the original, i 100% believe he is going to think you look absolutely gorgeous. my Fiance told me today (when i was worrying about if he would like what i picked) that beautiful girls look beautiful in everything. he obviously thinks you are beautiful because he asked you to be his wife!

    sending positive thoughts your way.

    Post # 33
    558 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I think there are a lot of good points posted already, but I just wanted to tell you that I think your dress is beautiful, and i’m sure you chose it because you look AMAZING in it. Do you think that you and the other bride have similar body types?  If not, it will look completely different!

    Best wishes to you.

    Post # 34
    244 posts
    Helper bee

    personally, i trust myself that i would pick out a wonderful dress that would look AMAZING on me… and i bet you are the same way.  that dress is gorgeous and i bet you bought it because you look and felt great in it.  he WILL love you in it.  i wouldn’t change my wedding dress for my (future) groom because even though i love him to death… i trust my taste more than his… you know what i’m saying?  i mean… i bet you’ve been with your fiance for a long time… think about it, has he ever said “you’re dress looks horrible.”  if he hasn’t… then you can trust yourself that you can pick out an outfit he will like on you.

    hm, i hope i make sense!

    Post # 35
    139 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    Awe. *hugs* I’m so sorry that this is happening to you. If you love your dress and feel beautiful in it, then I would keep the dress. Your Fiance will love the way you look because he loves you. Besides, every dress looks different on a different girl. 

    Post # 36
    2344 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I was really worried my Fiance wouldn’t like my dress because he would call very similar styles in magazines ugly. I definitely got upset about it a few times, but I trusted these two pieces of advice: 1) Your Fiance will think you look amazing no matter what! You are his bride and you will be radiant. 2) Most women dream of their wedding gown – you deserve to have what you love. The dress is about you feeling beautiful! If you feel beautiful, everyone else will be able to tell and think you look gorgeous, I promise.

    Post # 37
    151 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    So sorry for the situation you ended up in. It’s what you feel good in, and me personally, if I knew my guy hated that particular dress, I wouldn’t feel my best. And, if he recognizes it as the same dress, he’ll feel horrible for what transpired pre-wedding.  If it were me, I’d probably get a new dress and sell the 1st one. But dang! you ended up in that situation – I’m sure he would have loved the dress had he seen it on you 1st!

    Post # 38
    120 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    There was a Say Yes to The Dress with the samre theme! This dress is gorgeous, BUT it will be you in it. Your body. Your sense of style. YOu!!!!!!

    Post # 40
    235 posts
    Helper bee

    Well, now that I’ve seen the cousin’s dress and your dress, I don’t think they look all that similar.  Yes, they have some of the same elements like beading and lace, but they still are different.  I actually like your cousin’s dress and don’t think your Fiance was being very nice when he said her dress was ugly and the lace was cheap looking!  Maybe he’s just not a fan of lace period.  Your dress does have beautiful lace in the model’s picture, although I’ve yet to see a professional stock photo that didn’t make the material of every dress look nice (sometimes better than it actually is).  I’m still curious as to what the dress looked like that your Fiance sent you.  Was it a different shape, no lace, not strapless…?  I think you should go try your dress on again as you’ve planned, and if you still love it, wear it proudly and just chalk up your FI’s comments to just being a guy.  They all say dumb stuff sometimes.

    Post # 42
    2536 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I’ve heard of this before, the guy hates the dress and then, magically on THE day, he loves it because he loves the woman so much. As far as seeing the dress, he hasn’t seen you in it, so you’re fine. Love your dress and be happy. It’s gorgeous.

    Post # 43
    41 posts
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Hello mgray,

    I can truly, truly empathize. After a long, arduous time trying to find “the right dress,” my fiance accidently ruined it for me.  We were watching television, and girl wearing dress similar to mine came on.  He said he didn’t like her dress.  Over the next 2 months, I spent a fortune trying to fix this problem.  I tried to find a different dress that could arrive in time my for my wedding (which I couldn’t find).  I also tried to get my own dress altered so it wasn’t like the dress on television (which definitely didn’t work).  I even purchased a simple white prom dress  as a “back up” (which I like, but don’t love).  Finally, I just broke down and told him that my dress was similar to one that he said he didn’t like.  His response?  “Honey, I know I will love your dress because you will be in it! You’re beautiful in everything!”  

    I really, really regret that I spent so much time stressing over this little issue. (I especially regret the money I spent). 

    It sounds to me like you are beautiful in the dress you chose, and that the cousin’s dress/body type is different from your own (and I think your dress is stunning!).  All in all, I am sure your fiance will love your dress–because you will be in it! 

    Post # 44
    204 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I know I would be devasted. I’m sorry. This is a really tough decision. The thing that I know would be bothering me is that Fiance saw the dress before he was meant to — at the Church !

    I wish Future Mother-In-Law would have stepped in for you. Something like calling your Fiance and saying “No more words to (your name) about that dress you supposedly don’t like!” – without ever telling you she spoke to him.

    But it’s too late for that now. Like a PP, I would probably get a new dress just so it remains a surprise for Fiance. If you can afford it, there has to be another dress out there that you love as much?

    Post # 45
    377 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    A slightly different take here, and since I’m in the minority maybe I’m totally wrong, but I think your Fiance was out of line. He knows that he hasn’t seen your dress and it could be any style, and yet he’s randomly trashing dresses that he sees? Even that could be guy cluelessness, but the fact that he sent you a picture of a wedding dress he likes? What was that about? Obviously at that point, if that’s not the dress you bought, there’s nothing you could do to change it.

    I think you should keep your dress. Men’s fashion sense is questionable at best. My Fiance thought that I should get a short, tight, sexy dress for our wedding. Yeah, noooo. Your Fiance sounds like he has the stereotypical Cinderella ball gown idea of what a wedding dress ‘should’ look like.

    if you think you will feel fabulous in front of all of your guests in this dress, then I say keep it. 



    Post # 46
    605 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Yeah, I’m with the ‘get a new dress’ vote on this one. You’ve got nearly a year — plenty of time to sell yours for a decent price and order a new one. I just don’t think you’ll ever feel comfortable and confident in your current dress after FI’s comments. Besides, some mutual guests will remember that your cousin wore the same gown a year before (I wouldn’t be happy if my cousin, getting married next June, wore my exact dress).

    Can you get a little more info from your Fiance (in a calm moment, when you’re not upset) about what he does and doesn’t like in a dress? I switched dresses because my first was an ivory bridesmaid’s gown with detachable ruffle skirt. I told Fiance it was informal — in fact it was actually a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress — and he said, “A bridesmaid’s dress? But those are ugly!” That was all it took for me to cancel the order and look for a ‘real’ wedding gown. It’s been worth it not to worry these last few months that my groom will think I’m hideous on our wedding day.

    Good luck! Keep us posted.

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