(Closed) My fiancé is driving me nuts!

posted 5 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Ashleyox29: be annoyed. Your fiance is acting entitled and he should be greatful that they are paying for any part of the wedding. 

Fiance and I are paying for 100% of our wedding, including rehearsal dinner + post wedding meal. We’re also covering hotel costs for 2 nights for both of our extended families + a few out of town vendors. 

Post # 3
Member
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

That used to be tradition. With people married later (or multiple times ), the recession and other factors it has changed. Now the expectation is that the couple provides for themselves. If parents contribute then it is a gift and not expectation. 

Post # 4
Member
85 posts
Worker bee

I think youre Fiance should be more grateful too, is this a long history of this behavior or just in this instance.

Post # 5
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Maybe remind him there are a lot of traditions we no longer adhere to. I kind of like voting and having a job!

Post # 7
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I would have difficulty keeping my cool if my fiance said something like this. My FIs parents have very graciously offered to pay for our reception as my family is not in the position to do so and I basically broke down crying I was so grateful for thier help. Everything his parents pay for (they are psyched for the wedding and his mom has picked up several extras for the wedding) I am sure to thank them (though they wouldn’t be upset if I didn’t).

Those traditions are not laws, they are not unbreakable rules. When people pay for things for you, especially to the tune of 20K for your wedding, you should be grateful. Maybe sit him down and have a discussion about traditions not being set in stone and think about how you guys can budget those things you do have to pay for. And perhaps let him know that it hurts your feelings (and is disrespectful) to hear him talk about what your family “should” be doing when they are alredy doing so much.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by  jamberee.
Post # 8
Member
3169 posts
Sugar bee

Ashleyox29:  hold on. so, who’s paying for those other things? You and your Fiance together, or just your FI? If it’s just your Fiance and he doesn’t get paid much at work maybe he’s scared he can’t afford it and his freaking out is coming out in the wrong way. 

If it’s the both of you then yes I think his reaction is a little off. And regardless he should be very, very grateful for your parents ability to pay. As you well know, a lot of parents don’t or can’t contribute anything these days 

Post # 9
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Ashleyox29:  You have every right to be peeved! These days, it’s not anyone’s responsibility to foot your wedding bill. But in your case, your family has been generous enough to contribute to a good portion so your Fiance needs to be more appreciative. Period. It’s pretty inappropriate for him to think that they need to be coughing up more. 

I would just emphasize that he’s out of line. The “rules” that he’s referring to are dated and a lot of couples pay for their ENTIRE wedding by themselves in this day and age. 

Post # 10
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Yep, those rules don’t hold any more.  We’re really lucky in that my parents are giving us a set amount towards the wedding (the same as what they gave my brother and my sister for their weddings) but we never counted on that and we’re both really grateful for it.  Your parents are not obliged to pay for anything so you’re right to be annoyed with him!

Post # 11
Member
212 posts
Helper bee

Ashleyox29:  

Wow. All I could think was, “Talk about a sense of entitlement!”

 

Did he think he could just propose without having any responsibility for the actual wedding?! If I were your parents I would be pretty offended.

 

Additionally, someone mentioned that he may be concerned that he cannot afford the rest of the items if he does not earn a lot of money. My thought is that when someone does not earn a lot of money but can’t possibly wait to get married, they should intend to have a wedding budget within their means. If a small budget absolutely will not do and having a fancy wedding is more important than getting married, then they should hold off on getting married until they can afford it. Of course, if family chooses to GIFT additional money it can be graciously accepted with the understanding that it was not required. 

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