My fiancé lied about another girl, am I overreacting?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Am I overreacting if I break this off?
    Yes : (2 votes)
    1 %
    No : (198 votes)
    99 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    3712 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    You are definitely not over reacting. This was not some isolated incident where he bumped into someone and spent the evening catching up. He deliberately set up these meetings and snuck around behind your back. I think you’re overly optimistic about him not cheating on you. Even if he didn’t physically cheat, this is the epitome of emotional cheating and breaking your trust. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this.

    Post # 3
    Member
    1041 posts
    Bumble bee

    I think the term you are looking for is “bye Felicia”. ….

    Post # 4
    Member
    43 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2019

    Sorry you are going through this. However, I am not sure how you are 100% he didnt cheat. This screams that he cheated on you. The lying, the sneaking around, just everything about this is bad. So no, i do not believe you are overreacting at all,quite the opposite actually. I would have left him asap.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2178 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I would end the engagement. If you want to work through this, go to counseling as boyfriend/girlfriend and see if you can move past this together. Take the engagement off the table. Work on your connection with each other and improving your relationship. If it works out you can get engaged later. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    7748 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    adios amigo. dude sounds shady AF. Don’t sign up for a lifetime of this bullsht….save yourself!

    Post # 7
    Member
    6846 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I’m usually a ‘work it out in counseling’ Bee but I wouldn’t bother going to counseling with a habitual liar who frequently seeks the attention of other (younger) women, I’d move on. You were engaged after only 9 months, obviously before you knew who he really is. There are plenty of great guys out there–why sign up for a lifetime of uncertainty and mistrust?

    Post # 8
    Member
    1290 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’m not trying to turn this around. Him lying to you is wrong. But I have to ask are you a jelous person? Has he previosuly told he was meting a female friend and you were not ok with it? Does he flat out lie or just doesn’t tell you things? When he went to the bar did he say “I’m going to a bar alone” or did he just say “I’m going to a bar”?

    Hope you get to figure things out at the councelling.

    Post # 9
    Member
    5778 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2018

    NOPE 

    Post # 10
    Member
    3289 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    The thing is there doesn’t have to be sex for it to be cheating. What does this woman know about you? 

    Post # 11
    Member
    2853 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    To me, asking another girl out on a date IS cheating. Whether something sexual happened or not… he cheated.

    Post # 12
    Member
    493 posts
    Helper bee

    I second bye Felicia – my previous fiance was a dickwad like this.  Even if he never physically cheated, he emotionally cheated on me (loving the attention of other girls), I found myself in a similar situation to you, and wasted an entire YEAR of my life trying to piece our lives back together, but NEVER trusted him again, I constantly wanted to look at his phone etc etc….. Here I am 2 years later with my new partner, who is absolutely amazing, and we are trying to have a baby.  This was not a “one off”, this was numerous incidents that he premedidated.  Beginning of a relationship should be the absolute easiest, add on 10 years of marriage, stress, kids….. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    1450 posts
    Bumble bee

    It’s a horrible idea to go to couples counseling with a cheater. At minimum they need at least 6 months of individual counseling to see what’s broken inside of them that makes them betray their Fiance and seek attention from a 3rd party [repeatedly].

    But more than that, your Fiance has NOT shown you true remorse at all and went back to his sneaking behavior after the first time you caught him. As the saying goes, fool me once shame on you but fool me twice…. that’s on you girl.

    Post # 14
    Hostess
    9694 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

    My opinion is that you both didn’t even fully know each other when you got engaged. I’m sorry, but I firmly believe that you cannot know a person 100% in under a year. So maybe now that the rose colored glasses are off, he’s just showing you who he really is. How do you know he wasn’t doing this from the beginning and only fessed up to the things he was caught for? I think I’d walk away.

    Post # 15
    Member
    5860 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Only consider counseling when a relationship is worth trying to save. Sorry, but this one isn’t.

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