(Closed) My Fiance is an Alcoholic

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 107
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@wretchedforest:  That’s great that he’s willing to work on it! It probably will be best for you to quit drinking as he is going through treatment. Best of luck to you, and don’t be afraid to postpone the wedding if things don’t get better. However, I think it’s great that you’re working on this together. Marriage is about helping each other be the best versions of yourselves & working through something this difficult will hopefully strengthen your relationship.

Post # 107
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

How is your marraige now? Did you go through with it?

Post # 108
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

Hi there. Seeking some guidence and hope. I am 24 and  I have been with my fiance who is 26 for 5 years now and we are supposed to be married this june. He has been struggleing with a drinking problem wich i think is full blown alcoholism. When we met we were both in a stage in our lives where we were drinking with friends at parties and such but these last 2 years i have noticed his drinking increasing by himself so much so that he has hidden it from me. I have caught him drinking out of hidden bottles around the house and just recently i found a gatorade bottle full of Jim Beam he had hid in the grill. Something switched in my head and i decided it was terifying to imgaine marying this man and creating a life with him. I want children and imaging leaving children alone with him if he can’t control his drinking makes me sick to my stomach. He is not abusive when drinking but just turns into someone that I do not enjoy being around. He becomes very complacent and often falls asleep on the couch, just checks out. Lately more than ever I felt like i am working harder on our relationship and fixing him more than he is.  I found the bottle on a Friday and I was complety moved out of the house by the next monday with my dog. Fortunetly I have family and freinds so close and I am staying with my parents. But it is incredeiblt hard to stay away from him and not call him, I am still so inlove with him and miss our good times. But I left becasue i am scared this will all get worse and i know I do not want to get children involved in this mess. I am just so worried about him haveing a serious downspiral tht will eventually lead to his death. 

Post # 109
Member
5941 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

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dmaphies:  You probably want to start a new thread, but I think you are very wise to question marrying this person. Have you two talking about him gettnig help? Alcoholics are impossible to live with. A person close in my life was married to one. He got help and was good for a year or two. But then it happened again. Same thing as you. Bottles hidden everywhere, empty bottles under the couch, he was drinking on his lunch hour in his car at work. He was actually picked up for a DWI and had the breathlyzer in his car for a year. It’s no way to live. I wish you much luck.

Post # 110
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

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RedHeadKel:  I have expressed my concern for his drinking many times. Last year it was getting bad so I told him if he did not seek help I was leaving, so he was going to a coulseer to see if things could be worked out. The drinkig slowed down a little bit as far as i could see or he got better at hiding it from me. 

Post # 111
Member
5941 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

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dmaphies:  One thing I know, is you DO have to stick to your guns. If you say you are leaving if he doesn’t get help, then you need to leave. He needs to see that there are consequences. I do hope he’ll see someone regarding his alcoholism. And in the meantime, there is help for you. I can’t remember what it’s called, but it’s for people dealing with alcoholics in their lives. You might see more clearly when you talk to them.

Post # 112
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

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  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  Ambi D.
Post # 113
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

What are opinions on reaching out to his friends after I have left just so that everyone is aware of his problem? I would hate for something to happen and I didnt say anything. Even if they dont beleive me now i would rather say something so it is in the back of their heads. 

Post # 114
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

Divorce will be more expensive (especially with kids).

Post # 115
Member
11381 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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RedHeadKel:  

Al anon.

Post # 116
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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wretchedforest:  Hi, I’m going through something very similar apart from my fiancé has finally admitted his problem, has now gone to a few AA meetings. He’s feeling very proud of himself while I’m an emotional wreck. He has been so honest, telling me all the times he has lied, many I knew but others I was blind too. His level of deceit and lies has shocked me. I feel so hurt. We are due to get married in 2.5 months – what lies ahead for me, for us? I called Al Anon last night. It’s been useful. What decisions did you make? How has it all turned out? 

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