- 10 years ago
- Wedding: April 2015
I didn’t think I’d ever have to write my own Emotional post — I’ve always been chill and drama-free. Until I got this email from Fiance (?).
Fiance and I are in a Long Distance Relationship — it’s been going on for 5 years. We talk everyday and we see each other/ fly to each other at least two times a year.
Anyway I’ll just show you the email — sorry it’s a little long, but Im really not in the mood to condense. 🙁 I just got this email and just finished crying. The gist of it is he can’t afford to get married. He was supposed to shoulder the costs of the wedding.
I can’t pay for the wedding right now. I have too much debt to worry about. Its been scaring me. I’ve been losing sleep over it. 70% of what I earn goes to accelerating the payments of my credit cards because the interest rate is 15% to 20%. Also because of that, Its been hard for me to save. I ran the numbers. I’ll be seriously screwed after the wedding. As in I don’t think we’ll get our own apartment. Not sure if you and your family “want to” understand my situation. But mine do. Just tell them I have 25k in debt and I can’t do this anytime soon until its paid off or brought down to a considerable balance. I’m sure your parents and your siblings will start ragging on me behind my back. Tell them I will gladly call them and explain. I can’t let them bully me thru you anymore. I’m stretched thin from it financially and mentally. Keep in mind, I’m still recovering from 2 years of working a low paying job and using my credit card at the time to compensate the income lacked to buy stuff.
This is really embarassing even with a newly set up account (I post regularly). I just don’t know who to turn to right now. I feel sorry for him, and I feel bad for letting him feel this way. I’ve been meaning to post previously about him being so “distant” — I guess this is why. This is just so unlike him to shock me like this.
I’ve been wondering — what does this mean? Are we breaking up — is it something he’s just not saying out loud?
I already sent out our save-the-dates and got “yes” responses from people who will fly from the East Coast to the West Coast just to attend the wedding. And no, he hasn’t sent Save-The-Date Cards to his side of the family just yet, so I’m the only one screwed. I recognized it as a red flag, and talked to him about it but he said he’ll get to it. I don’t live in the US, so he sent all the Save-The-Date Cards to my US relatives — and I have a lot!!!
How does one call off a wedding? I dont even know how to begin — like how do I tell people?
I want to talk to him about this but I know he’s sure about what he’s doing. I already previously offered to “plan down” the wedding but he wasn’t having it.
About that bit about my family — in our culture (FI and I’s) the man shoulders the entire cost of the wedding, and my family does tend to want things “grand”. Here where we are from weddings are big affairs. I know he’s been pressured over giving me a “great wedding”.
I know he’s in love with me, and I with him. I dont know what happened– when I read the email it’s like someone threw cold water at my face. Im too stunned to even be hurt at this point. It’s so unlike him to hurt me like this. Like he didn’t even give me a chance to make this work — I’m okay with a smaller , much less costly wedding (we were planning for a small wedding as it is, 50 guests). I just wish he told me earlier and we couldve worked on this. The wedding is supposed to be just four months away.