Post # 47
It doesn’t sound like he’s calling the wedding off. It sounds like it’s a cry for monetary help or an “Oh crap I just realized i’m in over my head in debt let me take this by the horns now”
It’s good that he realized this now, better now than after the wedding. In reality, you should have discussed finances first, before even getting engaged… It is the #1 reason after all that people get divorced.
Not sure if he’s dead-set on paying for it. If that’s the case than you might have to hold on for longer. It’s imporatnt that you both feel okay with either the amount of debt you’ll incur if you get married right away, or waiting until he’s debt free. If he can pay it off by the time you get married, maybe you and your parents can shoulder the cost of the wedding.
Also, how important is it to you to have a big wedding with lots of people? If you can get away with a small wedding, you can majorly cut costs.
Another option is to keep your date, but use someone’s house to have your wedding. Do your parents or his parents want to offer up their home and yard for this event? Maybe a close relative or friend?
Post # 48
He called off a wedding, not a marriage.
I would bet if you said “JoP marriage, no reception, no flowers, no DJ, no other stuff, just the two of us” he would do it in a second.
Post # 49
Thanks for the replies ladies! Glad to know people still chance upon this thread and read it. I still go back to this thread every now and then, just to keep myself in check.
Thank you for your reply and your concern! We have talked about his issues at length. I was aware that he had debt but I didn’t know it was that much. Or maybe I did, but I thought then that it was under control. He was trying to tell me his situation but I guess I dismissed it. It really was my fault — I was acting like a spoiled brat. I was more concerned about the pressure that was coming from my side. When I bring up to my friends and family that we wanted a small, quaint wedding, they couldn’t understand it, and they always made me feel that they were disgusted with the simplicity of it all.
I also know that when I marry him I will have to work and help pay off his debt; I have come to terms with that. Lately he talked to me and he said that he is very worried that I will be very unhappy when I marry him because he might not be able to give me a good life. My heart sank because I knew he was very, very anxious and worried. I had to assure him I was okay with it. I really am.
Anyway, it’s only been a few months and he got to lower his debt to 15k. Hopefully in a year or two it will be significantly lower.
This is very true! He actually said this. But I still wanted a wedding, even just a small one. Besides I kind of like that we postponed the wedding date to Summer since this gives us more time to save up.
Thanks for the suggestions! A backyard wedding is so charming however we don’t know how to pull that off — parking, etc. I have since decided that I will shoulder the most of the costs of the wedding, and FI will take care of the photographer.
Post # 50
glad things worked out…’cause looking at this too it didn’t appear as he was calling off the wedding just letting you know where he stood financially! VERY WISE man!