(Closed) My fiance is out of work and it sucks

posted 6 years ago in Career
Post # 3
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I have been/still am in the same boat as you. I make 4 times what my Darling Husband makes yearly. I battled the comments for about year and now my standard reply is “when you decide to pay my bills, sleep in my bed at night, and cook me dinner is when I will have the energy or time to listen to your comments” Harsh I know. But it started getting to me pretty bad. Another thing they do not like was a sideways mention of my Darling Husband being a stay-at-dad when the time came for children….. sheesh!

This is 2012! Why can’t a woman out-earn a man and it not be a big deal………..?

Post # 4
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Bubblefish:  +1

 

@jouissance:  These are rough times and I hate that you feel as if people are looking down on you. But you have to take care of yourself and your family. Everyone else can just mind their own business. Even though our society has moved forward some, the male is still expected to be the breadwinner. How does your Fiance feel about all of this?

Post # 5
Member
1128 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

My husband has a job, but I actually think he thinks this way about himself. I stay home and he works as a server while he is trying to build his recording business. When people ask him what he does, he says well I’m a server but I actually have my own recording business too. Which is true, but he doesn’t have steady clientel yet since he just got started. I think he thinks people will view him in such a way since he is 27 and works as a server. In all honesty though, he brings home quite a bit of money every night. I’m proud of him and what he is doing. So my point is, who gives a flying eff what anyone thinks, what society thinks. Everyone always has “standards” and “visions” of how things are “supposed” to be. Well its 2012, times have changed. Things are rough for everyone, so I say if you have a roof over your head and you and your SO love eachother, then your doing just fine.

Post # 6
Member
1695 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I am the breadwinner also (also a lawyer), though not by muchanymore. My husband was out of work for a year. It was really hard on him.  I think it’s unfortunate that people look down on your SO considering this economy. A lot of people are out of work through no fault of their own. Good for you for sticking by him!

Post # 7
Member
475 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m the breadwinner right now too… My fiance hasn’t been able to work since January, since he’s in an unpaid internship 40+ hours a week that he needs to graduate. Even before he started this program, he had another degree and only got paid $10 an hour to slave away. He’s worked his butt off to get where he’s at right now, but his ego is hurting pretty bad rbecause I’ve been making more money than him since I got out of school. But I don’t care what anyone thinks about our situation right now, because the bills are getting paid, we’re fed and taken care of, and I know he would do the same thing for me if the roles were reversed. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m the breadwinner as well.  FI has been laid off with odd jobs here and there.  Nothing is steady and it’s really affecting us now.  I also wish it was reversed, but c’est la vie!

Post # 10
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

not exactly the same, but my dad was Mr. Mom for my entire life. I know that early on, they got some criticism, and there were some pretty awkward conversations, but it was amazing for my family. All of my friends think it’s really cool (or they keep it to themselves). 

You have to do whatever works for yourself and your SO! It’s so backwards to think that the man always has to be the one earning the money for bills. Hopefully the prejudice will continue to change for the better!! 🙂

Post # 11
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

My Fiance has been out of work too, over a year now. It is tremendously difficult and affects everything. My father won’t say anything but I know he disapproves strongly.

I too make up fake jobs for him. My latest one is “independent investor.”

Post # 12
Member
2411 posts
Buzzing bee

@jouissance:  

Sorry you’re going through this! Does your Fiance hope to get back into the workforce and he’s just not able to right now because of the job market?

If so, try to stay focused on the fact that this is a temporary situation. It may take a few years for the economy to straighten out, but eventually more jobs will become available and he will find something.

In the meantime — at least you’re bringing home a lawyer’s salary! Imagine if you two were trying to get by on a much smaller paycheck.

My Darling Husband also is an attorney, and last year was a really slow year for him. I’m a teacher and I actually made more than him last year! He has many investments, so he’s not hurting financially by any means, but still. We’re both glad that his case load has picked up significantly this year.

 

Post # 14
Member
2411 posts
Buzzing bee

@jouissance:  

 

Good for your FI! I have such respect and admiration for people who don’t let their egos get in the way of being practical. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a server until he can find something that is a better fit for his education and experience.

Hang in there! Someday I hope you’ll be wearing the Louboutins too! 🙂

Post # 15
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@jouissance:  Your Fiance sounds like a pretty amazing guy. I would have no reservations about marrying him. Whoever is so rude to look down their noses at you is not worth worrying about.

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