(Closed) My fiancé is cancelling our wedding and ending the relationship

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@RedSergeSpouse:  I would hate to be in that position. I’m sending lots of hugs your way.

Post # 4
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My heart breaks for you.  I’m so sorry you’re going through this.  I’meven more sorry that I don’t know what to say…. Virtual hugs to you. 

Post # 5
Member
307 posts
Helper bee

i’m so so sorry 🙁 i can’t imagine the pain you are going through right now.  you sound like a strong and wonderful person who truly believes in your love.

i think sometimes going through a lot of psych treatment changes your perspective on things. he sounds like he is in the midst of treatment and this can be a very tumultuous time where everything can be very confusing. it sounds like your partner was going through a lot in the last couple of days and when someone feels very overwhelmed they can sometimes shut down – flooded with emotion, they feel nothing.

i can’t say whether or not you should wait. follow your heart but remember that you come first. take care of yourself as best you can. i hope that when he returns he will be a bit more level and you can revisit this again. big hugs!

Post # 6
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My goodness, my heart is so sad for you. I don’t really have advice for you because only you know what you are and are not willing to do, and truthfully I’m sure it would be very hard to get over what he did. 

Hang in there, time will make your decision more clear, but don’t wait forever. 

Post # 7
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

That’s awful, I’m so sorry.

Do you think he would be open to the idea of going to his therapist for a couple’s session? Not to change his mind, but to help you understand how this could happen so suddenly and with such little apparent concern for your wellbeing?

Post # 8
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I wonder if this is the result of PTSD.  He might be stress about the wedding and buying a house and moving and his jobs and on and on.  Mabe you should give him some time to see if thing will get better.  Is he in a serious PSTD?  I’m asking this because you mentioned that he will move closer to his psychologist.  Maybe it’s even better for you to wait and see.  It’s obvious that you love him so much and he loves you.  This might just not be the right time.  Things might get better in couple months, stay strong.

Post # 9
Member
3000 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Hugs for you. So sorry sweetie 🙁

Post # 11
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

the PTSD may have changed him, maybe he wants to be the person he was before the PTSD and he know he was in love before and now with the PTSD he has changed and thinks that if he can find “that feeling” it will all go back to normal and he will no longer be bothered by PTSD?

This is really hard

@mightywombat:  I agree, maybe you could both go, tell him you want to understand and that it will help you to move on…..

Good Luck, we are here for you, this is so tough.  I think the timing of the wedding is off, everything is stressfull when you have PTSD

Post # 12
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@RedSergeSpouse:  I think you have it all laid out… I think he just doesnt have room for extra feelings right now, he has to deal with his own emotions and PSTD is tough….. Your head seems to be in the right place, just continue to give him support and distance and call your family and friends, or chat with us for the support you need!

Post # 13
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

🙁 I am so sorry to hear this.  Please take care of yourself.

Post # 14
Member
7694 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’m sorry you are going through this.   Hopefully things will work out for the two of you.  In the meantime, take good care of yourself. 

Post # 16
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I’m so sorry, OP. But I think you know that he is probably trying to do what (he feels) is best for himself right now, and I think you should do the same for yourself.

I think that if you can avoid sleeping in the same bed or even living in separate rooms would do you both some good. That’s fine that he is working through his PTSD, but there are consequences for actions, and those consequences can’t be put on hold just because he’s working through an illness. He broke up with you, called of the wedding, yet still has you for support. There is something wrong with this equation.

 

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