(Closed) My Fiance is so depressed…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

He sounds very depressed and when you’re depressed sometimes it’s difficult to pull yourself out. Your confidence sinks, you dont see a way out, and the more people try to convince you otherwise, the more irritated you become.

I would do this, first, write an email to him. People may disagree, but men have huge egos and it will be easier for him to hear the difficult things if he can read it. Start off the email by stating all the positives, then gradually explain what you feel went wrong. I would stick with “I” statements…I feel frustrated because or I am confused because….it will keep him from becoming defensive.

Also, gently talk to him about antidepressants. If he has been depressed he might be a candidate. There is nothing wrong with it!

Also, hold off on the wedding if you can. It’s probably adding to the pressure he is feeling, plus you want to be sure this is what you want because when it is all said and done how you handle this as a couple may determine your future together. I wish you the best of luck.

Post # 4
Member
429 posts
Helper bee

Embarassed depressed huh? I think you should be a little aggressive and tell him exactly how you feel. Just try it you never know maybe it’ll wake  him up. 

Post # 5
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

do you 2 live together? if yes then he needs to be given a honey-do list of tasks every day, he should be cooking or cleaning at least to help out and when he does these tasks i would be at pains to thank him for it, most people like an ego boost and wants to feel needed – hopefully it will help get him out of his funk and being more active

although i understand the concept of someone being depressed i wouldnt be marrying them if they werent making an effort to either get help or help themselves and i especially wouldnt be planning on marrying them unless i know financially we had a plan (ie he gets a job or at least starts looking) – i suggest you find out what is available in your area so he can speak to someone, be armed with brochures and information and go with him if you have to

goodluck *hugs*

 

Post # 6
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

what @eloping:said

Depression is hard, and it can be hard to accomplish something as small as getting out of bed. Start with a small list, and be very greatful for all he does. Men don’t just like to be needed, they need it.

My ex was out of a job for months and it was one of the hardest things we went through. It really got better when he did get the job.

Before he was with me, my Darling Husband had gone through job lost too (his company closed during a crisis in his industry and it took him forever to find something else). He still refers to this as the most difficult time he’s had in his life.

I know how hard it is, but try to be patient with him and encourage him on the goods, not smacking his head with the bads.

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