- 8 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
So here I am, it’s my 33 birthday in a couple of days, and 5 months away from our now cancelled wedding. How the heck do you go through this??
We have been together for 5 years. He proposed a year and a half ago. He said he knew from the first night we met I was “the one” and I felt the same. We got through a long distance relationship for the first 2 years, and have lived together for the last 3 years. We have moved twice for his job. When I met him, my career was going the way I wanted it, but I gave up my career for his and took a couple of jobs, one that I absolutely hated, but it was worth it to me. All the time he always said we would be together forever, and see each other grow old. We had baby names picked out. He was 100% committed. Then he told me last week that something “changed” and that he loves me but isn’t “in love” with me anymore and he deserves to have that feeling. That we are completely over. I cried hysterically for 2 days. I still love him, I believe he is my soulmate, as he once believed. None of our families can believe it, and even his own mother and sister are stunned and think he isn’t thinking clearly.
Some more of a background story: He was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and is currently on stress leave from work. He has been seeing a psychologist for this, and it has been hard on our relationship because he withdraws from me, and I was suffering from Depression (which I am now on meds for the last couple of weeks), which was exacerbated from his behaviour. What I don’t understand is that I tried to be there for him. A few days before he made his announcement, he was crying on my shoulder related to the PTSD and work stress, and I told him that if he wanted to quit, I would find a second job and we would make it work, that I wouldn’t leave him. We had a couple of fights in the past month related to his drinking (symptom of PTSD) but he was working on it, and I thought we were getting through this. He IS dealing with the PTSD and is making progress, but part of me feels that he just shut me out emotionally. He talked to the psychologist about our breakup and she supported it (if that’s what he needs to do then do it).
So now here I am, living in the Arctic, half a Country away from my famly and friends. I have decided to stay here to finish my contract and save money to buy a house closer to famliy, and then find a new job. I have booked a trip to see my family in a couple of weeks (was supposed to be a wedding trip to do taste-testing, etc.) and then when I come back, I am still living with him until I can find other arrangements. We have still been sleeping in the same bed (not intimately), and talking to each other like we always were. Currently he is also away for a couple of weeks to see another psychologist and to visit his family. But he will be transferred soon so he will live closer to a psychologist and I will be still living up here.
How do you survive not being able to love your soulmate? Everyone keeps telling me that he isn’t thinking straight, and we just need some space and he will realize that we are meant to be together. We were “that couple” that everyone wanted to be, it was so obvious we were in love without being annoying. We’ve had comments from people saying, “Is is possible to love a couple? That’s how I feel about you guys!” . And people telling me how much he loves me and how he talks about me when I’m not there…I guess how he used to talk about me just a few weeks ago…Even his own mother is telling me that she feels we will still end up together, and to wait for him. Although she also said not to wait forever, but give him some time. I am so confused and hurt. I feel my love for him deep down in my soul, but he says he just feels nothing.
I hate this.