(Closed) My fiancé is more turned on by fantasies than me.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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futuremrsyoung722 :  Oh gosh. Girl, my opinion may differ from alot of peoples on here…but here goes, take it or leave it. (and its so hard to understand HOW someone says something via typing..but I say this in a kind way). I personally, do not believe that my fiance should look at porn, and I believe we should be on the same page sexually.. always talk about our wants and needs. In my opinion, if my fiance looked at porn, that would be equvilent to cheating on me. Which, after reading the definition of cuckholding, that is pretty much it, cheating; adultry. Some may be totally fine with it; that is their thing..like i said this is my opinion… (i dont wanna get ripped apart here by everyone! lol) But, you say yall have cut that out completely…my advice is to be SURE and talk with your fiance about this…be sure he is fine with that to NEVER happen (if you arent okay with it)…and if he thinks cuckholding is acceptable, be sure he doesnt believe cheating on you, or anything of that nature is aceptable… (again my own opinion). I just think if he is thinking cuckholding is a turn on, or okay, then he may be lead into other things. Overall, I think yall need a long discussion about all of this..expectations, realities, what is okay, what is not…do NOT get married if you arent on the same page. I hope you can work it out though if you both truly love eachother! <3

 

***also,….are you guys friends with the third party who was part in that? if so….just be careful…you wouldnt want that person to think he can easily take advantage of you if no one was around.

Post # 32
Member
4885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

From what you’ve said, I don’t think the problem is insurmountable. I think it’s a good sign that he trusts you with his fantasies and that you are willing to try some new things for him. It sounds like you both really want to please the other person, which is a good thing. 

I think you’re overthinking it by suggesting certain things happen twice a month or whatever. Just honestly communicate and clearly state what you’re comfortable doing and what you’d rather have as a rare occurance, and what’s off the table completely. And don’t be afraid to tell him what you want. For instance, sometimes DH and I enjoy rough, slightly kinky sex, and sometimes I tell him to romance me – if you can learn to communicate your desires, you’ll make life easier for both of you.

Finally, don’t be afraid of his fantasies or fear you have to enact all of them. DH and I both have fantasies that we would never actually put into play – but it’s very hot to talk about them together!  You may find that if you encourage him to tell you his fantasies during foreplay, that will help sate his desires to an extent you feel better about.

Post # 33
Member
380 posts
Helper bee

I am glad I could be of help 🙂

I recommend you both watch this video about sexuality in today’s era. I think it will allow you both to start real conversation around sex and sexual fantasies: 

Having some boundaries is great and expressing him how you feel is a great step, if you could add also telling him your fantasies and agree on making them a reality then it would be even better.

Post # 35
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee

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futuremrsyoung722 :  Everyone is different. I don’t understand why you can’t do both? Every couple has difference’s when it comes to that. Men/Woman get off on different things. I wouldn’t recommend seeing a regular therapist about this, maybe a sex therapist. My concern is that he doesn’t fantasize about other women, he thinks of you but wants things done a little more “rough” & “out there”, but you seem to feel unworthy or unwanted? That doesn’t make sense in my personal opinion. It’s not like he’s making you dress up like another woman. You’re issue might be acceptance rather than an actual problem.

Post # 36
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

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futuremrsyoung722 :  please think very seriously about getting out early rather than later.  Sexuality is imprinted very very early on in our development, his will not change, like never.  Pre marital counseling will maybe help you deal with it but please understand you will be forever longing for that romantic love you describe.

Post # 37
Member
488 posts
Helper bee

It sounds like youve overcome a lot since you first posted, but  i still wanted to leave a comment.  I could honestly have written this post and the follow up ones sveveral years back. Its even something I was reflecting on the other day. Im not going to post details here,  but if it would help you,  feel free to message me. I too have cried and worried and felt so insecure but we are ok and I think you will be too 🙂

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