I am so happy to hear that you are going to face the issue head on tonight. It is very difficult but it has got to be done.
One of the main indicators of an alcoholic is that once he starts, he can’t stop drinking. For me, once I take one drink, I have absolutely no idea how much I will consume, when I will stop consuming or what may happen to me or others around me while I am consuming alcohol. Once the first drink is taken I have no ability to stop on my own…it has to be some external source that stops it (I run out of booze, pass out, end up in hospital, etc.). There have been stretches when I was at my worst where I drank for 10 days straight, never eating or showering, and only passing our for brief intervals before waking up again to drink more. Very, very scary stuff. Inevitably what would follow would be 10 days in hospital on an IV to safely detox and dry out.
It really is an allergy of the body and an obsession of the the mind. But so long as I never take that first drink…I am ok. It took me many many years to figure it out for myself. I spent countless hours and days trying to figure my way out of the shitty deal of being an alcoholic…let me tell you, it has been the only thing in my life that has ever brought me to the jumping off point. But there really is no way out of being an alcoholic once you are one…once you’re a pickle you can never go back to being a cucumber. You must face it, accept it and ask for help.
If he is really an alcholic it will not be possible for him to quit on his own…he has to reach out for help, and I don’t mean just reaching out to you. He has to reach out to other alcoholics who have suffered and have made it back from the edge.
Now that I have some sobriety behind me I can see very clearly the incredible pain, worry, grief and torment I put my family through. I am amazed they managed to stand by me through it all because there were many many many times when they should have all walked away.
Please, please check out some Al-Anon meetings. Don’t be scared. You will learn so much and they will help you figure out how to cope with this. Try to look for similarities in the stories you hear (there will be many), and don’t look for the differences. A PP said that she could stand behind an alcoholic in recovery, but not an alcoholic in active addiction and I could not agree more. Please do not marry this man until these issues are addressed and he has taken real and concrete steps towards helping himself.
There was a time when the idea of a life without alcohol was just too much for my mind to comprehend. I don’t think I have ever felt more alone and frightened than when it finally and truly dawned on me that I could not do go drinking anymore because it was destroying my life and would kill me, but I couldn’t imagine my life without it either. Trust me…the life I am living now, free of alcohol, is far far far better than I could have ever imagined. I am now happy, joyous and free…and I would not trade it for the world.