Post # 1
Where we live in Mexico, weddings tend to be massive extravaganzas with 300+ people – virtually everyone youve ever met gets an invite- old friends, new friends, colleagues, second cousin twice removed etc etc
We’re planning to have a smaller affair – aiming for 100 people, and to this end we’ve decided on a kind of destination wedding.
Thing is, if anybody mentions the fact we’re engaged/getting married he’ll blurt out “yes! we’re getting married ____, you should come!” even if he doesnt particularly know the person. maybe its a cultural thing?
Ive spoken to him, “baby, you have to stop inviting people, we’re not going to be able to pay for them all” and he apologises, says he does it without thinking, but its ok because ‘they probably wont come…”……until the next time. its like wedding tourettes!
We havent sent official invites out, but some of these verbal invites have got super excited and offered all kinds of help. and now i feel like they have to invite them, especially since one group just randomly took him away to cancun for an early bachelor party at the beach – they literally called him and said they had booked flights and hotels as a surprise. which is lovely, but thats 9 people who werent on the original list.
The thing is hes said lots of times that he;s happy we arent having amassive wedding where you dont have time to speak to the guests etc, so its not me pushing to cut off important people from the list. and he loved the idea of having a smaller wedding at a nicer place, rather than a bigger wedding at an average place
eugh. i dont even know what count we’re up to now!
Post # 3
I would usually say if there wasn’t an official invite, then don’t worry about..
But since this seems to be a cultural thing from what you mentioned, the polite thing to do would be to track these people down, and write/call them and say “I know my fiance and I had mentioned our wedding to you in hopes that you could attend, but we’re changing our wedding to a more personal ceremony with close relatives and friends”. Something along those lines…
People should be understanding, and don’t feel obligated to invite someone just because they paid for a trip on their own free will.
Post # 4
@newname_99: they literally called him and said they had booked flights and hotels as a surprise.
This happens in real life? I thought such things were only possible in movies haha. Well, tell him he’s not allowed to talk about the wedding anymore if all he’s going to do is invite people that you then have to uninvite, and hurt their feelings.
Post # 5
If he is going to invite these people, then he has to uninvite them himself.
Post # 6
@Cady: Brilliant! I’m not sure why I thought SHE should/would have to go around cleaning up messes HE made!
Post # 7
@jumpthegun: I didnt think it happened in real life either!He was over the moon when he announced they were taking him to cancun. then as an afterthought…”oh i guess maybe we should invite them to the wedding right”?
I also found it utterly bizarre they’d plan a bachelor party almost ten months before the wedding. which im assuming means they will probably plan a local one closer to home.
@Cady: I agree! thing is he’s really relaxed about it, whereas im worried people really will be expecting to come.
Post # 8
oh no!!! I feel for you!!! My fiance gets a little crazy about it too! He also gets in the moment, and asks different people to stand up in the wedding party!! I have to keep telling him, you can’t uninvite people, so next time you get in the moment, just try to remember that we are stuck with that person if you invite them. He’s been a little better lately, especially when he realizes that our meal is $100 a plate and we cant be inviting all the people that serve him coffee at dunkin donuts. 🙂
I’m sure he’s just so excited to be getting married!